Unrest

We’ve gotten some disappointing news – our trip to finalize the adoption has been postponed by at least 6 weeks. So we won’t be in Africa this December, as we had hoped and expected. Insert tears here. 

For the past 5 months I’ve been saying December wasn’t a sure thing and that nothing is ever definite with all of this… but the reality is that it was the only information I had. So over time I clung to it and became pretty fixated on traveling by the close of 2015. Now, it'll be a little longer that my heart is stuck in a place of unrest with our family split between continents. 

There are at least five or more “good” reasons that we can focus on as to why this delay may be a positive thing… and I’m still in the Exodus 14:14 mindset of knowing that the Lord is fighting for us and caring for these kids… He must need more time to work things out on their behalf! 

How joyful are those who fear the Lord and delight in obeying his commands. Their children will be successful everywhere; an entire generation of godly people will be blessed… Such people will not be overcome by evil… They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.  (Psalm 112)

Be Still

We’re almost to the 5 month mark in our 6 month guardianship waiting period… And it feels like all of the thoughts, emotions and prayers are coming to a head. This is the period where I potentially see myself losing my mind.

Oh, how I hate to be still. I don’t stop all day long. I’m not capable of sitting still. I try. I just jump back up with another idea of what I can be doing… I drive myself (and Chad) crazy with this!

Being still has taken on another whole level with this adoption. Everything is completely out of my hands. I can’t even pretend to distract myself with little deeds and doings. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to make it all happen. So I’m in a state of forced stillness.

It’s multi-faceted… It surpasses a physical immobility. It’s a mental stillness where I have to calm my never-ending thoughts and questions. And it goes deeper to an emotional level where I must steady my emotions. (Picture a crazy line graph that’s up and down and all over the board… I’m just trying to even it out with less impassioned highs and lows!)

The stillness goes deeper yet to a spiritual level. Being still before the Lord feels like an impossibility… but the reality is that anything BUT being still is unfeasible.

So I’ve decided to cling to two specific scriptures... They're my current mantras and I've plastered them all over the house. They’re taped to mirrors, cabinets, etc. I have a dear friend texting me one of them daily. I’m trying to embrace this deep stillness and just rest in God. But’s it’s HARD! (And I guess I’m not really successful in being still if I’m running around the house, making signs. That seems more like restless energy than peace!)

Here are the mantras… please pray them for me (and with me because I have a feeling many of us struggle with stillness!)…

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Some trust in chariots and some in horses (or adoption agencies, lawyers, judges, etc.), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7     

A recent attempt at rest and stillness... :)