Tidbits of Good News

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.  Proverbs 13:12


Good news #1:

All of the negativity from the article I previously mentioned has settled down. The article was apparently out of context. According to our agency, Ethiopia is NOT closing international adoption. There was a meeting about human rights where adoption came up and the officials discussed changing some rules that could potentially slow the approval process… but they are NOT closing. YEAH!

(A lesson could be learned here in not paying attention to negative facebook chatter until all facts are confirmed. It was a rough couple of days for me. Stuff like this will likely come up frequently. For my own sanity (and Chad’s), I may need to boycott social media and the internet during those times!)

 

Good news #2:

I am LOVING our adoption agency. It took quite awhile for us to settle on the right agency for us… and we initially chose a different agency that we left after some questionable things came up. So it is a relief to trust them and know that they are proactively working for their families in a transparent way. They were online over a holiday weekend answering questions from families freaking out about the potential for adoption to close. And when they ran out of answers, they admitted they knew no more at the moment and posted this:

 

 

Good news #3:

We received our letter from USCIS approving moving forward under the new PAIR process. Like the acronyms?! This basically means the Customs/Immigration department has agreed that we are reliable to care for an orphan.

This letter from USCIS was the LAST document needed to complete our dossier. Yeah! If your mind works like mine, you will assume that means the dossier can now be sent to Ethiopia. However, that is not the case. It needs to be authenticated. Not once. Not twice. Three times. Yes, our dossier complete with notarized documents will now be authenticated. That authentication will be authenticated. And then the authentication of the authentication will be authenticated. No idea how long this will take… So we wait…

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Romans 12:12

 

 

Not for the Faint-of-Heart

When we first started looking into international adoption, we reached out to adoptive families for their words of wisdom. The vast majority of comments were things like:

• “It’s completely unpredictable.”
• “Nothing will go as planned.”
• “It’s going to teach you more than you ever wanted to know about trusting God’s purpose and timing.”
• “It’s not for the faint-of-heart!”

I don’t consider myself to be faint-hearted… but there are days of weakness!

An article was just published in an Ethiopian news source speaking against international adoption. My quick synopsis of the article’s theme: Ethiopian children are better served in an orphanage in their home country, than a family elsewhere.  

Is this a “real” news source? Could their government potentially act on this? Could adoption be shut down? I don’t know… I do know that it makes my heart heavy.

Yes, ideally children will not break ties with their birth heritage. They will not have to grieve a loss and be moved to a new place with new people. Long term, a country that could support it’s own orphaned children would be marvelous. I would love to be a small part in helping to make that happen. I would celebrate for the mothers and children in Ethiopia. But in the present, there are kids in orphanages with little hope for a healthy future. Wouldn’t they be better served by a committed family?

My calm, collect and oh-so-wise husband is quick to point out that it’s merely one article. As he says, it wouldn't make sense for someone in Africa to read one Newsweek article and jump to a bunch of conclusions about potential changes to policies in the United States.

So although it's been weighing on my mind, I am trying not to overanalyze future implications of this article. I have no way of knowing the possible impact on us, for families further along in the process than us, or for the orphaned children. I know that this is just one blip of what will likely be a roller coaster ride with many high points and low points.

One of the main reasons that we started this blog was to share about the journey in a transparent way… not just the cute happy pictures. We can’t ask for your support if we don’t honestly share how you can support us. So we ask that you please pray for us to not carry these anxious questions and burdens, but to turn them over to our powerful God. Pray for us to love Him and trust Him no matter which ways this ride turns before its completion. And pray for those sweet children who are living in an orphanage without their parents, entertaining a million of their own questions. 

Princess Tiana

For those of you who saw me when I was all distraught over Tiana, know that all’s well that ends well. Cora asked Santa for the Tiana doll. Santa complied. We had one happy little girl on Christmas morning.

 

For everyone else, rewind to 3 months ago. Chad and I were meeting with our social worker for the first time during the home study process. We spent a chunk of that meeting discussing how to prepare for becoming a multi-racial family. At this time Cora was just entering the Disney Princess phase. Perfect. I would take her on a special trip to the store to get Tiana. We’d have a black doll in the mix and that would be a first step in introducing a global perspective to Cora.

Minutes after the social worker leaves, we hop into the car. I’m way excited to take Cora to the store to get Tiana. (Yes, I now have the hindsight to know that my excitement was really about the positive meeting with the social worker and having tangible next steps. The excitement was not really about the doll. Unfortunately, at the time, I did not yet have that perspective.)

So, we take her to the store, building up the idea of buying a new doll. We walk down the Disney aisle and I start gushing about Tiana. She is such a beautiful princess. Look at her pretty brown hair. She seems like a kind friend. Let’s take her home. She can be part of our family. Etc.

Cora’s reply was a flat out “no.” Instead, she pointed to Cinderella. She gushed right back at me in 2 year old talk. She so pretty. I like blue dress. She nice. I want her.

Not quite what I had planned... I freaked out a bit. I felt deflated that Cora was rejecting the black baby doll… of course that meant she would have no interest in our future family members. Or not. Chad talked me down from my emotional cliff, reminding me that Cora was just choosing the doll that most resembles her own appearance. It’s common toddler behavior. Go figure.

Some time after that day, Cora took a liking to Tiana and decided she did in fact want her to be part of our family. Hence the request to Santa, long awaited Christmas morning, and now smiling Cora. Whew.

 

International Adoption... "Uh, isn't that expensive?"

So, I’ve been debating writing about this… discussing personal finances isn’t high on my list of appropriate blog topics. But, God is teaching us so much about His provision that I feel like we need to share!

International adoption is EXPENSIVE. And let me be clear, we are NOT buying the kids. These children, who we do not yet even know, are priceless in our eyes. That being said, there are MANY fees associated with adoption... Fees for home studies, background checks, medical testing, adoption agencies, lawyers, translators, visas, travel, etc. When I see a total number around $35-40,000, I freak out… but then I see the breakdown of each component and it starts to seem not so absurd. It’s frustrating and unfortunate, because in an ideal world it would not cost to provide a child with a family… but the deeper you get into the process, the more all of the expenses make some sense.

Yes, there are grants, loans, tax refunds, etc. out there. However, most of these programs have the requirement that your home study is complete BEFORE you can even start their application process. So you’ve got to start dishing out to get the ball rolling, not knowing what assistance may be available to you. 

We knew the cost and therefore were not planning on adopting in the near future. We had even looked into foster care as a “cheaper” alternative, but in the end we continued to feel led towards and passionate about Ethiopia. The goal was to save lots of money before starting the adoption process. But then earlier this year God clearly started telling me to leave my job… and I’ve got to say, that was confusing because our second income was supposed to provide the money to be saved for what we felt God was calling us to do! We ho-hummed about this for months… (Actually, I should clarify that I ho-hummed. Chad was supportive from the beginning. He has a theory that money should not be the deciding factor on important "big picture" things. He is not a slave to money. He is wise. Love him!) I FINALLY took the leap of faith and I resigned in March. Money was going to be tight and that was without even trying to save for adoption.

Literally, within days, three things happened:

1. We got a call that a small settlement was owed to us. We knew nothing about this money… it was from an occurrence 5 years ago… and the woman who contacted us specifically said, “I’ve been trying to track you all down for quite awhile to inform you of this check.
2. Chad received an additional benefit at work that significantly impacted our monthly expenses. When he received the information on this benefit, the company representative said, “I’ve been carrying this around for weeks and kept forgetting to give it to you.
3. We had been appealing charges regarding medical claims for Cora. We had been waiting to hear back for quite awhile from the insurance company. They called to say it had just been reconciled and we did not owe anything. 

Crazy, right? All of a sudden, things weren’t quite as tight. But more than that, we felt a renewal of faith and encouragement that we were on the right path. It felt like God was saying, “I’ve had this covered since the moment I impressed upon you to leave your job.” If I had taken a leap of faith sooner, I believe God would have shown his provision sooner.

When I think about these first few days, scripture floods my mind…

"What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself." Luke 12:29-32 (Message)

Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life. 1 Timothy 6:17-19 (NLT)

A few months later, we felt strongly that we were supposed shorten our mortgage term to ensure we’d be completely debt-free sooner versus later. It didn’t really make sense to increase a monthly expense when we have just subtracted an income. Our equation of income versus expenses seemed like it could potentially be unbalanced, but after the way God provided for us earlier, we couldn’t deny Him another time. We did it and have been blessed by that decision.

Here we are today, about 30% into the fees and no longer hung up on the daunting expenses. To date, each time a fee has been due, we have received the funds around the same time in the form of a refund, bonus, consulting gig, etc. It’s been amazing. And now that our home study is complete, we can start applying for grants and raising support. What was once the biggest hurdle to adopting is no longer feeling insurmountable. Very exciting!


“You can’t worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you’ll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can’t worship God and Money both... If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don’t fuss about what’s on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds... Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6:24-34 (Message)

Parental Requirements

We were in Norfolk this morning for a biometrics screening (i.e., fingerprinting. Doesn’t their use of the term “biometrics” sound much more sophisticated??). It’s one of the steps in our adoptive “second trimester”. We are requesting approval from the United States Customs and Immigration department.

While we were driving home, I made a mental table (yes, I am a bit geeky and think of things in terms of graphs and tables) comparing some of the requirements for becoming a parent via adoption versus biologically. I got a little laugh out of this…

REQUIRED to be a…	Birth Mother	Adoptive Mother
Parenting Education	1 hour (prior to leaving hospital)	10 hrs international credits 40 hrs local training
Criminal Background Checks	No	Yes (Local, State, Federal)
Child Protective Services Background Check	No	Yes
Financial Review	No	Yes
Tax Returns	No	Yes
Health Review/Testing	Sometimes	Yes
Employment Verification	No	Yes
Life Insurance Verification	No	Yes
Health Insurance Verification	No	Yes
Personal References	No	Yes
Home Study and Interviews	No	Yes
First Aid Kit and Fire Extinguisher	No	Yes
Emergency preparedness and evacuation plan	No	Yes

Interesting, huh? Many commentaries could be made from this... I'll just say that if you are looking for someone to fill a role in your home/family (babysitter, mentor, coach, etc.) you should look for an adoptive parent. They have been through their share of the above reviews and are likely pretty trustworthy!!

P.S. I didn’t have a state approved first aid kit for Asher or Cora… and so far they are turning out A-OK! J

The What-Ifs...?

I’m finding myself thinking about Joseph (of Mary and Joseph fame) this Christmas season. I’ve got to admit – I’ve never really given him much thought other than knowing he was a carpenter. But, for all intents and purposes, he was Jesus’ adopted father. And that’s got me thinking…

I read adoption books, blogs and articles daily. I’m having flash backs to when I was pregnant and read (and re-read) “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”. There’s so much to learn… but then I remember that when the kiddos actually come along, you usually ditch everything you read and rely solely on mommy-instincts.
 

Adoption is difficult. It’s not the ideal. The ideal is that a child is cared for, loved by and provided for by his or her own birth family… In the womb, a baby is connected to and bonding with his mother. Even if he is adopted on day one of his little life, he is going to experience sorrow from losing that connection.

So the questions and anxieties surface… Will our adopted children “attach” to us? Will they be able to recognize and mourn their loss? Will they accept me as “mom”? After spending my life raising them, will they choose to stay connected to our family or will they feel a greater connection with someone else (from their culture, country, etc.)?  

And then I remember that it doesn’t matter. I feel passionate that this is our calling. We would forever regret allowing fear to hold us back from this adoption. We'll move forward regardless of the questions and “what ifs”.

Did Joseph have questions similar to mine? Probably… Would Jesus mourn his separation from his true father (God)? Would Jesus accept him as “dad”?  Would Jesus grow up and one day leave him?

 

But regardless of the what-ifs, Joseph chose to obey the Angel of the Lord's command. He took Mary as his wife, thereby taking Jesus as his adopted son. He cared for Jesus no differently than he would have cared for a biological son… and he taught Jesus of his spiritual heritage.

I’m making the same commitment to raising children with a knowledge and understanding of their biological and spiritual heritage. What they are called to or where they choose to go as adults will be out of my hands… But I trust the Lord’s hands more than my own!

 

Matthew 1:18-21 - This is how Jesus the Messiah was born. His mother, Mary, was engaged to be married to Joseph. But before the marriage took place, while she was still a virgin, she became pregnant through the power of the Holy Spirit. Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. As he considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream. “Joseph, son of David,” the angel said, “do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife. For the child within her was conceived by the Holy Spirit. And she will have a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.”

Luke 2: 39-40 - When Jesus’ parents had fulfilled all the requirements of the law of the Lord, they returned home to Nazareth in Galilee. There the child grew up healthy and strong. He was filled with wisdom, and God’s favor was on him.

 

A Not-so-Secret Secret

So, I should probably put this out there sooner than later – Asher and Cora do NOT yet know that we are adopting. Please don’t be the first to tell them. ;)

We’ll likely sit them down after we receive a referral with information on our specific kids. Until that point, there are just too many unknowns. Without having even a slight clue about ages, genders and timeframes, they would have more questions than we have answers…

That’s not to say that we aren’t trying to prepare them. Words like “orphan”, “adoption”, “culture”, etc. are commonplace in our house right now. I’m checking out library books with pictures of kids from other countries. I drop in comments here and there about people in need. I remind them that my old job was at a place that helped kids. If I thought they’d be adventurous at the dinner table, I’d even make some Ethiopian food. (But seeing as how they're turning down even grilled cheese these days, I’m thinking injera is a stretch...)

I jump on any chance to slip it into our day-to-day chats. Seriously, its like I’m constantly looking for an opportunity to pounce! The other day, Asher was asking questions about “Aunt Sally.” She is a dear friend who is not related to us. He wanted to know why we call her “Aunt”… and thus began what I considered an awesome parenting moment about “love” being an action verb… We can choose to love someone and bring them into our family, just like God loves us and adopts us into His family… and then Asher was on to something else. To be honest, I don’t even know if he heard a word that I said. But I’m trusting that those fleeting moments of depth will be a foundation for what’s to come.
 

We're so glad you are part of our family,
Aunt Sally & Uncle Sean!!

 

Six years ago I was back in Cincinnati reuniting with old friends at a baby shower for Asher… These ladies spent time praying for Asher… and specifically asked the Lord to prepare his heart to share his parents in a future adoption. What foresight they had to pray for his sweet spirit while he was still being formed. I love them. And I love the Lord for continuing to answer that prayer. 

Both Asher and Cora have a natural tendency to share. They will have their own challenges and adjustments as our family changes, but I am focusing on and encouraging the parts of their personalities that will flourish with the adoption. Asher is such a helper. He doesn’t hesitate to give, even if it’s a sacrifice to him. And Cora is so relational. She wants to know who is connected to who. Once she has a name and a label (brother, sister) for the new kids, she will be attached.

I so enjoyed this recent conversation that I overheard between the kids. A few days prior, a man had stopped me at Asher’s school and asked if he could bless the kids by giving them each a $2 bill. Apparently, this gentleman considers it his ministry to encourage kids that are behaving well (and thankfully, mine were that afternoon!). They were obviously thrilled. Fast forward to Sunday morning while we were getting ready for church. Asher grabbed his $2 bill and put it in his pocket for the offering. (See what I mean? That boy will give ALL he has!) Then it went like this:

• Asher: "Cora, are you going to give your $2 to church or hold onto it for no good reason? What is the right thing?"
• Cora: "I do right thing!"
• Asher: "Then we give it to the orphans."

Ahhh… Love them. So proud.

  

 

 

 

Adding Color...

You all are so encouraging – thank you so much!

When we share that we are adopting, the first question is always, “from where?”

I've had many conversations over the years about where there is the greatest need for adoption… I have no doubt that the answer to that question can be debated and varies for each family. There are kids in every town, state, country and continent who are in need. However, we decided to focus on Africa for a few reasons…

First and foremost, I am meant to have a multi-cultural family. Silly, I know. Probably not politically correct to say… but I have always wanted black children. Put me in a room with a bunch of kids, and I will end up holding the child who is black. We are drawn to one another! I fully believe it's part of that early seed God planted in my mind regarding adoption. When Chad and I were dating, this came up in conversation and his reply was simply, “You do realize I am white, right?” J

Chad and I have both been on mission trips to third world countries and been significantly impacted by the level of poverty… We spent time together in Nigeria on a mission trip in 2006 working with Engineering Ministries International to develop plans for a new hospital that would focus on AIDS and also pre-natal education to women. We so enjoyed the people and culture… and were exposed to areas that were more remote than anything we had imagined. One specific “village” stands out in my mind. After driving hours on a dirt road, passing nothing but jungle, we passed a hut IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. There was a man on the front porch and naked children running around… and I wondered, and continue to wonder, what happens to those kids if that adult dies? Where do they even go for help??

 

 

When we returned from that trip, we sent a letter out to friends and family summarizing our experience. Here’s a little blurb:

“The huge change that we have experienced from this trip is letting go of the guilt we have both felt over being Americans and living in the top 3% of the world's wealth. We've learned and talked much more about why Americans are so blessed and why other countries are stuggling. There are so many factors that impact a nation's standard of living. It's not so clearly black and white.

We understand now that it was God's intent that we were born and raised in America and well educated. With that background comes a higher level of responsibility and conviction to serve and give, but not guilt. That's freeing!”

Fortunately, Nigeria does not have a high population of orphans due to the strong culture of family. A relative will nearly always take an orphaned child. So, we looked to other African countries and learned that the families in Ethiopia do not necessarily have that “luxury.” When a parent dies, there is often no one who has the health and resources to care for another child. 

I can’t escape the thought of a child not even having access to water or medical care – and that is the harsh reality in the rural areas of Africa. Ethiopia, specifically, has had a history or famine, drought, civil war and disease. (Interestingly, it’s the only African country that was not colonized by another nation (France, England, etc.). So, it has been able to preserve it’s own culture from the beginning of time… with that comes 90+ different languages and it’s own challenges of uniting and progressing forward.)

So, we’re adopting from Ethiopia!

Their adoption process has slowed down significantly in recent years. Unfortunately, like with everything else in our fallen world, there are unethical practices in the world of orphancare and adoption… and in order to take more time addressing each child and potential family, Ethiopia now limits the number of adoptions processed each month. Obviously, I understand the importance of this change, but it’s extremely frustrating knowing our children could already be orphaned and just waiting their turn in line before they have a “forever family”…

 

The standard perception is that international adoption is an expensive and long process. Very true. Very frustrating. But as we get further into the process, we better understand the why's and how's of the fees and time frames. More on that another time... 

If you have a minute, check out this video. It’s not our video or story, so I can’t vouch for all of the statistics, but it sums up where my heart is…

 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSaHNzWTLmA

Growth... in Family and Faith

We hope you are all well! We so appreciate the role that you play in our lives and are hoping that this blog is a way to stay connected in thought and prayer, if not consistently in person… As you know, we have officially started the LONG process of adopting internationally. We are extremely excited and feel blessed to be able to share this journey with you!

Adoption has been in our hearts for years - we continually feel a tug every time we learn of children in need. We feel so blessed that God continually provides for us spiritually, emotionally, financially and relationally. We have SO much to be grateful for… and knowing that there are children without family, shelter, food, water, education, etc. overwhelms me. I want to share our family and all that we have with another child who hasn’t yet had the opportunity to experience a “forever family.”

I drew upon Ephesians 2:10 as a motivation when I created Work of Art. The verse brought me the name for the studio and also continually reminded me that God purposed that commission in my life. I am now reclaiming that verse for our current calling, because I know without a doubt that this “good thing” was planned for us long ago.  I cannot remember a time when adoption was not on my mind... maybe it started with the whole “We are the World” phase… or those Christian Children’s Fund commercials we all saw… Regardless, I truly believe it is a seed the Lord planted in my heart that has grown stronger over the years.

For we are God’s works of art. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

While adoption has been on my mind, I knew that it was previously not the right time. However, that changed when I left my job in June. Leading up to that point, Chad and I had been feeling like I was supposed to leave my job… but we procrastinated. Eliminating an income didn’t seem like a wise choice (can you tell I spend my days with a toddler? The phrase “wise choice” is one I draw upon frequently!). It wouldn’t allow us to save money for potentially adopting in the future… But after months of God’s prompting, we obeyed. I left my position with the intent to spend the summer with Asher and Cora, and probably return to work in the fall. However, while spending the summer 100% focused on our family, Chad & I came to the realization that THIS is the time for us to be initiating the adoption process. It doesn’t seem logical financially, but we trust God to work out that side of it. (More on that later – again, we are so blessed!)

So here we go!

International adoption is a crazy process with many risks, unknowns and changes. Everyone has a different story with a few twists and turns thrown in. We are about 4 months into the process... with absolutely no idea of a timeframe for completion. The latest timeframe that we were given was 2 weeks – 3 years. That’s easy to plan around, right?! Being that I am a process-focused, time-oriented person, I have asked the Lord to just lift any notion of time from my mind. It’s in His hands and there’s no need for me to worry about it. So don’t ask me about timeframes!

I’ve started breaking the process down into trimesters to help relate it to stages that are familiar in some way to most of us.

First Trimester – Homestudy!

We read and researched for months leading up to this point, but at this stage it felt official.  We had “conceived” an addition to our family – even though not a thing is known about the child yet. Getting together the paperwork was seriously a full time job for the month of August. Once we submitted our home study paperwork, we were interviewed, educated, observed, tested, fingerprinted, prodded, etc. for weeks. But this “trimester” has officially come to an end. We have a signed home study report supporting our decision to adopt 2 children. (Yes, we have requested a sibling set. Craziness!)

Second Trimester – USCIS Approval!

We’re in the middle of our second trimester now. The excitement of the “first trimester” has worn off and the prospect of the “third trimester” seems far off. We were approved on a “micro” level with the homestudy. But the next step is to request approval from Customers & Immigration (under the whole Homeland Security umbrella) to gain permission to bring a child into the United States. The paperwork has been submitted and now we wait… and daily ponder why the government agencies value slow processes and snail mail.

Third Trimester – Dossier!

Once we have the USCIS approval, we will send a dossier to Ethiopia. (Our adoption agency is already working on translating our dossier so that it can be submitted.) The Ethiopian government will review our information (on their own timeframe) and match us with children in one of their orphanages. Again, I’m making NO guesses on when this could possibly be. Then we will receive a “referral” and if we accept, things will start moving. Not quickly, but moving… and in the end, we’ll make 2 trips to Africa, bringing home our children on the second trip.

Whew. So that’s an overview of where we are… I could write about it for days. I have learned SO much over the last year about adoption and orphan care. It is becoming a passion point for me. But above all other lessons, I am re-learning to step out on faith and trust the Lord with where he leads me… it’s an exciting time!