Relationship

I wrote about safety nets in my last post. The following day I read this devotion, written as a letter from God:

“I am with you. These 4 words are like a safety net, protecting you from falling into despair. Because you are human, you will always have ups and downs in your life experience. But the promise of My presence limits how far down you can go. Sometimes you may feel like you are in a freefall, when people or things you had counted on let you down. Yet as soon as you remember that I am with you, your perspective changes radically.”

– Sarah Young, “Jesus Calling”

These words ring so true to me. I have experienced this again and again. My faith helps me maintain a higher level of perspective on the ups and downs of life. My relationship with God is my actual safety net.

So in being a steward of what God has given me, doesn’t it make sense to extend my net? To build relationships where I can say: I am with you. I’ll use my knowledge, skills and life experience to support you to limit how far down you can go. I’ll help you maintain a higher level perspective and encourage you as you work to meet your personal goals.

This is my new endeavor, friends! Through Circles RVA, we are building community (i.e., relationships) to end (i.e., break the cycle of) poverty.

Most of my “circle” lives with me inside the suburban bubble. We are middle- to high- income levels. We feel stress or pressure regarding finances, but the reality is we’re in the top percentile across the entire globe. For some of us it may or may not have been a struggle, but we have navigated education systems and financial processes to find ourselves securely over the poverty line. But do you know the numbers outside of our bubble?    

The official poverty line for a family of four is $24,250 per year or less.

The Richmond poverty rate (25.3%) is nearly twice the national level.

The RVA poverty rate is even higher for children at 38.7%.

In some Richmond neighborhoods, the poverty rate is as high as 50%.

Poverty is COMPLEX. Could we simplify it and say RELATIONSHIP can make a tangible difference? There are countless short term efforts that meet a singular need - we volunteer and donate to them often... but long term change requires depth. Establishing models and mentors for those who are the product of generational poverty can break the cycle. Relationship is the game changer. 

  

  

 

The Line

I’ve been spending time lately digging in and trying to understand the complex issues surrounding poverty. There’s this invisible, and probably ever-changing, socio-economic line between secure and insecure. If you were to spend your life hovering right around that line, any unknown thrown your way could bump you from one side of the line to the other. Just think about the example of losing a job. It could happen to any of us… but that loss plays out differently depending on how close to the line we may be. You may have a large savings account or no savings. You may have health insurance through a spouse, or insurance may be lost with the job. You may be able to move home for awhile or you may not have a home to go to. You may have a network of peers to help you secure a new job quickly, or you may know no one else who is employed...

We had a rough year last year – with a lot of ups, downs and decisions. Any given day, what thankfully turned out to be a minor set back could have been major without a safety net. And that's not just a financial net. There are so many threads of security that are woven together to create our safety nets - family, relationships, support systems, mental health resources, education.

As I’ve been digesting all that I’m learning, my thoughts have been intermingled with adoption and foster care knowledge. Because realistically, if you are hovering on this invisible line without support and security, family decisions are more drastic and severe. Not having a parent who can parent is devastating. A child on one side of the line may be taken in by stable relatives, while a child on the other side of the line may have no option but foster care (in the States) or an orphanage (overseas).

You know my heart is tied up in adoption… It can be transformative and healing. Adoption redirects the trajectory of a child’s life. But adoption doesn’t erase tragedy and the child’s change in course comes at a huge expense with a great deal of trauma. What if that additional distress could be prevented? I’m thankful that we are able to walk through life with James and Esther in our family… but for their sakes, in an ideal world, I would have wanted to avoid this path for them.

This is where God has held me over the past few years.  Reading and just sitting on thoughts… it’s overwhelming and I haven’t really known how to process and apply my thoughts.

It’s led me to a new passion, Circles RVA. They are a national non-profit just starting in Richmond with this mission: BUILD COMMUNITY TO END POVERTY. Building community – creating a support system to help individuals move to a more secure and stable place across “the line”. This is deep, intentional, meaningful work and I am so incredibly excited to become a part of their organization. You’ll be hearing a lot more about it in the upcoming weeks!

Got That Feeling

Isn’t it awesome when you actually feel something deep in your core versus just knowing it in your head?

That’s where we are, friends. We are FEELing like a family… and it’s wonderful!

The idea of going on a full blown family vacation seemed like “too much” over the past year. It didn’t even cross our minds as something doable. We had too many adjustments, too many appointments, too much catching up with academics, too much adoption debt, etc. Plus, anything unexpected or out of our typical routine sent some of the kids into a tailspin. Vacation was not a priority – we were just trying to manage the daily grind.  

The early effects of James’ PTSD diagnosis and related episodes had left ALL of the kids reeling. The stress and uncertainty led us to make lifestyle changes that felt confining. It was really difficult for the kids to see past some of the trauma and connect with one another. Yet as we moved through 2018, we were seeing positive growth. Comfort levels were increasing. Seeds of trust were being planted… but we continued to feel like we needed a spark of some kind to ignite their sibling relationships.

And then there was sweet Esther who got sad whenever we talked about memories from before she joined our family. “Please stop talking about that. It makes me feel left out,” she’d say. And of course, it would – it was when our worlds and experiences were millions of miles apart!

We stumbled upon Adventure Is Out There (https://adventure.ngo/), a non-profit run by three amazing people who understand the needs of adoptive families. Their mission is to create nurturing experiences that spur bonding. All of a sudden, the idea of a vacation sounded doable. And not only doable, but it could also be the “spark” we needed to transition from surviving as a family to thriving as a family!

On Thanksgiving we let the kids know that we had been granted a trip to Disney World… and in January we experienced a magical week with AIOT and two other amazing adoptive families. We were supported and encouraged. The kids truly bonded. They had so much fun together and spent more time directly interacting than they ever have before. It was absolutely wonderful.

So we’re back to the daily grind, but with a ton of joint memories in our back pockets. We truly FEEL like a family! Thank you AIOT!!

  

We are committed to paying this experience forward and helping AIOT grant trips to future adoptive families. Are you interested in helping? Visit https://donorbox.org/aiot!