Word Picture

Over the years, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to participate in a handful of international mission trips… I truly love the experiences, but always come home with such conflicting emotions regarding the vast contrast between my daily life and the lives of others across the globe… particularly those in countries that we would classify as developing or third world…

I’ve been wanting to download my experience in Africa – to share with you an image of what I experienced… But I’ve been struggling with how to do that because I want to avoid making comparisons or contrasts. Other countries and cultures are SO very different than life here in suburban America. When describing the differences, I don’t want one or the other to necessarily sound good versus bad… because the truth is, they’re so very different that a comparison isn’t even adequate. And different can be OK – it doesn’t have to be a good/better/best thing.

When I had the opportunity to experience rural China, it was like going back in time hundreds of years. Dirt roads. Clay huts. Wandering animals and shepherds. No electricity. No modern conveniences. Primitive and undeveloped. It was a simple existence.  

During our trip to Nigeria, the area we visited was impoverished in infrastructure, but not in spirit. There was an energy – a buzz in the air. My memory is that people were upbeat and joyful. We met individuals with vision… people who loved their culture and had hopes for their country’s future. The overall atmosphere was dynamic to me.

The country I visited this year felt so very different than these others… 

The city had a buzz, an energy. There was a hustle and bustle that seemed consistent with all cities. I saw wide disparities – a divide between people, conditions, status. What struck me most, though, was that it didn’t feel undeveloped like you’d imagine a third world country. It had been developed, or at least on that path, and then development was abandoned. The words devastation, destruction and deterioration come to mind. They had been on the brink of something that had potential and promise, so the current condition held a sadness for me.

Our children live about 20 miles outside of this city, but it’s about a 2 hour drive (for those privileged to have transportation) due to dilapidated roads...

It’s one thing to live simply… to have small huts as shelter, 1-2 articles of clothing, modest work, etc… I felt like I saw that in China and Nigeria. That’s where I want to avoid comparisons to our lifestyle, because while I would call that poor or humble by worldly standards, I wouldn’t say it’s "unacceptable".

Market in Nigeria

Village Road
near my children's home

 

What I saw in my children's village was beyond the poverty I had witnessed previously… Little to no naturally available drinking water. Limited access to food (especially food that has the vitamins needed for nourishment). Bugs hovering on food and bodies. No transportation (not even bikes) to work, go to school, go to hospitals, etc. These scarcities create hindrances to hope for the future – what do you dream about? work towards?   

However, I would go further than using the word “impoverished” to describe the people I observed there. I would say “desolate” is more accurate… because there’s a layer of emotional deprivation, too. These people have seen civil war and disease like we can’t even imagine. I felt a heaviness… a weariness… I saw a darkness in their eyes... It was distressing to experience and disheartening to see the complexities of poverty. How could I even begin to help???

On this journey, I met some REALLY AMAZING people who are helping by using their specific gifts and passions.

The facilitator that I spent much of my time with LOVES his country and people. He’s not just doing a job, his heart and soul is with the families for whom he advocates. And as if working and raising his own family isn’t enough, he’s dedicated to starting a school to teach technology to the next generation. He has a plan and it’s beautiful.

The man who runs the foster home where our children are currently living is the most joyful person I have ever met. I physically felt his joy when he walked into the room for the first time. He knows the value of education and is working to make sure it’s available to children. He has vision, creative ideas and is getting things done by collaborating with others. And did I mention his energy and joy?!

And the attorney working on behalf of our kids? Wow. She fights for those who can’t fight for themselves. She is a trailblazer on issues of social injustice. Many culture changing laws have been established because of her persistence. When she shared her story with me, I felt like I was experiencing greatness. Amazing, amazing woman.

These are ordinary people doing extraordinary things with God's help. Chad and I are giving family, love, hope and future to two children… We are so grateful to be able to do that… But adopting them doesn’t help the overwhelming number of other people who are living in devastation. Adoption doesn’t solve the core problems that come with extreme poverty and deprivation. We’re doing the part that God called us to do in the present… I hope one day in the future He uses us to do more in their birth country... and even more so, I hope that a day comes when there isn't a need for adoption… 

In the meantime, I am praying for the world changers that He has already called into action. 

   

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17

Don’t put your life in the hands of experts who know nothing of life, of salvation life. Mere humans don’t have what it takes; when they die, their projects die with them. Instead, get help from the God of Jacob, put your hope in God and know real blessing! God made sky and soil, sea and all the fish in it.

He always does what he says— he defends the wronged, he feeds the hungry.
God frees prisoners— he gives sight to the blind, he lifts up the fallen.
God loves good people, protects strangers, takes the side of orphans and widows, but makes short work of the wicked. Psalm 146:6-9

Gift of Words

I just sealed up two envelopes filled with photos, letters and drawings that will be on their way to Africa. We’re so excited to have the opportunity to communicate with the kids. I think about them daily and worry about what their perception is over there… if they’re anything like Asher & Cora, they have no real concept of time. Do they understand I’m coming back? Even though it feels like SO much time is passing?

We originally intended to send care packages, but have been asked not to… Packages would likely be stolen and/or make it to the kids only if the school could pay bribes of some sort. (Totally different world than we live in, right? I see glimpses of the culture there, and in other countries we’ve visited, and am reminded how blessed we are! We live in a country that has imperfect policies, practices, etc. There are ongoing challenges and concerns… but the fundamentals of freedom, equality and pursuit of happiness are out there for us!) 

So instead of gifts, we are sending letters… and writing the letters has become a gift to us. Sitting down, thinking about what we want to say, formulating the words… it’s a sweet and simple way to focus our attention on the kids and what they may need to hear.

The family photos we're sending include pics of
A & C holding up letters for their siblings names.

There’s something significant in written words for me. Things can be said verbally, but they don’t hold the importance and value like a composed letter. I could get 100 verbal “happy birthdays”, but it’d be the one birthday note in my mailbox that really makes me feel cherished.

A letter takes time to create. The author has been intentional about compiling their thoughts. As the reader, you sense the importance of what they want to say. You know that you can read it once, twice, and over and over again.

I write Asher & Cora letters in a journal from time to time… to document special moments, gifts I see in them, and words of encouragement for their life journeys. I’ve also created an ongoing written testimony of what God has done in our lives that we will one day share with our family in detail… The list of how God shows himself is growing exponentially as we walk this path!

... and as I write this, I’m reminded that the Bible is God’s letter to us… and His written words truly give life!

Now that you’ve cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it. Your new life is not like your old life. Your old birth came from mortal sperm; your new birth comes from God’s living Word. Just think: a life conceived by God himself! 1 Peter: 22-24 (The Message)

The Flip Side

A theme in our house lately has been “choosing joy”. We’re trying to help our kids along the path of recognizing their thoughts, taking control of the negative ones and turning them around to something productive or positive… Chad's new teaching point of "only YOU can control your thoughts" rings in our house even after he's left for work each morning. :)

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Philippians 4:8 (Message)

  

As it usually goes, when I try to emphasize a principle with the kids, I start to notice how often I don’t model my own teachings! For instance, am I choosing joyful thoughts as they relate to our adoption wait?

I've come to a place where it's not forefront in my mind on a day-to-day basis. I’ve accepted it, put it in the “it’s out of my control” part of my brain, and don’t dwell. I'm at peace with it each morning... BUT as some days progress it's brought to my attention a few too many times. 

Side note: On a drive last week, Asher spontaneously yelled from the backseat, “I can’t wait to meet my brother. I want it to be NOW! I am so tired of waiting that I’d be OK with meeting my sister first, as long as it could be NOW!” :)

Although in various forms, “when” is the most frequent question we are asked. How much longer til XYZ? When do you expect to know more? How long has it been since you started the process? When will they come home? What is taking so long?? 

I answer the questions and downcast feelings seep in.

So lately I’m trying to practice what I’m preaching to the kids... focusing on the flip side of what appears to be a depressingly long wait. Is there a positive?

Yes! 

I’m seeing it in Asher and Cora. They have had so much time to adjust to this concept that was originally foreign to them. We’ve never had to sit them down with a big awkward “announcement.” This is something that entered into our family’s language years ago and become part of our dialogue. Their questions are being answered, at their own pace when they think to ask them. Changes to their bedrooms, lifestyle, etc. are gradual. We’re not rushed in making preparations, so we have time to get their input and follow through on their ideas. Their hearts are growing and they’re becoming more and more interested in finding ways to love on and share with others. And probably most importantly, they’re getting to squeak out a little more undivided attention from Chad and I. :)

It warms my heart every time Asher
rips photos off of our fridge and
shows them to people saying,
“this is my brother/sister!”

And it amuses me to no end that
Cora has informed every cashier
in the Midlothian area that
we are buying things for her
sister who lives in Africa.

Careless in the Care of God

I read a statistic recently that has been lingering with me:

• 33% of Americans consider adoption.
• 79% of those are concerned about the costs, the biggest deterrent.
• Less than 2% adopt. (From ABBA Fund website)

How sad! I completely understand that adoption isn’t a choice for every family. (Seriously, some days I wonder what in the world we’re doing shaking up our nice, comfortable life.) But it’s disheartening to know that of those who DO have the desire and passion for adoption, only a small percentage follow through.  

So I just want to put this post out there as a spark of encouragement for any of you who have thought about it and been deterred by the expenses… Yes, it IS expensive. You’ll have sticker shock. You’ll get angry when you think about the principle behind the money (i.e., paying for the privilege of making a lifelong commitment to a likely traumatized child…). The unexpected WILL happen and WILL come with a premium… but it IS doable and SO worth it!!

We started this adoption journey during the time when I transitioned away from working outside out home: 

Financial Commitment to Adoption - one income = craziness??? :)

We felt sure that we were supposed to do both of these things… the combination didn’t make sense mathematically, but it made sense in our hearts. It aligned with the vision we have for our family and lifestyle. Most importantly, it was what God undeniably laid on our hearts… and He has been so faithful to us as we have followed Him!

Since the beginning, God has provided for us in ways we would not have expected. I had kind of forgotten how encouraged we felt until I went back and re-read my previous post about it. J

We’ve fundraised… and been overwhelmed by your support.

We’ve applied for grants… and been grateful recipients.

We’ve sold possessions... and haven’t missed a single one of them.

We’ve made lifestyle changes… cut out cable, limited vacations, hung onto older model cars, stopped our lawn service, started buying second hand, etc… and none of these things seem important now that they’re off our radar.

But more than all of that, we are living under God’s blessing. One of the areas we did NOT cut was our tithe and charitable giving… and there’s no way to measure how God blesses that. It comes to us in ways that seem like happenstance or “lucky”, but to add up the sheer volume of these “coincidences” attests to it NOT being a fluke. And almost always, the financial blessing is correlated to a need that we have.

Latest example: This week we will be paying $1200 to cover our kids’ living expenses for the next 6 months in Africa. (Yes, you read that right. It is only $100/month to shelter, feed, clothe and education one child. $100. I can think of a long list of things I’ve spent $100 on that are nowhere near as significant.) Yesterday we received a refund on our mortgage and a note that our monthly payment is decreasing. The EXACT amount of the change? $1200. Perfect!

The school our kids will be attending...

  

Of all of our concerns and anticipated challenges related to this adoption, the financial worries are lowest on our list. The money works itself out every time… but what is more significant to us than the actual dollar amounts is the timing and manner in which our provision comes. God is showing us again and again how much we matter to Him... and we can rest careless in His care...

 “You can’t worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you’ll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can’t worship God and Money both. If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.” Matthew 6:24-26

Blessed Beyond Words

Although we've been waiting for years, it feels as if the real journey has just begun! I spent last week in Africa, on my first official adoption trip. It was my opportunity to meet our children and initiate the paperwork process for the adoption. It feels so real now!

I've been putting off blogging about it because I'm just without words... I've been letting things simmer as I process my thoughts and experiences... Days later I STILL feel at a loss for adequate words. It was just such a deep and meaningful experience. I came home each night to my hotel room and just sobbed to release the overwhelming, conflicting emotions of joy, gratitude and heartbreak.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory... throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Ephesians 3:20-21 (NIV)

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! Ephesians 3:20 (Message)

So while I'm still fumbling for words, I want to just share that God exceeded all expectations I had for this trip. I had asked a group of friends to pray for three specific desires that were on my heart as I prepared for the journey... 

The first was for safe and healthy travels... 
I stayed healthy through the entire trip. Not a single problem, which is pretty amazing considering the whirlwind travel schedule, exotic food, potential for disease, etc. I haven't even had a hint of jet lag! Throughout the week our group did encounter stressful experiences, one in particular was downright frightening, but I felt so calm and confident in God the entire time. Such a peace. It was amazing... (Side note: On my initial flight I was seated next to an aid worker with personal international adoption experience. What are the chances? Chatting with her was so informative, reassuring and encouraging. Thank you, God!)

The second prayer request was to have a supernatural connection with these kids... 
Here's where I start tearing up and grasping for words... I went into this introduction knowing little and scared to expect too much. Do they speak English? Has someone prepared them to meet me? Do they understand? Will they come to me? Will they let me touch them?

Our little girl walked into the room looking so scared... but she came straight to me. She let me hold her hands. She sat on my lap, slowly released her tension and just sunk back into me... No words! Then our boy walked into the room, called out "mama" and walked right into my arms. Seriously, NO WORDS!

I had hoped I would feel connected to them by the end of the trip... I had no idea that connection could be so immediate. Even more exciting was their connection to Asher and Cora. They couldn't stop looking at their photos. They asked about "brother" and "sister" over and over again. So sweet! 

We played, sang songs, teased, ate, colored, held hands, cuddled. I became acquainted with their sweet little personalities. It was truly awesome. (And leaving them was truly painful, but I won't dwell there.) 

The last prayer request was for the opportunity to shine light into the lives of birth families... 
While I was experiencing joy to meet the kids, I was fully aware that on the other side are families who have experienced hurt, loss and despair in ways I can't relate to. I wanted to be respectful to them and bring light to them... I ended up having the gift of three full days with them. I sat with them for hours each day... Communication was limited due to language, but just being in one another's presence for solid time felt so meaningful. I met aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. I spoke with them, hugged them, photographed them. The family history I was able to gather and the pictures that our kids will now have are priceless. PRICELESS.

In addition to their current caregivers, I was able to meet the team of people who will be caring for them and educating them over the upcoming months. I was blown away. Their love of Jesus and dedication to children is inspirational. My kids are going to be so blessed by them! 

   

Being Known

Yep, that was me crying in Target yesterday… 

The day started off at a refreshing coffee date with my dear girl-friends who are also walking adoption journeys… They were letting me share all of the details about our referral and upcoming trip… while also sympathizing with paperwork, deadlines, travel details, etc. I was proud of myself for feeling all calm, cool and collect. I’ve been keeping my expectations in check, trusting the process, just moving forward with faith…

And then I casually swung by the store to grab some clothes for the new kids… What styles are appropriate for their current culture? What size should I get? Would he prefer athletic clothes like Asher? Would a t-shirt with a tag irritate his neck? Will she look beautiful in purple? Why can’t I find a top with a character who is not white? Could she grow into this dress or would she rather have something that fits perfectly?

And then I turned into a blubbering mess…. Not out of unhappiness. I am so happy and joyful! (Which I had to explain to Chad because he still associates crying with sadness after 10+ years of marriage. Maybe after 10 more he'll understand that there are so many other emotions that lead to crying! J) 

I’m just ready to KNOW them… all of their unique characteristics and quirks. Their history. Their challenges. I'm preparing a list of questions with the mission of asking everyone I meet what they remember... because I want to piece together as much of the puzzle as possible for these kids. I want to have answers when they have questions. 

Even more so, I want them to feel known and loved… they may not be getting that right now from their caregivers, but I believe God’s whispering to them in His own way… and we’ll get to speak it to them soon!

Positivity

Guarded optimism… That’s how I would describe where we are on the journey as of now…

We have (another) referral!! YEAH!! A little boy and girl were seeded in our hearts last week.

So here’s the thing… one of the first steps along the path of adoption is a home study. Part of that process is setting parameters for your adoption. It may be ages, genders, special needs, specific risk factors, etc. We were particularly concerned about age - and committed to not adopting a child who was older than Asher (he was five at the time). We didn’t want to shake up the birth order of our biological children – and Asher’s role as the “oldest” is important to him. We also had no idea what to expect with a child older than 5 – we hadn’t yet walked that path! 

So our home study reads "under 5" and I’ve been planning for that age range for the last two years… playing through all of the potential joys, challenges, scenarios of adopting a pre-school aged child... and more recently I started travelling down the path of envisioning adopted boys with the last referral... 

The thing with being given a choice is, I thought I actually had a choice. I thought it was my decision. I thought I had a level of control to keep things inside my comfort zone… and yet again, and again, I am reminded that this process is bigger than us and totally out of our control!  More important to us than these plans, is staying faithful to God and where HE leads us, even if it’s not what we envisioned…

I say all of this because God is most definitely leading us to a place outside of our comfort zone… while also keeping us just inside of the boundary that would push me to complete madness!

The boy who was referred to us is about to turn 7. Seven! Not what we planned for… but exactly a month younger than Asher… The little girl referred to us was originally said to be about 1. I was stressing about adopting a 1 year old and a 7 year old together – that just seemed like we’d be pulled in two totally different directions with the needs they would each have… and then we got a call that she is actually 5. Five! She’s just a bit older than Cora.

God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. Job 37:5

So if this all goes to plan, we’ll have two new kids sandwiched between our current kids… and they’ll each have a playmate for life! We are so excited!! J

So with this comes a few prayer requests…

(1)  I am scheduled to travel soon. PRAY that this trip happens, and happens safely!

(2)  While in Africa, I’ll meet the kids and their current caregivers… pray that we find a way to connect and bond! Pray that I can be a light to not only these kids, but also whoever is currently caring for them.

(3)  I really am freaking out about the kids’ ages. We have been open in so many other areas as to who we could adopt, but age was the one thing we put real constraints around… I always envisioned having time to bond, attach, develop BEFORE school. And these kids will be coming to us already at school age… I am now launching myself into reading and studying how to best help them transition… Pray for my peace of mind so I don’t become overwhelmed!!! (Side note: No more strollers and potty training. Woo hoo!!!)