Why the Wait?

As we continue to wait, I am frequently asked about why the process takes so long. We see statistics like there are currently about 18 million “double orphans” (both parents deceased) in the world… so we all know that the need for orphan-care exists. On the surface, it seems like such a simple equation:

Child without a family + family with desire to adopt = quick and easy adoption

So why does connecting those children with our family turn out to be so complicated? Why does it take so long???

Here’s the short answer: Paperwork and court proceedings!

Here’s the LONG answer: It takes a significant amount of time and effort to ensure that (1) a child is in fact in need of a long-term family and (2) the family wanting to adopt understands the commitment and is a safe and nurturing environment. (For our specific family, add to this the logistics of rural Ethiopia – no running water, shotty electricity, rainy seasons that shut everything down, areas lacking reliable means of transportation/communication, etc.)

I won't claim to be an expert on international adoption procedures and ethics. But here’s what I do know… There will always be people who take advantage of the disadvantaged. Wish it wasn’t true, but it is. They are out there and resurface again and again. So, as it relates to international adoption, the circle goes something like this:

• Children lose their parents and are in need.
• The rest of the world learns about the need and an adoption process develops.
• Someone, whether intentional or not, messes up (abuse by adoptive family, human trafficking, paying birth family to give up child, etc.)
• Governments and agencies respond to the negative outcomes, by creating more policies, more paperwork, more processes. The intent is good – to protect the innocent. But the outcome is a slow, complex process.
• Children wait for an adoptive family while LOADS of paperwork is submitted, reviewed, verified, re-reviewed, approved in court, etc.
• Finally, a match is made! A family adopts!
• Oh wait, someone, somewhere messes up again.
• A new policy and additional step is now needed in the adoption process to prevent XYZ from happening in the future.
• And so forth and so on…

Here’s an example that we have directly experienced – families wanting to adopt from Ethiopia were “on hold” earlier this year while the Ethiopian government implemented another “check” in their adoption process. This new step will enforce a two month waiting period that allows time to potentially find a domestic placement for the child. This is one of many ways they try to ensure that a child is not being uprooted to another country if there is an arrangement that allows the child to stay in their home country. There are kids who will benefit from this – a friend or neighbor may have the chance to step up and bring them into a familiar home! But the reality is there are also kids who will now spend an additional two months in an orphanage waiting… because there is no one domestically who has the means to care for them. 

Reflect on all of this and the timeframe starts to make sense… it’s frustrating. It’s not perfect. It’s one more broken thing in our fallen world. But… if the waiting leads to confidence that no one was taken advantage of in the process of bringing your child home… there is obviously relief in that!

Choosing an adoption agency is an important decision in this process. Your agency is who will represent you, guide you, inform you, etc. When you are just waiting for updates (any little nugget of news), your agency feels like a lifeline. I am so thankful for ours – specifically the transparency and character that they consistently demonstrate.

We initially started our journey with a different agency than we now have. The original agency progressed us from point A (casually inquiring about adoption) to point B (a referral) in a very short time frame. It was a WHIRLWIND. And so difficult to think clearly… We hadn’t even submitted an application to adopt when they referred a sibling set to us that they said was orphaned and available for adoption… Emotionally, I felt pulled in by the sweet boy and girl referred to us. I saw their pictures. I read their files. I analyzed their medical information. I felt connected… But there were red flags and we were being pressured to make a fast decision. It was outside of our understanding of the typical process and so confusing. How awesome that God took over for us… I kept praying that He needed to take the decision out of my hands because I wasn’t seeing clearly… and He did. We got a phone call that made it clear we would not proceed. Whew! That agency has since been charged with multiple crimes… we feel like God just covered us with His hedge of protection.   

He’s been protecting us... and I trust that He is protecting the children who will become ours… and I’m also asking Him to protect my heart from becoming jaded by this long, drawn-out, complex, evolving and frustrating process!

 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:9