Introductions

In the summer of 2013 we started the adoption process, not knowing who it was that would one day be part of our family.

In May 2015, God placed their names in our hearts.

In June 2015, I met them in their birth country, Sierra Leone, and gave them hugs for the first time.

In September 2016, they met their new daddy and officially joined our family.

And now, in December 2017, we are thrilled to be united.  

We are filled with such JOY to FINALLY introduce you to James & Esther! 

James lights up a room! He's positive, energetic and extremely considerate of others. People just gravitate towards him... Future plans may include photography - he has already mastered the art of a good selfie.

  

  
Esther is so lovable! She's curious, helpful and wants to figure things out on her own. She has a deep voice that God has paired with an endearing little giggle. She can bring out the sass and likes to strike a pose.

 

We can't wait for you to meet them!   

The Light

Entering a THIRD holiday season with our family still split across continents has been so disheartening. I was ready to skip Thanksgiving and "Bah Humbug" my way through December. 

But then I decided we can't possibly skim over celebrating God's goodness this season. There's just too much to be grateful for, even in the midst of heartache. So over the past few days I was silently chanting "fake it til ya make it"... 

We made gingerbread houses while watching the Thanksgiving parade... Ate way too many of Mimi's pumpkin bars.... Flipped the car stations to 24 hour Christmas music... Whispered our wants to Santa... Walked down memory lane as we hung our family ornaments... And lit up the tree... 

And wow, the light has been transforming! So warm and uplifting, truly penetrating our physical and emotional darkness. Thank you, Jesus, for being the light in my heart and the Light of the World.    

 

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. John 1:5

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”  John 8:12

Laying Claim

We started our adoption journey the summer of 2013. But really it started long before that, because God had stirred out hearts towards adoption over 10 years prior. And I can look back even further to see seeds planted when I was as young as a child. So we had come to the point of saying yes, God. We see where you’ve brought us and where you want us to go – we’re jumping in! We submitted our home study, added our names to the waiting list for Ethiopia adoptions… And then the strangest thing happened – crickets. Silence. No movement at all. For over a year. We were so frustrated with the waiting – but had no idea what waiting was still to come!  

Moving forward with the adoption was so aligned with our life purpose and calling… and the initial paperwork went so smoothly. So I had allowed myself to assume the potential hurdles might not apply. I fall into thinking this way sometimes… I assume if my motives are kingdom-enhancing or if I’m doing something at God's prompting, it will be easy. It will come together quickly. But He doesn’t promise us that. Twists and turns are likely and should be expected. Troubles are guaranteed. I knew that in my head, but had to truly accept it in my heart.

We walked through some ups and downs that first year – paperwork issues, policy changes, etc. – and then Ethiopia halted international adoptions. Around that same time, late in 2014, we started learning more about another African country where there was no wait list – there were children immediately in needs of homes. So we switched programs and agencies. 

In May 2015, we first heard of our children, a little boy and girl. We really only had their names in the beginning, but those sweet names were implanted in our hearts. They just hung with us and we knew they were going to be part of our family. I flew over to meet them as quickly as possible… which was a challenge because ebola was rampant in their country. There were safety protocols, lockdowns, curfews and immigration checks to work through. Those are all crazy stories for another day! But the trip came together and I spent 3 days putting faces and personalities together with those names.

When I first met our son, he walked into the room with a huge smile on his face and just called out, “mama”! I showed him a photo of our family back in the US and he kissed the picture and said “now I have a brother!” Our daughter was slower to warm up… She sat on my lap, her body so rigid in fear… and then after a while she just relaxed and melted back into me… That day, meeting them, was more than I could have ever imagined.

I flew home with the understanding that in 6 months we could return to bring them home with us. Six months felt like an eternity, but we had an end date in sight which made it feel “doable.” Our sweet little middle-of-the-night babbling phone calls would carry us through. Then six months turned into 7, then 8, 9… Paperwork was lost, attorneys were replaced, signatures were re-collected… 9 months turned into 10, 11, 12, 13…

My emotions were all over the place… I stayed grounded by clinging to scripture. I would pick a verse and just repeat it to myself over and over. After a while, a few days or weeks, my anxiety would start to rise and I’d search out a new scripture on which I could meditate and re-center…

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

Some trust in chariots and some in horses (or adoption agencies, lawyers, judges, etc.), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7 

Be strong and have strength of heart. Do not be afraid... the Lord your God is the One Who goes with you. He will be faithful to you. He will not leave you.”

"Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." - Romans 12:12

And so on….

Around month 14, we learned there was a judge who would hear our adoption case. Chad and I flew back to Africa, together this time. It was his first chance to meet the kids I had been describing for over a year. It was beautiful - they were so proud to call him their own!

That first day in-country we went to court expecting to have the adoption finalized… but it wasn’t immediately granted. It was postponed. Day after day, sitting on benches in the court house felt never ending. After a full week, Chad had to fly home to the States and I stayed on.

I claim many miracles throughout this process, times when it was clear to me that God intervened and did something supernatural and spectacular on our behalf. One example is when the adoption was finally granted:

On my last appearance before the judge, he had become agitated with one of the witnesses and discovered a misprint on someone’s identification card. The judge abruptly stopped the session, sent us away and said he’d make a decision the next day. So there was nothing I could do but pace my hotel room for the next 24 hours and pray. I got a call the next morning that the judge was expecting myself, the children and all witnesses from the past 2 weeks to be in attendance immediately. The kids were not with me – and everyone else was at least an hour’s drive away. None of us were aware that we were required in court! So I showed up at the judge’s chambers late, alone, ill prepared and anxious! Just as I got there, my attorney came walking out of the judge’s chambers, calm and smiling. The adoption had been granted! The attorney had been discussing the ID card discrepancy with the judge, and felt an urge to check his own ID. When he pulled out his card, he saw that it, too, had a misprint regarding his place of birth. He had never before noticed the error and convinced the judge that these misprints must not be uncommon and should definitely not hold the children back from their future. The judge agreed. How absolutely crazy is that? I will NEVER forget sitting in the facilitator’s car a few moments later. He hit play on a worship CD while I sat in the back seat bawling. Such awe. Such relief. We remembered that and drew upon the memory as we moved forward and waited expectantly for our family to be united. 

So I came home. We were excited, re-energized and ready to makes things happen. We were now applying for the kids' US visas – the document they need to physically enter our country. After years of dealing with the unreliability of foreign governments in third world countries, we would be working with our own government. This would be the “easy” part!

We applied for visas in November 2016… and then the waiting started again. Unanswered phone calls, form responses to e-mails. 1, 2, 3, 4 months went by without any information specific to our case. We called the state department, senators, congressman, immigration officials… We showed up at a congressman’s town hall, tracked down his aide and sobbed out our story. We had expected to not have a voice in the adoption proceedings oversees, but how could we not have a voice here, in our own country? And after all of the miraculous ways God wove the adoption together, how could we just be left in this unthinkable place – with our kids separated on two different continents? We hit a low. 

5, 6, 7, 8 more months… In August 2017 we received notice that not only were the kids’ not getting visas, prior approval of our adoption was being revoked. We retained an attorney, gathered a team of investigators overseas and just dug in. We basically had to reconcile what the US ideally wants to see in terms of documentation versus what is actually available in a third world country that has very limited structure, process and resources. We never imagined we would be in a fight like this. It felt like a legal battle with our own government. It was an emotional battle to stay hopeful and not give in to weariness. It was a spiritual battle to always trust that God is fighting for our family.

A few more miracles were added to our list – it all came together and our initial approval was upheld. Now, 11 months after we first applied for visas, we are reapplying. So the story isn’t over, I’m confident it’s actually just beginning. I feel like God has been pressing upon my heart to write our story and CLAIM the ending. So here it is: God is the Father of the fatherless. He will not leave these children as orphans. They are coming home to us!

Time

Do you all think about time as much as I do? I measure, track and so on! I am constantly thinking about how to handle something efficiently, how to coordinate family schedules, how to maximize errand running, etc. It's a valuable resource that I want to use well! 

I also often think in terms of lapsed time... looking back at our family photo books, comparing the kids' school pictures from year to year, playing a memory game of what were we doing this time last year? 10 years ago? 

As a parent there are so many ways to measure the time passed with our kids - the birthdays, the school grades, the holidays, the well checks... let alone all of the day to day bonding and memory making. So I really struggle with the notion of lost time... For example, our daughter just turned 8. I met her when she was 5. My mind immediately does the math and focuses on the 3 years gone. It's so hard to not dwell there! 

But I'm starting to feel my mind being freed from this... It's (finally) sinking in that when God says His thoughts & ways are not the same as ours... that includes time. Time isn't the same for Him... He can redeem something that is lost in the blink of an eye.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

When we received notice regarding our children's case in August, we had 33 days to respond. That did not seem like a doable time frame for the task at hand. Our attorney was preparing us for the long term appeal process that would ensue, assuming we didn't meet the deadline. Those 33 days became a constant countdown in the back of my mind. But as much as I was aware of it, I didn't feel all that anxious. We were confident that the bleaker things appeared to be, the greater the victory could be... and the more awesome the story would be to tell... We know from experience that God shines in what appears to be "crunch time." His ways are not ours...

And here's what has been happening:
- Our deadline was extended by a week based on a clerical error in the paperwork. That was a miraculous gift of extra time!
- The information we needed to submit was reliant upon a team in the children's birth country... a team that was also living through horrific flooding and mudslides... a team whose technology challenges meant their scanner was intermittent in getting documents to us... and yet everything needed came through in the end!
- After submitting our paperwork, our previous approval was IMMEDIATELY upheld. Hallelujah!

All incredible! So now our focus is back to securing visas. 

I don't know why this is taking so long... I don't know why this is all playing out in such a complicated, messy way... I will likely never know. But I do know that God's thoughts and ways (and concept of time) is higher than my own. There's a freedom in knowing God knows and I don't have to - I'm not even expected to!

P.S. This month marked a birthday for our sweet girl!
Praying she felt loved from a distance! 

Battle Weary

I am re-surfacing a bit after a month of craziness. For those of you I kind of shut down on, I apologize! It's been a difficult month and I was just trying to get through. Thank you for the space you've given us.

In early August we finally heard back regarding the kids' visas. It was NOT the long awaited approval that we were expecting. And so life became a whirlwind...

We retained an attorney, gathered a team of investigators overseas and just dug in. We're basically reconciling what the US ideally wants to see in terms of documentation versus what is actually available in a third world country that has very limited structure, process and resources.

We never imagined we would be in a fight like this. It's a legal battle with our own government. It's an emotional battle to stay hopeful and not give in to weariness. It's a spiritual battle to always trust that God is fighting for our family. Prayers continue to be appreciated!

“Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged... Be strong and courageous..." Joshua 10:25

"Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them. You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them." Psalm 10:17-18

Numbing

If you've chatted with me lately, you can attest to the fact that I've been a scatterbrained mess! Forgetful. Disconnected... and not quite able to pinpoint what it is I'm feeling. Thoughts of our sweet kids across the sea are always running through the back of my head. But I can't really entertain detailed thoughts. It's like I'm physically incapable of following the thoughts through - my mind just shuts down. I can't process the feelings. I was really struggling until I read this:

"I think God gives us a period of numbing as a kind of grace. Perhaps he knows our small minds couldn't handle the full brunt of reality..." from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

Everything I've been feeling clicked. I am walking through a period of numbness. And instead of fretting over it, I need to accept it as a small gift of grace. Navigating the high emotions of this trial is just too much for my heart and mind... and God knows it. 

I'm praying that our kids are experiencing a form of this grace, too... whether it be a necessary numbness, a lack of awareness of time or an extra-strong sense of love. God knows what they need, too. 

So we continue to put one foot in front of the other, now appreciating the numbness for what is it, and acting like God is telling the truth (even on the days we aren't fully feeling it). He is good to the core. He is faithful. His love in unending. He loves these kids even more than we do. He is a father to the fatherless. 

Voice

We've been holding back from saying much about the hard place we’re walking through… Talking about it turns into venting about it… which moves my focus (and mood!) downward. I’m doing everything I can to keep my focus upward. That’s the only way I can remain hopeful, faithful and trusting… let alone sane!

We’re kind of living a dichotomy. These kids emotionally feel a part of our family and are legally part of our family BUT we can't physically be together like a family. They have what they need to leave their birth country, but they can't enter our home country until they have the necessary paperwork.

We've been networking and advocating within the system, only to be discouraged by the bureaucracy and by the way the kids are referred to as merely a "case." We fully expected to have no voice in the adoption process when working with the government of our kids' birth country. However, when we moved into the stage of dealing with our own government, we assumed we would have a voice... We were wrong to make that assumption and feel pretty disheartened. 

(I will pause to say we recently met a woman who has shown more empathy and desire to help than anyone else we've encountered. We're truly appreciative of her and are hopeful she's the person who will be able to successfully advocate for our children!)

I've been spending a lot of time dwelling on this idea of having no voice... the perceived injustice of it... and I've been reminding myself that the one place where I DO have a voice, and always will, is with God. He hears me. He listens. He acts. It's difficult to remember that when I'm not seeing my big desire fulfilled in what I would consider a timely fashion... but it hit me today that I AM seeing God respond to many specific needs I voice to Him...

... The family that donated to our adoption fund multiple times this year, when we weren't proactively speaking of that need. When I thanked her, she said, "God told me that this was how I should encourage you."

... The neighbor that recently brought me an index card with a handwritten scripture because she prayed and felt like God led her to give me that message. And they were the exact words I needed to hear.

...The friend who saw me the other night and just said, "I see your heaviness" and gave me a hug. So small, but I was feeling invisible and walking through especially tough day.

These are just three tiny examples, but they are specifically meaningful to me because they came from people I don't see often, people who don't know the ins and outs of our daily trials. They didn't know I had voiced a need to God... and they didn't realize He was using them to meet those needs!

Please hold us in your prayers! We're approaching our son's birthday... days of significance, like birthdays, are especially difficult for all of us...

"Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." - Romans 12:12