Positivity

Guarded optimism… That’s how I would describe where we are on the journey as of now…

We have (another) referral!! YEAH!! A little boy and girl were seeded in our hearts last week.

So here’s the thing… one of the first steps along the path of adoption is a home study. Part of that process is setting parameters for your adoption. It may be ages, genders, special needs, specific risk factors, etc. We were particularly concerned about age - and committed to not adopting a child who was older than Asher (he was five at the time). We didn’t want to shake up the birth order of our biological children – and Asher’s role as the “oldest” is important to him. We also had no idea what to expect with a child older than 5 – we hadn’t yet walked that path! 

So our home study reads "under 5" and I’ve been planning for that age range for the last two years… playing through all of the potential joys, challenges, scenarios of adopting a pre-school aged child... and more recently I started travelling down the path of envisioning adopted boys with the last referral... 

The thing with being given a choice is, I thought I actually had a choice. I thought it was my decision. I thought I had a level of control to keep things inside my comfort zone… and yet again, and again, I am reminded that this process is bigger than us and totally out of our control!  More important to us than these plans, is staying faithful to God and where HE leads us, even if it’s not what we envisioned…

I say all of this because God is most definitely leading us to a place outside of our comfort zone… while also keeping us just inside of the boundary that would push me to complete madness!

The boy who was referred to us is about to turn 7. Seven! Not what we planned for… but exactly a month younger than Asher… The little girl referred to us was originally said to be about 1. I was stressing about adopting a 1 year old and a 7 year old together – that just seemed like we’d be pulled in two totally different directions with the needs they would each have… and then we got a call that she is actually 5. Five! She’s just a bit older than Cora.

God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. Job 37:5

So if this all goes to plan, we’ll have two new kids sandwiched between our current kids… and they’ll each have a playmate for life! We are so excited!! J

So with this comes a few prayer requests…

(1)  I am scheduled to travel soon. PRAY that this trip happens, and happens safely!

(2)  While in Africa, I’ll meet the kids and their current caregivers… pray that we find a way to connect and bond! Pray that I can be a light to not only these kids, but also whoever is currently caring for them.

(3)  I really am freaking out about the kids’ ages. We have been open in so many other areas as to who we could adopt, but age was the one thing we put real constraints around… I always envisioned having time to bond, attach, develop BEFORE school. And these kids will be coming to us already at school age… I am now launching myself into reading and studying how to best help them transition… Pray for my peace of mind so I don’t become overwhelmed!!! (Side note: No more strollers and potty training. Woo hoo!!!)

Higher Ways

The past few weeks have been an opportunity to prioritize faith over feelings… to set my mind on higher things… to take my thoughts captive and focus them on God’s big picture.

It is so easy for all of us to get bogged down in the daily grind… but for me, lately, it’s been all too easy to slip into mental darkness… It starts as acknowledging the loss we feel for the boys that are no longer ours. Our loss. Their loss. It grows to thinking about the conditions orphans endure… the desperate decisions the hungry and impoverished have to make… and then I just spiral down to complete discouragement with this world. The problems. The suffering. The injustices.

I am so grateful for who I am, where I am, what God has entrusted to me. But when I’m in this gloomy emotional state, the things for which I am grateful actually feel negative. Petty concerns. Anxieties born of affluence. First world problems.

Accepting that "our" boys are not going to be adopted by us, or anyone, has felt similar to when I returned home from mission trips in the past... Acknowledgement of perceived unfairness... Reconciliation of such different worlds... Re-entry into the excess... Detachment from what you thought was important before your eyes were opened... I’ve had to learn and am now again re-learning to let God soften my heart so that I’m not pessimistic, critical or judgmental towards myself or others.

The truth is that I can't save every child in this world. But... I CAN have faith in God’s goodness. I CAN trust His higher thoughts & ways. I CAN hold all that I have with open hands. I CAN choose joy and gratitude. He WILL be faithful.  

This remains one of my favorite
photos from a past mission trip...

“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work,” God’s Decree. 

“For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth, doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They’ll do the work I sent them to do, they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.” Isaiah 55:8-11