My Meditation

As we continue to await updates on our children and news of adoption proceedings, I go through periods of frustration and sadness. I so appreciate the coffee dates and venting sessions friends grant me. And I am grateful that you lend an ear through this blog.

However, as much as I love chatting about the adoption, I’m learning that talking about where we are at the moment doesn’t lift me up emotionally. Discussing it just feels like I’m running in circles... because whoever I’m conversing with inevitably reflects back to me all of my own frustrations. After all, we can all agree, “it doesn’t make sense that there are so many hurdles when the children are in need and waiting!”

I’ve reconciled that this is 100% out of my hands. So it serves me best to go through the present without dwelling on the challenges. I’m trying to stop thinking of my own thoughts, questions and concerns. Instead, I find peace when I shift my thoughts to God, and Him alone.  
So, I’m trying (and some days it takes serious effort!) to meditate on these things:

This journey isn't necessarily about me and my family. It's about demonstrating faith.
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Proverbs 3:5-6

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-10

God has done amazing things for us and through us in the past. He will continue to do so – He is weaving a testimony of his greatness.
The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3

God is all-powerful. He IS able.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Ephesians 3:20-21

My role is to be still and faithful.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

God loves our children even more deeply than we do. He IS the Father to the Fatherless.
Father of orphans, champion of widows, is God in his holy house. God makes homes for the homeless… Psalm 68:5-6

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


There's one last verse that has just been implanted in my head and heart in recent months. I repeat this to myself regularly... 

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7

Adoption begs for your confidence in adoption agencies, social workers, attorneys, government representatives and others... But I am continually reminding myself that my trust is actually in one so much greater. With that being said, can I ask for your prayers? Happenings and decisions coming up over the next two weeks appear to be very important to our adoption. Please pray that God is making a way for those who represent us. We trust in Him alone. 

     

Margin

It’s a new year, so like everyone else we’re thinking back on 2015 and setting goals for 2016. While working through this whole goal process, I’ve been reflecting on this movement near and dear to my heart called “minimalism.” I love it. It encompasses my whole desire to simplify life and slow down our pace… The concept of minimalism is relative – others may look at my life and say I’m definitely not living with the minimum. Which is true… but in comparison to life 5-10 years ago, we are moving in that direction! And it's really about having a heart that is content with less. We so value the core of this way of thinking. Check out this blog: Becoming Minimalist. It’s one of my greatest models and a source of total inspiration to me! This guy thinks like I think. Love it!

When Chad and I first got married, we had a vision for not getting caught up in the “rat race”. We left corporate America early in our careers, knowing that the demanding hours and promise of higher rungs on the ladder didn’t fit with what we wanted to prioritize and value in life. We thought that career change was a solid preventive measure to avoid the “race.” But we still found ourselves caught up in a busyness that was not healthy. And I’d say 99% of what we were committed to was “good” stuff – it’s just that there is such thing as too much of a good thing.

Simplifying hasn’t been as difficult as I expected, but it has taken a concerted and consistent effort. As we’ve made decisions about time, commitments, relationships and money, we’re had to keep the decisions in the framework of our end goal – slowing down to truly be present in the present.

A piece of the puzzle has been learning to build margin into our lives – especially in our schedule. I looked up the definition of the word “margin” while writing this. It is “an amount of something included so as to be sure of success or safety.” Space. Fluff. I’ll admit, open space intimidates me for some reason. I want to fill it – and fill it fast. But that inevitably leads to the same old busyness that I’m trying to move away from.

So what does having margin mean for me at the moment?

I’m no longer making double (or triple or quadruple) commitments. We’re not going to try to swing by here on the way there before we go to our final destination.

I’m saying no. And sometimes I’m saying no to good things. It’s just not physically possible to say yes to everything. When I say no, it may allow someone else the opportunity to say yes. And when I say yes, you know you'll have my full attention.

We’ve got cushion in our budget. If we need to pay money to farm something out one month because it enables us to focus on something of more mental, emotional or spiritual value, we can do it without stress.

I’ve built space into our calendar and we're prioritizing the sabbath as a day of rest. There are times when we intentionally block off our calendar for nothing. Nothing. Sometimes we end up filling that time, sometimes we don’t. But we have the option. And allotting open time allows me to be available for last minute things without rushing into revamp mode for our whole schedule.

Now that we’re kind of settling into a lifestyle with margin (keep in mind it's a work in progress and always will be!), I’m seeing really great benefits…

It opens us up to build better community. We have time for people because we’re not over-committed. I know more of my friends than their Facebook statuses. We can show up when things are tough and offer to help without restraint. (The old Kristin & Chad were like “I would LOVE to help you, but only if your need falls between X and Y o’clock on Z day of the week.” Hearts were in the right place, just too busy!) 

I like myself a lot more. :) I’m not exhausted. I’m not burnt out. I’m not in a rush. I’m a better friend when I’m not avoiding phone calls that I don’t have time for. I’m a more patient driver when I’m not freaking out over how one additional red light is throwing my entire night’s sequence of events into a tailspin. I’m a more understanding mom when I can take the time to see the root cause of behavior and default to teaching instead of disciplining.

We have room to pursue things that interest us. Chad can go mountain biking without feeling guilty. I can invite neighbors over to do volunteer projects. We can adopt! Yes, we could adopt no matter how busy we were… but the margin has allowed us to prepare, be healthy mentally and physically, and hopefully make the transition the smoothest it can possibly be. 

Although it’s been a little while now since we’ve really gotten in the groove of this margin concept, I didn’t feel like I could quite own up to it before. If someone asked me how I was, it seemed like the only "acceptable" response was "busy." There’s this undercurrent of competition in the world with our busyness... and somehow I bought into the concept that busyness equates to value and importance. 

But I’m owning up to it now. I’m not going to be “busy” in 2016. I have a vision for the year, specific goals and a lot of desires... I'll be present and active... But I won’t be busy for the sake of busyness!

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2 (Message)

"Making" time for the sunrise!