Be Still

We’re almost to the 5 month mark in our 6 month guardianship waiting period… And it feels like all of the thoughts, emotions and prayers are coming to a head. This is the period where I potentially see myself losing my mind.

Oh, how I hate to be still. I don’t stop all day long. I’m not capable of sitting still. I try. I just jump back up with another idea of what I can be doing… I drive myself (and Chad) crazy with this!

Being still has taken on another whole level with this adoption. Everything is completely out of my hands. I can’t even pretend to distract myself with little deeds and doings. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to make it all happen. So I’m in a state of forced stillness.

It’s multi-faceted… It surpasses a physical immobility. It’s a mental stillness where I have to calm my never-ending thoughts and questions. And it goes deeper to an emotional level where I must steady my emotions. (Picture a crazy line graph that’s up and down and all over the board… I’m just trying to even it out with less impassioned highs and lows!)

The stillness goes deeper yet to a spiritual level. Being still before the Lord feels like an impossibility… but the reality is that anything BUT being still is unfeasible.

So I’ve decided to cling to two specific scriptures... They're my current mantras and I've plastered them all over the house. They’re taped to mirrors, cabinets, etc. I have a dear friend texting me one of them daily. I’m trying to embrace this deep stillness and just rest in God. But’s it’s HARD! (And I guess I’m not really successful in being still if I’m running around the house, making signs. That seems more like restless energy than peace!)

Here are the mantras… please pray them for me (and with me because I have a feeling many of us struggle with stillness!)…

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Some trust in chariots and some in horses (or adoption agencies, lawyers, judges, etc.), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7     

A recent attempt at rest and stillness... :)