Remember the names we got right before the
close of 2014? If not, let me back track…
There was little to no movement in our Ethiopian adoption
process last year and as the year progressed, we were receiving only
disheartening news regarding what to expect moving forward. In the late summer I
asked a group of ladies to start praying that God would make something big
happen in 2014. They were so sweet and faithful in encouraging me as
the end of the year approached.
On December 29, we were sent a list of waiting
children available for adoption in an African country other than Ethiopia. That wasn't the big news we had hoped for, but it felt like God speaking to us. We saw the names and birthdates of two specific
children and just had a feeling… But then we heard nothing about them for weeks that dragged into months. We've continued moving forward in preparation with little leaps of faith - we got a mini-van, rearranged furniture to accommodate more kids, planned a special trip for Asher & Cora as a "final fling" for our 4-some... While waiting, we have been talking about these two children, praying for them and writing letters for them, not knowing if they will be ours.
So here’s where it gets crazy.
A few weeks ago I was struggling mentally (as I vented about in this post). Juggling the paperwork was overwhelming. Miscommunications with our adoption agency were frustrating. But more
than that, I was just generally having negative thoughts. One night it climaxed with me crying to Chad that I couldn’t even think clearly. Was
switching countries worth the risk? Were we
somehow bailing on the orphans in Ethiopia? Was God saying “slow down, stop
thinking about these two kids, don’t change countries”? Or the opposite, was this a
spiritual attack? Afterall, we always said we'd be open to adopt from wherever we were made aware of a specific need that we could fill. Chad suggested that we take a break from all things adoption - to clear our heads, refocus and listen for God's direction.
Literally, the next morning I was woken up an
hour earlier than usual. I felt an urge to read a specific book. Here are a few lines I read that
morning (written as a letter from God):
For it is certainly true that no situation
presents itself twice the same. The opportunities of today are not those of
tomorrow. Do not fail to enter every open door, or be held back by a feeling of
unreadiness. I, Myself am your preparation. I will give you the needed grace and wisdom for
each moment as it comes, and you will rejoice in the victory. For I will
overcome timidity and displace inadequacy. This is MY work… ("Come Away My Beloved")
I felt truly encouraged to continue on our path of changing countries. I went about my day…. And then our social worker called. I let it go to voicemail. Afterall, we were taking a break
from all things adoption. And then the texts and e-mails
started… Paperwork was coming together. Miscommunications were resolved. And by
noon that day, we had an “informal referral" for the two specific children that we
had been carrying in our hearts.
So, about 12 hours after rock bottom the previous night, we felt strongly that this was the right direction and God's will. We were
excited. Heartened. Reinvigorated. Optimistic. But an “informal
referral”? What is that??! It didn't sound all that definite and we were given VERY little information on the children... so we've been sitting on this, waiting for it to seem less ambiguous before sharing the news.
But here's the conclusion that we have reached... nothing will be definite in this crazy process until we are home with these children. Until then, there are a million-and-one twists and turns this journey can take. And we want to share with you (even all of the craziness)! Because we value transparency... and we need your prayers... and we so appreciate the ways that you encourage us... and we just want to be full-blow EXCITED with you!!
God is continuing to tell me to trust HIM - not the processes, lawyers, documents, medical reports, agencies, etc. Going to meet these children, without the full list of concrete items that we would prefer to have, is uncomfortable and may seem crazy to some... but it's the step of faith that we're being called to take, no matter what the outcome. The less info we have, the more faith that is required!
(Side note: We still don't have a single photo... I so desperately want to see their pictures!!! However, the benefit of not seeing is that it makes for a somewhat less emotional wait. We're filling the wait by reading up on their culture and country.)
So... I am traveling in less that 2 weeks to go meet these kiddos and petition an African court to start the adoption process!! Aahhhh! So excited!!
Psalm 34:1-8 (Message)
I bless God every
chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. I live
and breathe God; if things aren’t going well, hear this and be happy… God met
me more than halfway, He freed me from my anxious fears. Look at
him; give him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from
him. When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out
of a tight spot. God’s angel sets up a circle of protection around us while
we pray. Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see— how good God is.
Blessed are you who run to him…
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