Numbing

If you've chatted with me lately, you can attest to the fact that I've been a scatterbrained mess! Forgetful. Disconnected... and not quite able to pinpoint what it is I'm feeling. Thoughts of our sweet kids across the sea are always running through the back of my head. But I can't really entertain detailed thoughts. It's like I'm physically incapable of following the thoughts through - my mind just shuts down. I can't process the feelings. I was really struggling until I read this:

"I think God gives us a period of numbing as a kind of grace. Perhaps he knows our small minds couldn't handle the full brunt of reality..." from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Everything I've been feeling clicked. I am walking through a period of numbness. And instead of fretting over it, I need to accept it as a small gift of grace. Navigating the high emotions of this trial is just too much for my heart and mind... and God knows it. 

I'm praying that our kids are experiencing a form of this grace, too... whether it be a necessary numbness, a lack of awareness of time or an extra-strong sense of love. God knows what they need, too. 

So we continue to put one foot in front of the other, now appreciating the numbness for what is it, and acting like God is telling the truth (even on the days we aren't fully feeling it). He is good to the core. He is faithful. His love in unending. He loves these kids even more than we do. He is a father to the fatherless.