Life Beyond Enduring (Update Part 2)

We had intended for 2020 to be the time we moved forward, as a family, out of recovery mode. Chad and I wanted to have the strength and energy to go after life again in a proactive way. There had been so many things on our radar. We were waiting, watching, and ready to act… and then, well, you know. 

A national pandemic. 

New light cast on racial injustice. 

Social distance. 

Virtual learning. (And now for us, homeschooling.)

I feel blessed to say that a lot of good has also come from this year. A slower pace. Quality time. Important conversations. Virtual learning has allowed for a flexible schedule that we are trying to take advantage of - tagging along on Chad’s work trips and enjoying Family Fun Field Trips on Fridays (eye rolls from the kids). The most outstanding thing this year has been a newfound camaraderie between the kids. They have settled into friendships, alliances, and constant banter.  

At some point during the pandemic I picked up the phrase “managing and maintaining” and started using it frequently.

“How are you?” “Oh, you know, managing and maintaining.” 

 

But here’s the thing... And I write all of this because I know we’re not the only ones living this… ‘Managing and maintaining’ isn’t a Christ-like mindset. Merely ENDURING is not where we’re meant to dwell. Chad and I now recognize (I’m embarrassed by how long it took us!) that we were in the throes of a ‘survival’ mindset for the past three years. God has reminded us that we’re not meant to stay there. We were created to live abundantly… to find value in the trials... to maintain joy and expectancy… to acknowledge His refining... to “thrive.”  

  

So what lessons have we been learning during the refining? 

• Felt security is completely different from physical security. 'Felt security' is internal and has no timeline.

• Mental health issues are gripping in a way that is unexplainable if you haven’t experienced it or walked with someone through it. 

• Growth is not linear. I like to think in terms of a straight line from A to B. That is out the window when we’re talking about kids with complex developmental trauma. We are living a messy (and if I’m honest, incredibly frustrating) scribble of forward, backward, and all around. 

• Emotional hurt and the aftermath of neglect run deep. DEEP. Maybe we’ll learn that the saying “time heals all wounds” is true, but as of now that is not our experience. My hope and prayer is that over time the kids come to know God as their Healer and find peace in Him.  

And the simple lesson that we never grow tired of - God is with us. Always with us. Emmanuel.  

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” - Isaiah 9:6

Never doubt that God is with us and wants us to live with intention. Merry Christmas! And here's to re-emerging and living life to the fullest in 2021!

Love & Faith (Update Part 1)

I miss blogging! It was therapeutic to me and sharing our experiences gave me a sense of purpose when we were stuck in the stagnant waiting period of international adoption. However, over the past three years, I haven’t had the mental bandwidth to process my thoughts wholeheartedly, let alone blog about them. 

I’m still not there, so don’t expect an eloquent post. However, I wanted to re-emerge because this December marks the three year anniversary of bringing James and Esther home to our family. You all walked that road with us - encouraged us, prayed for us, supported us. As we look back, our reflections are partly in celebration and partly to just absorb all that God has carried our family through. I know the Facebook photos look rosy, but that’s not real life. I’ve never been a fan of small talk or disgenuine chatter, so I feel really compelled to share the reality of the past three years.  

The first six months were truly a time of crisis - emotional, mental, physical, spiritual. We had expected many of the challenges, but the intensity of the difficulties and the elevated emotions and behaviors were a challenge to navigate. Our home was no longer a safe place and there wasn’t a clear path forward. It was terrifying... but God protected us and provided for us in clear and tangible ways.  

We found help - professionals who truly understood trauma and attachment. We prioritized needs. We recommitted to being consistent, loving, accepting and transparent. We taught the kids that this was an opportunity to come to know God in a deeper way, and He would grow them through it. 

And things mellowed… just a bit. We were still tentative, always a bit on edge, but we were no longer drowning. As the months passed, we felt a little more settled, a little less chaotic. It felt like we were regaining the healthy atmosphere we had always valued in our home. Anxieties diminished. Routines were established. Our family had stabilized.    

A new normal emerged… and we rested in it for quite a while. Anything more was not yet possible. There was still so much to resolve and work out, but the energy wasn’t there. Mere stability was enough. We came to recognize that our mission field was inside of our home, which is exhausting but also an ever-present testimony of God’s faithfulness. 

These phases were challenging each in their own way and incredibly isolating. That being said, there is a piece of wisdom that I am reminded of daily that I wouldn’t trade for anything. Love and faith are ACTIONS. They aren't mere feelings or sentiments. They don’t come and go on a whim. You don’t need to be feeling love and faith to demonstrate love and faith. They are a choice that we should be making every day as followers of Christ. 

We’ve made that choice. We continue to make that choice on even the most difficult days… and we have no doubt God blesses that choice abundantly.

“But be doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” James 1:22