The Weight

I spend a lot of time blogging about the WAIT associated with adoption... but there is also an undeniable WEIGHT. You start to carry the weight of knowing... knowing that 400,000 kids are living in limbo within the US foster care system... knowing that 18 million kids worldwide are "double orphans" - they have lost both parents... knowing that if you live in rural Ethiopia, this very day you are standing in line, waiting for an aid truck to bring you a bucket full of water to get you through the day.

I carry a heaviness of heart... and some days the load feels greater. Today is one of those days. Hopefully tomorrow will not be. :) There was a Sunday last November when I cried for our child(ren) through an entire church service. I don't know why the burden was especially great. Was he/she being conceived? born? hurt? abandoned? Maybe one day I'll be able to gather enough information to piece together what was happening to him/her that very day when I felt a strong connection and encumbrance. 

I know it's dark. It's heavy. It's depressing. You're not in the mood to think about it. I'm not either. I'd much rather finish my latte and dive into my mindless Janet Evanovich book... But some days I can't shake the weight. I know that other people, in other places, are experiencing true darkness. Today, while I am comfortably sitting in a hallway at my son's school, I am not worried that his class could be kidnapped... not worried that my girlfriends could be sold into the sex trade... not worried that my pastor may be tortured and held in a prison. I have the blessing of living without those fears... but right this second, other people are living them out. The heaviness of others' suffering seems so immense in contrast to the lightness of my daily life.   

But of all my comforts and blessings, the real lightness in my life comes from knowing that my God has already claimed victory over all of the darkness in the world. His love conquers. He wins. That truth lifts my weight.

Jesus answered them, “Do you finally believe? In fact, you’re about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I’m not abandoned. The Father is with me. I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.”  John 16:33

The Waiting is the Hardest Part... Or Not

So, here’s the great thing about waiting… There is not much you can do. 

I wish there was something I could do, but there’s not. 

Instead of feeling frustrated with that, I’m feeling freedom. No heaviness. All pressure is off. Side note: This is similar to how it felt when I gave up being a perfectionist. (I say that as if it was a simple decision one day. J ) Letting go of the pressure to be perfect allows me to just trust in the One and Only who IS perfect.

I have zero control. God has all control and it’s His timing that will prevail. So I can sit back to enjoy the ease and abandon that comes with not being in control.

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”  Matthew 11:28-30

Writing Our Story

No news… just a note to share a song I heard today. I’m probably behind the times, but this is the first time I heard it and it just spoke to me… We’re loving the current chapter of our family story, but also anticipating the next…

Enjoying this nice spring day!

  "Write Your Story"  

Francesca Battistelli

They say

You're the King of everything

The One who taught the wind to sing

The Source of the rhythm my heart keeps beating

They say

You can give the blind their sight

And You can bring the dead to life

You can be the hope my soul's been seekin'

I wanna tell You now that I believe it

I wanna tell You now that I believe it

I do, that You can make me new, oh

I'm an empty page

I'm an open book

Write Your story on my heart

Come on and make Your mark

Author of my hope

Maker of the stars

Let me be Your work of art

Won't You write Your story on my heart