Transitions

Quick update: We’re still waiting to receive the kids’ visas. Once the visas are processed, we can make the final trip to bring them into our home.

 

In the mean time, there’s some nesting going on! I’ve got rooms ready, closets stocked, 4 toothbrushes in the kids’ bathroom… I’m keenly aware that there is about to be a flutter of activity, but for a few more days and weeks we have calm. I’m remembering another time with similar feelings: the night before my scheduled induction for Cora.

It was supposed to be a time of excitement. We were on the brink of what we had been waiting for… but my happiness was pushed aside by apprehension. What in the world had we done? Life seemed good as a family of three. We were about to shake things up. What were we thinking??? J I cried myself to sleep that night and then woke up the next morning composed – feeling excited and confident. And now I look back and think, “How boring would our family be without Cora?!”

My experience has been that all of the planning, reading and researching I do gives me invaluable knowledge… but doesn’t actually prepare me for the reality of whatever change I’m going through. The emotional side of transition can’t be tempered – and is draining!  

I’ve now done the planning for our transition from adoption to raising these kids. I’ve read, watched, researched, asked and listened… I’m as ready as I can be, but don’t feel ready at all! I’ve been thinking a lot about what the transition phase is going to look like for us – and I honestly don’t know. There are so many unknowns that we’ll see play out. But we do know a few things:

-       Bonding with these kids is going to be top priority. We were able to bond with Cora and Asher while they were infants – we have met every single one of their needs day in and day out since before they were even born… But creating a sense of trust and attachment with our new kids will look different. They are coming to us from a place of loss. We want to be incredibly sensitive to where they are and what they feel… so that over time we can build attachment.  

-       We’re going to emphasize boundaries. I can’t even imagine how overwhelmed they will feel. Everything is going to be new and different – their physical environment, climate, language, culture, food. The stimulation will be overwhelming and exhausting. We’re going to stay home way more than usual (which will be a challenge!). We’re going to limit the people that come into our house. We’re going to be sticklers for a schedule. All in an attempt to minimize their chaos.

-       We will physically model family. Even bigger than learning about their new environment will be learning about relationships. They have had many changes in parental figures and caregivers over the course of their lives. There has not been consistency. While we can tell them about love and family, it’ll just be words to them. We need to show them… by being the ones to hold them, hug them, feed them, etc. We want them to see within our nuclear family they are safe and they will have their needs met. Once they have a healthy bond with us, we can extend it to other relationships.

I’m picturing us going into a cocoon of sorts! And emerging as a full fledged family of six! J

Be strong and have strength of heart. Do not be afraid... the Lord your God is the One Who goes with you. He will be faithful to you. He will not leave you.”

2 Timothy 1:7 (NLV)

Continued Prayer Requests:

- Pray that the Embassy feels a sense of urgency in processing these visas

- Pray for all four of the kids... that their hearts and minds be prepared, as much as possible, for the upcoming changes our family will experience. It’s going to be both amazing and difficult on all of us in different ways! 

Clinging

Thank you to everyone who has been sharing hopes of our family being together for Christmas. Unfortunately, this is not going to be the year that we're united for the holidays. We're disappointed by the circumstances, but continue to feel encouraged through faith and supportive friends and family! 

The message that God has been whispering to me over and over again throughout this entire adoption process is “Do you trust me?” It’s crazy how many different ways that one thought can manifest itself…

"Do you trust me?"

Because I, God, am in control – not the agencies, attorneys, government officials, judges, etc.

"Do you trust me?"

Because you could just be still and know that it’s ME fighting these battles for you.

"Do you trust me?"

Because if you allow yourself to, you will experience peace within these unknowns.

"Do you trust me?"

Because if so, you’ll realize these children are MINE and I love them and care for them even more than you do.

And here’s where I was called out today:

"Do you trust ME?"

Because you’re holding onto every single detail so tightly that I’m getting the impression you don’t!!!

So I’m asking myself: Am I using this process as a walk of faith… as opportunity to draw closer to God? Or am I walking through as if it's a plan that I, myself, need to carry out? If I cling to details and try to stake claim on things (this is my family, my process, my kids) then I’m acting like this is all within my control - like my plan supersedes God's. Not so!

Experience a season of BELIEVING with us!
Merry Christmas!

And as Christmas is approaching, I’m thinking about the people 2,000 years ago who likely also made the mistake of clinging to the details… The people who clung to their own notions of what their king would be… Years after Jesus' birth they may have looked back, heard the story of how God used a baby to redeem the world, and THEN believed… But they missed out on the opportunity to believe in the present... and actually experience the story as it unfolded... and witness God in action. 

I don’t want to make that mistake in my present! Are you with me?! :) Merry Christmas! 

"Rejoice, O people! Shout in triumph, O people!Look, your king is coming to you. He is righteous and victorious, yet he is humble, riding on a donkey—riding on a donkey’s colt." Zechariah 9:9

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government and its peace will never end. He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity. Isaiah 9:6-7

Take Heart!

The closer we get to bringing these kids into our home, the higher my emotions run. One LITTLE bit of negative or positive news sends BIG waves of feelings!

For the negative news...  I've been frustrated with myself and how quickly I become disheartened! Two months ago, I was in Africa, experiencing active, tangible faith. I could feel God's presence and was praying with confidence. And now, here I am, feeling distraught over new hurdles - hurdles that are so small in comparison to His ability. Proof that emotions are fickle.

In this hard place, I've been reminded that we're actually guaranteed things WILL go wrong in this world. It seems prideful to assume otherwise. We can follow God's lead... We can make decisions that seem "right" in light of his teachings... We can pray whole heartedly for something, but that doesn't mean we're entitled to it happening as we want or expect. Our obedience to the Lord doesn't equal "success" - especially in the ways we may define success. God's thoughts and ways are so much higher than our own.        

And for the positive news...
We get news of little victories that show God moving in explicable ways and at unexpected times. It's exciting and encouraging and so invigorating!

One of the recent positives was being awarded an adoption scholarship from Liberty Heights Church in Cincinnati. We are so grateful for their support! I want to share this video with you as a recognition of National Adoption Month. The community of people who fight for orphans and support adoption is a supportive group! Keep that in mind if you feel God nudging you in this direction... He has the ability to meet all of your needs... and will often do so using other people! 

Scholarship Video

So as we've experienced ups and downs in another period of waiting, I am so grateful to find peace and rest in the Lord - because unlike me, He is not driven by the instability of emotion. I will trust Him through the entire journey!

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 

"And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossions 3:15

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18

Hopes & Dreams

I spend so much time thinking about our "new" kiddos! Our recent time with them allowed us to glimpse more of their personalities. So now my daydreams are more specific than before. God created them - every detail - and I just want to know more and more of them! It's going to take time... And the truth is, there's so much more for them to learn about themselves.

I keep thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If you ever took a Psych 101 class, you know what I'm talking about. It's the concept that we all have many needs, but the base needs are survival driven. Those needs must be met before we move on to understanding the others... 

Our kids are at the base. Over their little lifetimes, biological needs haven't consistently been met so a good portion of their brain is just always consumed with the basics: food and water. It's truly a survival mode. They can't really focus on much else or see beyond their present environment... They intellectually know about some of the other needs, like safety and belonging, but they haven't experienced much of that security. They just can't comprehend it yet.

So questions that we're generally used to asking as we get to know little ones aren't really effective in this situation. Simple "what is your favorite color" or "what do you like to do" can stump them...

When we asked our daughter about her favorite foods, she seemed confused. Then she listed things... When we met those exact requests, we realized she didn't like those foods and obviously hadn't tried them before. She had just answered with the foods she had heard other people talk about!

And when we ask our son what he likes to play, he'll tell you that riding a bike is his favorite thing. And then if you ask more about it, you learn he's never owned a bike, ridden a bike, or even seen a bike up close... it's the idea of a bike! He may or may not like it when he finally gets to ride one, but pretty soon he'll be able to try it and make up his own mind. (I have a feeling Santa has this in the works! ;))

So you can only imagine how a question like "what do you want to be when you grow up" would blow their minds! We can't wait to see what dreams God lays in their sweet hearts... and how precious the day is when they realize the possibilities are endless!

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

The Others

When we were with our son, he used the phrase "the others" over and over again... 

Thank you, mama, for dinner. Did you send dinner for "the others"? 

Can we take this snack to "the others"?

Can these extra books be for "the others"?

He went out of his way to share with everyone he saw. Kids on the street, tourists staying in our hotel, employees at stores... In his mind, anyone and everyone was one of "the others" in need. Every meal we ate, he would try to take water and leftovers out to the security guards at our hotel. They tried to turn him down, but he was persistent! :) He has no perspective on there being people NOT in need. 

Our hearts are now split... and we realize they will always be stretched across continents. Our family is intertwined with another culture and history. With this in mind, the day that we bring the kids into the States will not end our involvement in their home country. We intend to stay connected, involved and be part of impacting lives beyond the two that we now hold dear! We want them to know we are still working to help "the others."

Ready to start the school day!

We will have one final trip related to the adoption. God willing, it will be in the next couple of months. When we go back, we would love to bless "the others" in a few different ways... Can you help?!

(1) Backpacks
Transportation is difficult there - the average person does not have access to a car, motorcycle or even a bike. Walking is the primary way to get around... so you can imagine how helpful backpacks are for both kids and adults! Everyone needs them - to carry their belongings while they're on the go. If you want to make a donation that is truly useful - this is it. Please send us gently used or new backpacks (they're on clearance this time of year!). We're hoping to fill at least one suitcase to take!

(2) Applesauce
The kids at the orphanage LOVED the squeezy applesauces! A great healthy snack that is also hydrating! If you're like me, you probably have some to spare from your giant Costco-sized box! ;) Send them our way!

(3) Technology
A computer lab is in the works for the school our kids attend. This is beyond anything that the average school has, but the vision has been planted and God has been making it happen. Phones, tablets and laptops that we may consider "outdated" still have life left in them! They would be so appreciated by the teachers and students. If you have any devices you're about to part with, please let us know!


On a personal note, we are continuing to set aside funds for our final adoption fees and travel expenses. We have turned our attention away from proactively fundraising to focus our time on preparing for the upcoming transition... However, our Lifesong account is still open should you feel a desire to support our journey financially... Follow the prompts to donate to "Adoption" and an "Adoptive Family." Our family number is 04230. THANK YOU!
https://www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate/  

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the right of widows. Isaiah 1:17

Heartwarming and Heartbreaking

My head is still swirling and emotions still running high from the trip! 

We feel like when we are there, we're living in this paradox of experiencing things that are both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. There is such despair... and such goodness.

Here are two examples of what I mean... 

Heartbreaking to see the need... Heartwarming to see the response...

This is a pic of our kiddos reaching out of our taxi... We spent a fair amount of time in the car, driving between appointments. On this particular day, we had stopped at a grocery store and let the kids each pick out 3 items. They both chose a box of cookies, milk and a jar of peanut butter. About 5 minutes later, we were sitting in traffic at a corner where some children were working/selling items... Our son rolled down the window, called them over and shared his cookies with them. He told the kids to go find cups, which they did, and then he filled their cups with his milk. And then our daughter opened up her peanut butter and let them each reach in to grab a handful. (I buried my instinct to cringe at the germs exchanged!) 

They could relate to those unknown kids. They know what it's like to be hungry. They didn't hesitate for a second to share with someone else in need... and their generosity wasn't limited - they were willing to part with every single item we had just given them. It was precious.

Heartbreaking to see destitution and experience the retelling of losses endured... Heartwarming to see commitment to children's wellbeing...

Part of the delay and issue with our adoption has been that the country experienced unethical adoptions in the past. As a result, they did not conduct adoptions for a period of time and are now beginning again... and they're hesitant to trust outsiders. Every single person of authority that we've encountered wants to make sure that our children are in fact orphaned and there is no misunderstanding regarding what adoption means (not a short term or temporary arrangement)... So the caregivers and extended families of the children have been called to testify again and again to "be sure". 

Our kids are so blessed by these adults who care about them and their well being so incredibly much. These people have had to make long treks to the city at least 10 or more times now (partly due to lost paperwork. ugh!). This means day long trips, tedious travel, lost wages, etc. Then they have to stand before various officials (judges, attorneys, directors) and explain over and over again the losses they've endured and why they can no longer continue caring for these children. We have watched them be spoken to harshly - and I can only imagine the sadness, grief, humiliation and more they feel in these "interviews". Chad and I keep saying it would surely have been easier on them to just leave the children in the orphanage... but going through these steps is the only way that they can ensure the children are adopted and have a better future. My heart goes out to them! Please keep them in your prayers... 

Answers Part 2

In terms of the actual adoption process, we made significant progress over during the 2 weeks in country. We had some hurdles, but nothing insurmountable. It was generally a time of positive relationship building with key individuals. There are definitely stories to share of God's movement on our behalf!

Here’s another specific prayer request we've had over the last year... and the answer... 
 

• Signed Paperwork! You’ve all heard us talk about “the signature”. We waited months and months and months for the signature. We received feedback indicating the individual required to sign didn’t support adoption, refused to sign, was not open to discussing further, etc. There have been other difficulties, too, but the outstanding signature was the key issue lingering in the background. Even if a judge granted the adoption, we needed this sign-off as well.
  
  We visited this individual's office one of our first days in country – to just introduce ourselves and be available to talk if she was interested. We figured any preemptive relationship building would help. Afterall, we’d be coming to her for the final sign-off…
  We waited quite awhile in her building (waiting hours for people to address you is common there!)... Then we were escorted to her office, where we sat with the kids on our laps. She didn’t really speak directly with us - we just listened to her talk with a few colleagues - the conversation went in circles. We couldn’t understand it all, but we could discern that the tone was NOT positive… and then all of a sudden, she stopped, looked at us, and briefly said “I see the bond. These children are attached to you. I approve and will sign.” She took photos of us and sent us on our way…
  
  Hallelujah!
  
  We’ve been praying for her to have a change of heart, but not just towards our specific case. The bold prayer is that her heart is changed towards adoption, in general, to give more children an opportunity to be raised with a family, not in an institution. Continuing to pray that while she did approve ours, she becomes open to approving others, as well.

 

So now that we're home and have been issues an actual court order, we can start moving forward with the US side of things... like applying for visas. Praying it moves quickly so we can bring these kiddos home with us as soon as possible!