We had intended for 2020 to be the time we moved forward, as a family, out of recovery mode. Chad and I wanted to have the strength and energy to go after life again in a proactive way. There had been so many things on our radar. We were waiting, watching, and ready to act… and then, well, you know.
A national pandemic.
New light cast on racial injustice.
Social distance.
Virtual learning. (And now for us, homeschooling.)
I feel blessed to say that a lot of good has also come from this year. A slower pace. Quality time. Important conversations. Virtual learning has allowed for a flexible schedule that we are trying to take advantage of - tagging along on Chad’s work trips and enjoying Family Fun Field Trips on Fridays (eye rolls from the kids). The most outstanding thing this year has been a newfound camaraderie between the kids. They have settled into friendships, alliances, and constant banter.
At some point during the pandemic I picked up the phrase “managing and maintaining” and started using it frequently.
“How are you?” “Oh, you know, managing and maintaining.”
But here’s the thing... And I write all of this because I know we’re not the only ones living this… ‘Managing and maintaining’ isn’t a Christ-like mindset. Merely ENDURING is not where we’re meant to dwell. Chad and I now recognize (I’m embarrassed by how long it took us!) that we were in the throes of a ‘survival’ mindset for the past three years. God has reminded us that we’re not meant to stay there. We were created to live abundantly… to find value in the trials... to maintain joy and expectancy… to acknowledge His refining... to “thrive.”
So what lessons have we been learning during the refining?
Felt security is completely different from physical security. 'Felt security' is internal and has no timeline.
Mental health issues are gripping in a way that is unexplainable if you haven’t experienced it or walked with someone through it.
Growth is not linear. I like to think in terms of a straight line from A to B. That is out the window when we’re talking about kids with complex developmental trauma. We are living a messy (and if I’m honest, incredibly frustrating) scribble of forward, backward, and all around.
Emotional hurt and the aftermath of neglect run deep. DEEP. Maybe we’ll learn that the saying “time heals all wounds” is true, but as of now that is not our experience. My hope and prayer is that over time the kids come to know God as their Healer and find peace in Him.
And the simple lesson that we never grow tired of - God is with us. Always with us. Emmanuel.
“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” - Isaiah 9:6
Never doubt that God is with us and wants us to live with intention. Merry Christmas! And here's to re-emerging and living life to the fullest in 2021!
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