The Village

We all throw around the saying “it takes a village” while joking about carpools… but seriously it DOES take a village to just get through everyday life, let alone the more challenging times we all face.

I’ve been spending a lot of time sitting in gratitude for our village… Because it has turned out to be far deeper and wider than we could have ever imagined and we are so incredibly grateful!

What does a real, life-giving village look like??? For us, it’s been…

-       Family and friends helping us break through barriers to bring our kids home because they were willing to call and pursue leads with politicians, attorneys, etc.

-       Online chat groups with people I may never meet in person, but who were willing to share their experiences, advice, etc.

-       Adopting without insurmountable debt because our village helped us fundraise

-       Strangers during our travel that paid for meals, bought us gifts, etc.
(Thank you, especially, to the man in the Brussels airport who bought me a box of chocolates and instructed me to hide them in my laundry room for an inevitable rough day… that day came and I ate them all!)

-       Meals delivered to our door for 2+ months so that our time during transition could be prioritized on connecting with our new family

-       Coffee dates and support groups with other adoptive moms… many of whom I just met, but spend hours with, digging in deep

-       Countless carpools, playdates and sleepovers that have helped maintain a sense of normalcy for our bio kids

-       My parents, who have just sat with me so that I wouldn’t be alone when kids endure trauma-related raging

-       Friends who show up at your house, late at night, on 5 minutes notice to take your kids out of the house during emergencies

-       Texts, e-mails, calls of encouragement… and a ton of prayer from friends, church and bible study companions on our behalf behind the scenes

-       A friend showing up at our door with all of the products you need to take care of your new kids’ haircare

-       Bottles of wine dropped on our front porch

-       Forgiveness and grace from other parents when our child makes bad choices that hurt others

-       Teachers going above and beyond in ways I couldn’t foresee to make all four kids feel loved, special and encouraged.

(And I just need to pause here to say, God ordains the people who surprisingly show up in your village! Cora and Esther were assigned a teacher who has personal experience with foster care and kids from trauma backgrounds. James’ teacher has a heart for international kids and was already familiar with Sierra Leone because her church does mission work there. Asher’s teachers have been INCREDIBLE. He gets notes, hugs, lunch dates, etc. It’s been incredible.)

I share all of this because I can’t imagine going through life right now without this village behind us… I’d call out everyone by name, but I’m sure I’d miss someone and feel horrible about the oversight. Relationships like these - this is the good in the world! We can all be a part of someone’s village! (And when our life calms down, I am intent on going back to proactively being a giver, not a receiver, in the villages around me!) 

I thank my God every time I remember you. - Philippians 1:3

Magical

We so often focus on the positive side of adoption – the joy, love, commitment of a “forever family”… The "gain” to our family. But the truth is, adoption is needed because there has been a loss. Adopted kids have endured GREAT loss at a young age. And that loss doesn’t just disappear when they join our family. Their trauma and grief is their history – the place where they grow from. It will surface and resurface over the years to come… just as anyone who has experienced loss understands. It’s a part of their story forever.

In addition to loss through death, James and Esther have said goodbye to their extended families, neighbors, friends, schoolmates, caregivers. They have left their country and birth culture… They have left behind really all that they know.

I say all of this as a sort of response to the comments we get like, “wow, life must be so magical right now!” We understand what you are saying. We appreciate the intent. We know that the words come from a place of support and encouragement… but “magical” it is NOT!

We love these kids. We have fought for them. We celebrate them joining our family. We know that God has big plans for them. We have incredibly beautiful moments with them… and there are incredibly difficult ones, too. I’ve hesitated to say all this because I don’t want to dampen the joy… but it’s the truth. And I feel so incredibly fake when I just smile and nod at the “magical” comments.

That being said, let’s flip back to the adorable, fun, and memorable. Here are just a few random tidbits - maybe "magical" is the right word for this stuff! :)

- Esther is beside herself with joy every time Chad walks into a room. She squeals and squeals!

- Courtesy of "Love is an Open Door" from Frozen, James came up to me singing and said: "Can I say something crazy?" "I like crazy." "I like being your son!" Melt my heart!!!

- A school bus pulled up next to us at a red light one day. Esther gasped and yelled: "OMG! A woman is driving the bus!" I said, "yes, women drive buses in America. Women can have any job they want in America." She just sat there with this giddy and amazed look on her face for the rest of the drive. It was ADORABLE.

- The first time I took James shopping at Target, I kept having to say “no, that’s too expensive” to requests. Every single time he’d throw his hands up and yell “The Lord will provide!”

- 3 months ago, Esther didn't want her hair done, wouldn't wear dresses, said she didn't like anything pretty, screamed "No" if we complimented her, etc. That has changed big-time! She now LOVES getting dressed up! She LOVES the mirror. She swirls and twirls and tells us how pretty she is! 

- James is a soccer star! We knew he liked to mess around and had some fancy footwork... but didn't know how he'd feel in an organized game. His first game was last Saturday. He ran out there and just commanded the field. So much fun to see him in his element!

- Esther calls our master bedroom closet “the store in our house.” LOL

- James told me, “I love my mom because she asks how many chicken nuggets I want and I’m allowed to answer 1-100.” :)

- One of the first times we went to church, James whispered to me, "I've always wanted to be baptized." It has been such a joy to talk with them and listen to their sweet thoughts on God. Their faith runs deep for such a young age... and their prayers have an urgency that you don't sense from other kids who have had more comfortable and consistent early years. So it brought us GREAT joy this past weekend to see James and Esther be water baptized!

The biggest change we've seen over the past few months is just in James' & Esther's social interactions... Their comfort level, ability to adapt, growing imaginations and expanding interests are really amazing to watch unfold. Equally amazing are Asher and Cora as they are stretched well beyond their comfort zone in things like sharing, showing empathy, being leaders, etc. They have both been recognized at school recently for their character and I am just so incredibly proud of them. 

We are blessed!

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7

Great Expectations

We’ve been a bit reclusive as we transition into life as a family of six. Thanks to everyone checking in on us and bringing us meals! I’ve only had to cook 2-3 times/week since mid-December. What a blessing! (Especially since our oven broke last week. Yikes!)

Everyone is doing well. In some ways, we had so many expectations, in other ways we really had none. But overall, any and all expectations we dared to hold have been far exceeded… especially in regard to language, education, and most importantly, attachment.

When you think about just the culture change, alone, I’m amazed at how well James and Esther are adjusting. Then you start factoring in the deeper things - their past trauma, their grief in leaving behind everything they knew, etc. - and realize just how much they are processing right now. We are working through a lot of difficult, emotionally challenging stuff. Life in our house is very messy, but the kids’ resilience and God’s goodness just shine through.

The piece you might not expect is that Asher and Cora are going through a period of grief, too. Their former life no longer exists and that’s a lot to take in. Their sweet friends have been so kind in offering encouragement and giving them time to retreat from the chaos of our house. Much gratitude from Chad and I!

When I pray over the kids each night, I am just making a point of thanking God for always being with us and never leaving us. That just seems to be the message all 4 kids (and Chad and I too!) need to remember right now. All other expectations may go to the wayside, but we can have complete confidence in that truth.   

P.S. I’m keeping an ongoing list of the cute, adorable and hilarious things that are being said and done. I’ll be sure to share a few in the future – they will warm your heart!

I didn't catch it on camera, but Esther DID smile this day! ;)

"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Enjoying the Ride

This Christmas has been a roller coaster of emotions! The highs are higher and more amazing that we could have expected. And the plunges have been fast, steep and not always quick to level out. It’s a windy ride… but we wouldn’t have it any other way!  

Between every cutesy Facebook post or photo is a lot of craziness. I’m not about to post the madness online… but I also hate how the glossy status updates aren’t a depiction of real life. Know that those pictures don’t tell the real story. ;)

That being said, the past 2-3 weeks have been wonderful. James and Esther are amazing. Asher and Cora are incredible. The laughter, joy and love we're all experiencing far exceeds the tears.

Thank you for the continued prayers and support! We are so blessed!

 

"I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done." Pslam 9:1

Introductions

In the summer of 2013 we started the adoption process, not knowing who it was that would one day be part of our family.

In May 2015, God placed their names in our hearts.

In June 2015, I met them in their birth country, Sierra Leone, and gave them hugs for the first time.

In September 2016, they met their new daddy and officially joined our family.

And now, in December 2017, we are thrilled to be united.  

We are filled with such JOY to FINALLY introduce you to James & Esther! 

James lights up a room! He's positive, energetic and extremely considerate of others. People just gravitate towards him... Future plans may include photography - he has already mastered the art of a good selfie.

  

  
Esther is so lovable! She's curious, helpful and wants to figure things out on her own. She has a deep voice that God has paired with an endearing little giggle. She can bring out the sass and likes to strike a pose.

 

We can't wait for you to meet them!   

The Light

Entering a THIRD holiday season with our family still split across continents has been so disheartening. I was ready to skip Thanksgiving and "Bah Humbug" my way through December. 

But then I decided we can't possibly skim over celebrating God's goodness this season. There's just too much to be grateful for, even in the midst of heartache. So over the past few days I was silently chanting "fake it til ya make it"... 

We made gingerbread houses while watching the Thanksgiving parade... Ate way too many of Mimi's pumpkin bars.... Flipped the car stations to 24 hour Christmas music... Whispered our wants to Santa... Walked down memory lane as we hung our family ornaments... And lit up the tree... 

And wow, the light has been transforming! So warm and uplifting, truly penetrating our physical and emotional darkness. Thank you, Jesus, for being the light in my heart and the Light of the World.    

 

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. John 1:5

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12

Laying Claim

We started our adoption journey the summer of 2013. But really it started long before that, because God had stirred out hearts towards adoption over 10 years prior. And I can look back even further to see seeds planted when I was as young as a child. So we had come to the point of saying yes, God. We see where you’ve brought us and where you want us to go – we’re jumping in! We submitted our home study, added our names to the waiting list for Ethiopia adoptions… And then the strangest thing happened – crickets. Silence. No movement at all. For over a year. We were so frustrated with the waiting – but had no idea what waiting was still to come!  

Moving forward with the adoption was so aligned with our life purpose and calling… and the initial paperwork went so smoothly. So I had allowed myself to assume the potential hurdles might not apply. I fall into thinking this way sometimes… I assume if my motives are kingdom-enhancing or if I’m doing something at God's prompting, it will be easy. It will come together quickly. But He doesn’t promise us that. Twists and turns are likely and should be expected. Troubles are guaranteed. I knew that in my head, but had to truly accept it in my heart.

We walked through some ups and downs that first year – paperwork issues, policy changes, etc. – and then Ethiopia halted international adoptions. Around that same time, late in 2014, we started learning more about another African country where there was no wait list – there were children immediately in needs of homes. So we switched programs and agencies. 

In May 2015, we first heard of our children, a little boy and girl. We really only had their names in the beginning, but those sweet names were implanted in our hearts. They just hung with us and we knew they were going to be part of our family. I flew over to meet them as quickly as possible… which was a challenge because ebola was rampant in their country. There were safety protocols, lockdowns, curfews and immigration checks to work through. Those are all crazy stories for another day! But the trip came together and I spent 3 days putting faces and personalities together with those names.

When I first met our son, he walked into the room with a huge smile on his face and just called out, “mama”! I showed him a photo of our family back in the US and he kissed the picture and said “now I have a brother!” Our daughter was slower to warm up… She sat on my lap, her body so rigid in fear… and then after a while she just relaxed and melted back into me… That day, meeting them, was more than I could have ever imagined.

I flew home with the understanding that in 6 months we could return to bring them home with us. Six months felt like an eternity, but we had an end date in sight which made it feel “doable.” Our sweet little middle-of-the-night babbling phone calls would carry us through. Then six months turned into 7, then 8, 9… Paperwork was lost, attorneys were replaced, signatures were re-collected… 9 months turned into 10, 11, 12, 13…

My emotions were all over the place… I stayed grounded by clinging to scripture. I would pick a verse and just repeat it to myself over and over. After a while, a few days or weeks, my anxiety would start to rise and I’d search out a new scripture on which I could meditate and re-center…

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Some trust in chariots and some in horses (or adoption agencies, lawyers, judges, etc.), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7 

Be strong and have strength of heart. Do not be afraid... the Lord your God is the One Who goes with you. He will be faithful to you. He will not leave you.”

"Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." - Romans 12:12

And so on….

Around month 14, we learned there was a judge who would hear our adoption case. Chad and I flew back to Africa, together this time. It was his first chance to meet the kids I had been describing for over a year. It was beautiful - they were so proud to call him their own!

That first day in-country we went to court expecting to have the adoption finalized… but it wasn’t immediately granted. It was postponed. Day after day, sitting on benches in the court house felt never ending. After a full week, Chad had to fly home to the States and I stayed on.

I claim many miracles throughout this process, times when it was clear to me that God intervened and did something supernatural and spectacular on our behalf. One example is when the adoption was finally granted:

On my last appearance before the judge, he had become agitated with one of the witnesses and discovered a misprint on someone’s identification card. The judge abruptly stopped the session, sent us away and said he’d make a decision the next day. So there was nothing I could do but pace my hotel room for the next 24 hours and pray. I got a call the next morning that the judge was expecting myself, the children and all witnesses from the past 2 weeks to be in attendance immediately. The kids were not with me – and everyone else was at least an hour’s drive away. None of us were aware that we were required in court! So I showed up at the judge’s chambers late, alone, ill prepared and anxious! Just as I got there, my attorney came walking out of the judge’s chambers, calm and smiling. The adoption had been granted! The attorney had been discussing the ID card discrepancy with the judge, and felt an urge to check his own ID. When he pulled out his card, he saw that it, too, had a misprint regarding his place of birth. He had never before noticed the error and convinced the judge that these misprints must not be uncommon and should definitely not hold the children back from their future. The judge agreed. How absolutely crazy is that? I will NEVER forget sitting in the facilitator’s car a few moments later. He hit play on a worship CD while I sat in the back seat bawling. Such awe. Such relief. We remembered that and drew upon the memory as we moved forward and waited expectantly for our family to be united. 

So I came home. We were excited, re-energized and ready to makes things happen. We were now applying for the kids' US visas – the document they need to physically enter our country. After years of dealing with the unreliability of foreign governments in third world countries, we would be working with our own government. This would be the “easy” part!

We applied for visas in November 2016… and then the waiting started again. Unanswered phone calls, form responses to e-mails. 1, 2, 3, 4 months went by without any information specific to our case. We called the state department, senators, congressman, immigration officials… We showed up at a congressman’s town hall, tracked down his aide and sobbed out our story. We had expected to not have a voice in the adoption proceedings oversees, but how could we not have a voice here, in our own country? And after all of the miraculous ways God wove the adoption together, how could we just be left in this unthinkable place – with our kids separated on two different continents? We hit a low. 

5, 6, 7, 8 more months… In August 2017 we received notice that not only were the kids’ not getting visas, prior approval of our adoption was being revoked. We retained an attorney, gathered a team of investigators overseas and just dug in. We basically had to reconcile what the US ideally wants to see in terms of documentation versus what is actually available in a third world country that has very limited structure, process and resources. We never imagined we would be in a fight like this. It felt like a legal battle with our own government. It was an emotional battle to stay hopeful and not give in to weariness. It was a spiritual battle to always trust that God is fighting for our family.

A few more miracles were added to our list – it all came together and our initial approval was upheld. Now, 11 months after we first applied for visas, we are reapplying. So the story isn’t over, I’m confident it’s actually just beginning. I feel like God has been pressing upon my heart to write our story and CLAIM the ending. So here it is: God is the Father of the fatherless. He will not leave these children as orphans. They are coming home to us!