Narratives

I’ve taken a bit of a blogging hiatus… there’s so much we’re experiencing and learning every single day. But so much of it doesn’t feel like “mine” to share because it would be voicing things that are personal for the kids. That’s not my place. When they’re old enough to own their experiences, they can share or give us permission to share, if they choose.

I'm reading a book called "Braving the Wilderness" and a line has been sticking with me... "Sometimes the most dangerous thing for kids is the silence that allows them to construct their own stories - stories that almost always cast them as alone and unworthy of love and belonging."

That's not really just kids, though, right? I've noticed how often my mind runs from a factual starting point and weaves a story filled with assumptions and jumps. Before I know it, a single fact may have evolved into something more dramatic and not necessarily true! 

One of the ways that we're breaking this "silence" that could breed a negative story is by working with a counselor to create chronological narratives for our kids… to help them put the pieces together in a way that allows them to embrace their stories. It’s not a photo book. It’s not a life book. It’s the individual and unique story of each of their lives. I’ve written them as if they are children’s books – easy language, cutesy clip-art images. Putting it in this format takes a bit of the “edge” off and allows them to digest the story more openly.  

It’s been such a therapeutic process for all of us! It allows us to walk through their life history with them one-on-one. It gives them words and phrases for complex experiences. It allows us to speculate about what emotions they may have felt and gives them the opportunity to own their feelings. It allows us to guide them in drawing lines and conclusions between the past and present (you may feel XYZ when this happens because you remember how you felt the day ABC happened). It’s opened up memories that they may not have thought to share with us otherwise.

The plan was originally to write these narratives for just James and Esther. But we ended up writing them for Asher and Cora, too. I’m so glad we did this! They needed words to put around their experiences, as well, and they also needed help identifying their emotions. It also never hurts to remind them of all the amazing qualities we see in them and that God has big plans for their lives.

We happened to be finishing up the narratives at a time when it feels like life is settling down a bit for all of us. So it’s been a way to look back over the last few months and talk through the challenges we’ve experienced. We have been able to remind everyone that going through a difficult time is not all “bad.” God is stretching us. God is bringing us to a new place where we are pushed outside of our comfort zones and can grow. God is giving us life experience that allows us to have empathy when we have opportunities to help others in the future. If we allow him to, God will work all things for the good of those who love him. 

Such life lessons for little hearts and minds!

 He knows us far better than we know ourselves…That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:28 (MSG)