Kindness is Countagious

Can I tell you the tale of the Kindness Jar?

When school got out, we had about a week of bliss... and then the bickering began. I am confident you all have lived this too. It's the timeless story of summertime siblings. 

I found myself in this cycle of only saying negative or corrective things - stop. don't. redo. no. It was a spiral downward. I kept thinking I need to turn this around somehow... but really, they just need to stop! :)

Could I bribe them? No, I refused to bribe my kids to be kind to one another. 

After another day of negativity,  I reconsidered - should I bribe them? No. I will not pay my kids to be kind!

Another day of negativity. A moment of desperation... Enter the little fishbowl that I found in our attic. It used to be a reward system for toddler-aged Asher and Cora. I actually tried to give it away when I was cleaning stuff out, but the people who said they wanted it never picked it up... It's like God knew I still needed that fish bowl!

I assigned everyone a colored ball. If I caught someone doing something kind, their colored ball went in the jar. At the end of the week, we'd cash out for a quarter per ball. 

Weeks 1-2... I rewarded every. little. thing. It started out pretty self-centered. "Look, mom, did you see that I just did? Do I get a ball for that minuscule act of kindness I just performed?" 

Week 3... I raised the bar. Only larger, selfless acts of kindness earned a ball. It became a fun challenge.

Week 4... I no longer needed to initiate the rewards. The conversations transitioned to "Mom, so and so deserves a ball. They just did XYZ." This was better than expected - they were becoming so focused beyond themselves they wanted to make sure others earned balls! 

Week 5+... No balls needed. The jar is sitting in our kitchen and the kids aren't asking to cash out. Everyone is just flat out being kind to one another. Woo hoo!! 

May contagious kindness roll into the upcoming school year... 

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

  

Princess Esther

We had the privilege of sending James and Esther to Royal Family Kids Camp last week. It’s a sleepaway camp for children from hard places that gives the kids a TON of positive attention. The “cousins” at camp truly sow into these kids - they see their potential and claim God's promises for these kids. James and Esther were glowing when I picked them up. It was just amazing.

When they came home after being away for a few days, it gave me a chance to look at them with fresh eyes… in less than 9 months, God has transformed these kids in so many BIG ways, but sometimes we don’t notice because the changes are so gradual in our day to day life.

So I wanted to take a minute to give you an example with Esther…

When Esther first joined our family, she did not feel pretty. She refused to wear dresses and would ask me to give her “ugly” clothes. She yelled and cried if I used adjectives like “beautiful.” She wouldn’t look in the mirror. She tore out her hair whenever she felt especially upset. Oh, the wild and crazy stories I could tell you about the 12 hours leading up to the "picture perfect" moment in the photo below (from our holiday tea party at the Jefferson)!! 

Fast forward a few months… to where she started to feel more loved and secure. She didn’t argue with us quite as much when we complimented her. She started to enjoy “hair days” when I style her hair. She discovered that she did, in fact, like fancy things. So much so, she went to the arcade totally decked out, high heels and all.

Fast forward, again, to last week. She had an air of confidence and grace. She glided through camp in a big ball gown, twirling and dancing for everyone. She had the courage to perform a dance in a variety show. And she came home, proclaiming her role as a princess in God’s kingdom. 

She is still shy in accepting compliments. She may look the other way, but you'll notice a little grin and know that your words are sinking in. She has questions about her race, her hair type, her size, etc., but she can now verbalize them and gains a stronger sense of self after each of our chats. She has confident days and insecure days (just like the rest of us)! But the overriding theme is that she's coming into herself. She is getting comfortable in who God created her to be. She can mentally grasp that she is highly valued, even if she doesn't always feel it or believe it.   

This is just one of hundreds of changes we are witnessing in our kids. It is so incredibly precious to observe this growth and God's transformative power. We can't wait to see how she continues to grow in her self-esteem as God's (and our) precious daughter!

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."

"... Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

I couldn't leave Beautiful Cora out of our photo shoot!