The Unknown

We just got back from a trip to Cincinnati. It was so refreshing to be away!! We haven’t traveled for more than a day or two in quite awhile… always rationing money and vacation days in the hope that we’ll get some last minute news of travel back to Africa. I didn’t realize how much we needed the change of scenery until we were experiencing it. It was so good! 

While we were there we caught up with friends and relayed our adoption status multiple times… It gave us an opportunity to think about how to best frame where we are at the moment. And here’s where we are: THE UNKNOWN. Not at all somewhere I like to be. It’s my human nature to be uncomfortable here.

For awhile, our wait had a deadline. The light at the end of the tunnel was supposed to be last December. But for over 6 months now we’ve been living in ambiguity. We’ve had vague time frames, indistinct steps to follow, changing players. I feel like we have been living from one disappointing e-mail to the next, always hopeful for news that will come in the next e-mail. We can’t go into details… but there’s a whole web of a backstory that we will one day be able to share. Although I have a feeling that once the kids are with us, the backstory won’t even matter to us anymore!

Side Note: We bought these matching 4th of July dresses last year,
thinking Cora and her sister would be wearing them.
Hopeful they still fit in them next year?! 

I’ve felt unsettled. Emotionally rundown. Anxious that there’s not a clear path to finalization. Hesitant to make commitments (hence our lack of travel!).

But now that we realize this is truly the UNKNOWN, I’m finding myself moving to a new phase – a place of release. No more living wound up for the next message, deadline, bit of news. No more praying fervently from a state of worry. The joy of the true unknown is that it’s just that – UNKNOWN. I can’t even pretend to have control over any single piece of this. So why try? There’s no illusion of power or ability. It’s completely out of my hands. Acceptance. Peace.

I am reminding myself daily that nothing is unknown to the Lord and His peace is sustaining…

When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer. Psalm 94:19

 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. " John 14:27  

 
I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart…I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles…Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!  Psalm 34: 2-8

Prayer Requests:

• Please pray for our continued state of peace and joy. When I am focused on God and resting in His promises, I feel no anxiety. But I find myself easily distracted and it can take only one e-mail for me to spiral into a negative mental state. Pray for my focus to be steadfast on the Lord.
• Please continue to pray for Asher. He wants his brother home so badly! He understands better than Cora that life in the orphanage isn't like life here. He recently shared with us that he wakes up in the middle of the night, scared for the kids - are they safe? healthy? etc. He said praying calms him down so he can go back to sleep. Love him! Prayers that he tangibly feels God's presence and that his sweet faith grows through this trial.  
• Continued prayers for health and safety of our kids. Their current caregivers are English-speaking Christians. Although this appears to be a "useless" wait in our human eyes, we are praying that growth in language skills and learning about Jesus are positives the kids draw from this time.
• PRAY FOR A SIGNATURE AND COURT DATE!!