Sunday, June 21, 2015

Blessed Beyond Words

Although we've been waiting for years, it feels as if the real journey has just begun! I spent last week in Africa, on my first official adoption trip. It was my opportunity to meet our children and initiate the paperwork process for the adoption. It feels so real now!

I've been putting off blogging about it because I'm just without words... I've been letting things simmer as I process my thoughts and experiences... Days later I STILL feel at a loss for adequate words. It was just such a deep and meaningful experience. I came home each night to my hotel room and just sobbed to release the overwhelming, conflicting emotions of joy, gratitude and heartbreak.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory... throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV)
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! Ephesians 3:20 (Message)

So while I'm still fumbling for words, I want to just share that God exceeded all expectations I had for this trip. I had asked a group of friends to pray for three specific desires that were on my heart as I prepared for the journey... 

The first was for safe and healthy travels... 
I stayed healthy through the entire trip. Not a single problem, which is pretty amazing considering the whirlwind travel schedule, exotic food, potential for disease, etc. I haven't even had a hint of jet lag! Throughout the week our group did encounter stressful experiences, one in particular was downright frightening, but I felt so calm and confident in God the entire time. Such a peace. It was amazing... (Side note: On my initial flight I was seated next to an aid worker with personal international adoption experience. What are the chances? Chatting with her was so informative, reassuring and encouraging. Thank you, God!)

The second prayer request was to have a supernatural connection with these kids... 
Here's where I start tearing up and grasping for words... I went into this introduction knowing little and scared to expect too much. Do they speak English? Has someone prepared them to meet me? Do they understand? Will they come to me? Will they let me touch them?

Our little girl walked into the room looking so scared... but she came straight to me. She let me hold her hands. She sat on my lap, slowly released her tension and just sunk back into me... No words! Then our boy walked into the room, called out "mama" and walked right into my arms. Seriously, NO WORDS!

I had hoped I would feel connected to them by the end of the trip... I had no idea that connection could be so immediate. Even more exciting was their connection to Asher and Cora. They couldn't stop looking at their photos. They asked about "brother" and "sister" over and over again. So sweet! 

We played, sang songs, teased, ate, colored, held hands, cuddled. I became acquainted with their sweet little personalities. It was truly awesome. (And leaving them was truly painful, but I won't dwell there.) 

The last prayer request was for the opportunity to shine light into the lives of birth families... 
While I was experiencing joy to meet the kids, I was fully aware that on the other side are families who have experienced hurt, loss and despair in ways I can't relate to. I wanted to be respectful to them and bring light to them... I ended up having the gift of three full days with them. I sat with them for hours each day... Communication was limited due to language, but just being in one another's presence for solid time felt so meaningful. I met aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. I spoke with them, hugged them, photographed them. The family history I was able to gather and the pictures that our kids will now have are priceless. PRICELESS.

In addition to their current caregivers, I was able to meet the team of people who will be caring for them and educating them over the upcoming months. I was blown away. Their love of Jesus and dedication to children is inspirational. My kids are going to be so blessed by them! 



   







Thursday, June 11, 2015

Being Known

Yep, that was me crying in Target yesterday… 

The day started off at a refreshing coffee date with my dear girl-friends who are also walking adoption journeys… They were letting me share all of the details about our referral and upcoming trip… while also sympathizing with paperwork, deadlines, travel details, etc. I was proud of myself for feeling all calm, cool and collect. I’ve been keeping my expectations in check, trusting the process, just moving forward with faith…

And then I casually swung by the store to grab some clothes for the new kids… What styles are appropriate for their current culture? What size should I get? Would he prefer athletic clothes like Asher? Would a t-shirt with a tag irritate his neck? Will she look beautiful in purple? Why can’t I find a top with a character who is not white? Could she grow into this dress or would she rather have something that fits perfectly?

And then I turned into a blubbering mess…. Not out of unhappiness. I am so happy and joyful! (Which I had to explain to Chad because he still associates crying with sadness after 10+ years of marriage. Maybe after 10 more he'll understand that there are so many other emotions that lead to crying! J

I’m just ready to KNOW them… all of their unique characteristics and quirks. Their history. Their challenges. I'm preparing a list of questions with the mission of asking everyone I meet what they remember... because I want to piece together as much of the puzzle as possible for these kids. I want to have answers when they have questions. 

Even more so, I want them to feel known and loved… they may not be getting that right now from their caregivers, but I believe God’s whispering to them in His own way… and we’ll get to speak it to them soon!