The Village

We all throw around the saying “it takes a village” while joking about carpools… but seriously it DOES take a village to just get through everyday life, let alone the more challenging times we all face.

I’ve been spending a lot of time sitting in gratitude for our village… Because it has turned out to be far deeper and wider than we could have ever imagined and we are so incredibly grateful!

What does a real, life-giving village look like??? For us, it’s been…

-       Family and friends helping us break through barriers to bring our kids home because they were willing to call and pursue leads with politicians, attorneys, etc.

-       Online chat groups with people I may never meet in person, but who were willing to share their experiences, advice, etc.

-       Adopting without insurmountable debt because our village helped us fundraise

-       Strangers during our travel that paid for meals, bought us gifts, etc.
(Thank you, especially, to the man in the Brussels airport who bought me a box of chocolates and instructed me to hide them in my laundry room for an inevitable rough day… that day came and I ate them all!)

-       Meals delivered to our door for 2+ months so that our time during transition could be prioritized on connecting with our new family

-       Coffee dates and support groups with other adoptive moms… many of whom I just met, but spend hours with, digging in deep

-       Countless carpools, playdates and sleepovers that have helped maintain a sense of normalcy for our bio kids

-       My parents, who have just sat with me so that I wouldn’t be alone when kids endure trauma-related raging

-       Friends who show up at your house, late at night, on 5 minutes notice to take your kids out of the house during emergencies

-       Texts, e-mails, calls of encouragement… and a ton of prayer from friends, church and bible study companions on our behalf behind the scenes

-       A friend showing up at our door with all of the products you need to take care of your new kids’ haircare

-       Bottles of wine dropped on our front porch

-       Forgiveness and grace from other parents when our child makes bad choices that hurt others

-       Teachers going above and beyond in ways I couldn’t foresee to make all four kids feel loved, special and encouraged.

(And I just need to pause here to say, God ordains the people who surprisingly show up in your village! Cora and Esther were assigned a teacher who has personal experience with foster care and kids from trauma backgrounds. James’ teacher has a heart for international kids and was already familiar with Sierra Leone because her church does mission work there. Asher’s teachers have been INCREDIBLE. He gets notes, hugs, lunch dates, etc. It’s been incredible.)

I share all of this because I can’t imagine going through life right now without this village behind us… I’d call out everyone by name, but I’m sure I’d miss someone and feel horrible about the oversight. Relationships like these - this is the good in the world! We can all be a part of someone’s village! (And when our life calms down, I am intent on going back to proactively being a giver, not a receiver, in the villages around me!) 

I thank my God every time I remember you. - Philippians 1:3

Magical

We so often focus on the positive side of adoption – the joy, love, commitment of a “forever family”… The "gain” to our family. But the truth is, adoption is needed because there has been a loss. Adopted kids have endured GREAT loss at a young age. And that loss doesn’t just disappear when they join our family. Their trauma and grief is their history – the place where they grow from. It will surface and resurface over the years to come… just as anyone who has experienced loss understands. It’s a part of their story forever.

In addition to loss through death, James and Esther have said goodbye to their extended families, neighbors, friends, schoolmates, caregivers. They have left their country and birth culture… They have left behind really all that they know.

I say all of this as a sort of response to the comments we get like, “wow, life must be so magical right now!” We understand what you are saying. We appreciate the intent. We know that the words come from a place of support and encouragement… but “magical” it is NOT!

We love these kids. We have fought for them. We celebrate them joining our family. We know that God has big plans for them. We have incredibly beautiful moments with them… and there are incredibly difficult ones, too. I’ve hesitated to say all this because I don’t want to dampen the joy… but it’s the truth. And I feel so incredibly fake when I just smile and nod at the “magical” comments.

That being said, let’s flip back to the adorable, fun, and memorable. Here are just a few random tidbits - maybe "magical" is the right word for this stuff! :)

- Esther is beside herself with joy every time Chad walks into a room. She squeals and squeals!

- Courtesy of "Love is an Open Door" from Frozen, James came up to me singing and said: "Can I say something crazy?" "I like crazy." "I like being your son!" Melt my heart!!!

- A school bus pulled up next to us at a red light one day. Esther gasped and yelled: "OMG! A woman is driving the bus!" I said, "yes, women drive buses in America. Women can have any job they want in America." She just sat there with this giddy and amazed look on her face for the rest of the drive. It was ADORABLE.

- The first time I took James shopping at Target, I kept having to say “no, that’s too expensive” to requests. Every single time he’d throw his hands up and yell “The Lord will provide!”

- 3 months ago, Esther didn't want her hair done, wouldn't wear dresses, said she didn't like anything pretty, screamed "No" if we complimented her, etc. That has changed big-time! She now LOVES getting dressed up! She LOVES the mirror. She swirls and twirls and tells us how pretty she is! 

- James is a soccer star! We knew he liked to mess around and had some fancy footwork... but didn't know how he'd feel in an organized game. His first game was last Saturday. He ran out there and just commanded the field. So much fun to see him in his element!

- Esther calls our master bedroom closet “the store in our house.” LOL

- James told me, “I love my mom because she asks how many chicken nuggets I want and I’m allowed to answer 1-100.” :)

- One of the first times we went to church, James whispered to me, "I've always wanted to be baptized." It has been such a joy to talk with them and listen to their sweet thoughts on God. Their faith runs deep for such a young age... and their prayers have an urgency that you don't sense from other kids who have had more comfortable and consistent early years. So it brought us GREAT joy this past weekend to see James and Esther be water baptized!

The biggest change we've seen over the past few months is just in James' & Esther's social interactions... Their comfort level, ability to adapt, growing imaginations and expanding interests are really amazing to watch unfold. Equally amazing are Asher and Cora as they are stretched well beyond their comfort zone in things like sharing, showing empathy, being leaders, etc. They have both been recognized at school recently for their character and I am just so incredibly proud of them. 

We are blessed!

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7