Clinging

Thank you to everyone who has been sharing hopes of our family being together for Christmas. Unfortunately, this is not going to be the year that we're united for the holidays. We're disappointed by the circumstances, but continue to feel encouraged through faith and supportive friends and family! 

The message that God has been whispering to me over and over again throughout this entire adoption process is “Do you trust me?” It’s crazy how many different ways that one thought can manifest itself…

"Do you trust me?"

Because I, God, am in control – not the agencies, attorneys, government officials, judges, etc.

"Do you trust me?"

Because you could just be still and know that it’s ME fighting these battles for you.

"Do you trust me?"

Because if you allow yourself to, you will experience peace within these unknowns.

"Do you trust me?"

Because if so, you’ll realize these children are MINE and I love them and care for them even more than you do.

And here’s where I was called out today:

"Do you trust ME?"

Because you’re holding onto every single detail so tightly that I’m getting the impression you don’t!!!

So I’m asking myself: Am I using this process as a walk of faith… as opportunity to draw closer to God? Or am I walking through as if it's a plan that I, myself, need to carry out? If I cling to details and try to stake claim on things (this is my family, my process, my kids) then I’m acting like this is all within my control - like my plan supersedes God's. Not so!

Experience a season of BELIEVING with us!
Merry Christmas!

And as Christmas is approaching, I’m thinking about the people 2,000 years ago who likely also made the mistake of clinging to the details… The people who clung to their own notions of what their king would be… Years after Jesus' birth they may have looked back, heard the story of how God used a baby to redeem the world, and THEN believed… But they missed out on the opportunity to believe in the present... and actually experience the story as it unfolded... and witness God in action. 

I don’t want to make that mistake in my present! Are you with me?! :) Merry Christmas! 

"Rejoice, O people! Shout in triumph, O people!Look, your king is coming to you. He is righteous and victorious, yet he is humble, riding on a donkey—riding on a donkey’s colt." Zechariah 9:9

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government and its peace will never end. He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity. Isaiah 9:6-7

Take Heart!

The closer we get to bringing these kids into our home, the higher my emotions run. One LITTLE bit of negative or positive news sends BIG waves of feelings!

For the negative news...  I've been frustrated with myself and how quickly I become disheartened! Two months ago, I was in Africa, experiencing active, tangible faith. I could feel God's presence and was praying with confidence. And now, here I am, feeling distraught over new hurdles - hurdles that are so small in comparison to His ability. Proof that emotions are fickle.

In this hard place, I've been reminded that we're actually guaranteed things WILL go wrong in this world. It seems prideful to assume otherwise. We can follow God's lead... We can make decisions that seem "right" in light of his teachings... We can pray whole heartedly for something, but that doesn't mean we're entitled to it happening as we want or expect. Our obedience to the Lord doesn't equal "success" - especially in the ways we may define success. God's thoughts and ways are so much higher than our own.        

And for the positive news...
We get news of little victories that show God moving in explicable ways and at unexpected times. It's exciting and encouraging and so invigorating!

One of the recent positives was being awarded an adoption scholarship from Liberty Heights Church in Cincinnati. We are so grateful for their support! I want to share this video with you as a recognition of National Adoption Month. The community of people who fight for orphans and support adoption is a supportive group! Keep that in mind if you feel God nudging you in this direction... He has the ability to meet all of your needs... and will often do so using other people! 

Scholarship Video

So as we've experienced ups and downs in another period of waiting, I am so grateful to find peace and rest in the Lord - because unlike me, He is not driven by the instability of emotion. I will trust Him through the entire journey!

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 

"And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossions 3:15

"Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!" Isaiah 30:18

Hopes & Dreams

I spend so much time thinking about our "new" kiddos! Our recent time with them allowed us to glimpse more of their personalities. So now my daydreams are more specific than before. God created them - every detail - and I just want to know more and more of them! It's going to take time... And the truth is, there's so much more for them to learn about themselves.

I keep thinking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. If you ever took a Psych 101 class, you know what I'm talking about. It's the concept that we all have many needs, but the base needs are survival driven. Those needs must be met before we move on to understanding the others... 

Our kids are at the base. Over their little lifetimes, biological needs haven't consistently been met so a good portion of their brain is just always consumed with the basics: food and water. It's truly a survival mode. They can't really focus on much else or see beyond their present environment... They intellectually know about some of the other needs, like safety and belonging, but they haven't experienced much of that security. They just can't comprehend it yet.

So questions that we're generally used to asking as we get to know little ones aren't really effective in this situation. Simple "what is your favorite color" or "what do you like to do" can stump them...

When we asked our daughter about her favorite foods, she seemed confused. Then she listed things... When we met those exact requests, we realized she didn't like those foods and obviously hadn't tried them before. She had just answered with the foods she had heard other people talk about!

And when we ask our son what he likes to play, he'll tell you that riding a bike is his favorite thing. And then if you ask more about it, you learn he's never owned a bike, ridden a bike, or even seen a bike up close... it's the idea of a bike! He may or may not like it when he finally gets to ride one, but pretty soon he'll be able to try it and make up his own mind. (I have a feeling Santa has this in the works! ;))

So you can only imagine how a question like "what do you want to be when you grow up" would blow their minds! We can't wait to see what dreams God lays in their sweet hearts... and how precious the day is when they realize the possibilities are endless!

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

The Others

When we were with our son, he used the phrase "the others" over and over again... 

Thank you, mama, for dinner. Did you send dinner for "the others"? 

Can we take this snack to "the others"?

Can these extra books be for "the others"?

He went out of his way to share with everyone he saw. Kids on the street, tourists staying in our hotel, employees at stores... In his mind, anyone and everyone was one of "the others" in need. Every meal we ate, he would try to take water and leftovers out to the security guards at our hotel. They tried to turn him down, but he was persistent! :) He has no perspective on there being people NOT in need. 

Our hearts are now split... and we realize they will always be stretched across continents. Our family is intertwined with another culture and history. With this in mind, the day that we bring the kids into the States will not end our involvement in their home country. We intend to stay connected, involved and be part of impacting lives beyond the two that we now hold dear! We want them to know we are still working to help "the others."

Ready to start the school day!

We will have one final trip related to the adoption. God willing, it will be in the next couple of months. When we go back, we would love to bless "the others" in a few different ways... Can you help?!

(1) Backpacks
Transportation is difficult there - the average person does not have access to a car, motorcycle or even a bike. Walking is the primary way to get around... so you can imagine how helpful backpacks are for both kids and adults! Everyone needs them - to carry their belongings while they're on the go. If you want to make a donation that is truly useful - this is it. Please send us gently used or new backpacks (they're on clearance this time of year!). We're hoping to fill at least one suitcase to take!

(2) Applesauce
The kids at the orphanage LOVED the squeezy applesauces! A great healthy snack that is also hydrating! If you're like me, you probably have some to spare from your giant Costco-sized box! ;) Send them our way!

(3) Technology
A computer lab is in the works for the school our kids attend. This is beyond anything that the average school has, but the vision has been planted and God has been making it happen. Phones, tablets and laptops that we may consider "outdated" still have life left in them! They would be so appreciated by the teachers and students. If you have any devices you're about to part with, please let us know!


On a personal note, we are continuing to set aside funds for our final adoption fees and travel expenses. We have turned our attention away from proactively fundraising to focus our time on preparing for the upcoming transition... However, our Lifesong account is still open should you feel a desire to support our journey financially... Follow the prompts to donate to "Adoption" and an "Adoptive Family." Our family number is 04230. THANK YOU!
https://www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate/  

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the right of widows. Isaiah 1:17

Heartwarming and Heartbreaking

My head is still swirling and emotions still running high from the trip! 

We feel like when we are there, we're living in this paradox of experiencing things that are both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. There is such despair... and such goodness.

Here are two examples of what I mean... 

Heartbreaking to see the need... Heartwarming to see the response...

This is a pic of our kiddos reaching out of our taxi... We spent a fair amount of time in the car, driving between appointments. On this particular day, we had stopped at a grocery store and let the kids each pick out 3 items. They both chose a box of cookies, milk and a jar of peanut butter. About 5 minutes later, we were sitting in traffic at a corner where some children were working/selling items... Our son rolled down the window, called them over and shared his cookies with them. He told the kids to go find cups, which they did, and then he filled their cups with his milk. And then our daughter opened up her peanut butter and let them each reach in to grab a handful. (I buried my instinct to cringe at the germs exchanged!) 

They could relate to those unknown kids. They know what it's like to be hungry. They didn't hesitate for a second to share with someone else in need... and their generosity wasn't limited - they were willing to part with every single item we had just given them. It was precious.

Heartbreaking to see destitution and experience the retelling of losses endured... Heartwarming to see commitment to children's wellbeing...

Part of the delay and issue with our adoption has been that the country experienced unethical adoptions in the past. As a result, they did not conduct adoptions for a period of time and are now beginning again... and they're hesitant to trust outsiders. Every single person of authority that we've encountered wants to make sure that our children are in fact orphaned and there is no misunderstanding regarding what adoption means (not a short term or temporary arrangement)... So the caregivers and extended families of the children have been called to testify again and again to "be sure". 

Our kids are so blessed by these adults who care about them and their well being so incredibly much. These people have had to make long treks to the city at least 10 or more times now (partly due to lost paperwork. ugh!). This means day long trips, tedious travel, lost wages, etc. Then they have to stand before various officials (judges, attorneys, directors) and explain over and over again the losses they've endured and why they can no longer continue caring for these children. We have watched them be spoken to harshly - and I can only imagine the sadness, grief, humiliation and more they feel in these "interviews". Chad and I keep saying it would surely have been easier on them to just leave the children in the orphanage... but going through these steps is the only way that they can ensure the children are adopted and have a better future. My heart goes out to them! Please keep them in your prayers... 

Answers Part 2

In terms of the actual adoption process, we made significant progress over during the 2 weeks in country. We had some hurdles, but nothing insurmountable. It was generally a time of positive relationship building with key individuals. There are definitely stories to share of God's movement on our behalf!

Here’s another specific prayer request we've had over the last year... and the answer... 
 

• Signed Paperwork! You’ve all heard us talk about “the signature”. We waited months and months and months for the signature. We received feedback indicating the individual required to sign didn’t support adoption, refused to sign, was not open to discussing further, etc. There have been other difficulties, too, but the outstanding signature was the key issue lingering in the background. Even if a judge granted the adoption, we needed this sign-off as well.
  
  We visited this individual's office one of our first days in country – to just introduce ourselves and be available to talk if she was interested. We figured any preemptive relationship building would help. Afterall, we’d be coming to her for the final sign-off…
  We waited quite awhile in her building (waiting hours for people to address you is common there!)... Then we were escorted to her office, where we sat with the kids on our laps. She didn’t really speak directly with us - we just listened to her talk with a few colleagues - the conversation went in circles. We couldn’t understand it all, but we could discern that the tone was NOT positive… and then all of a sudden, she stopped, looked at us, and briefly said “I see the bond. These children are attached to you. I approve and will sign.” She took photos of us and sent us on our way…
  
  Hallelujah!
  
  We’ve been praying for her to have a change of heart, but not just towards our specific case. The bold prayer is that her heart is changed towards adoption, in general, to give more children an opportunity to be raised with a family, not in an institution. Continuing to pray that while she did approve ours, she becomes open to approving others, as well.

 

So now that we're home and have been issues an actual court order, we can start moving forward with the US side of things... like applying for visas. Praying it moves quickly so we can bring these kiddos home with us as soon as possible!

The Fight

I had such mixed feelings leading up to this trip… On one hand, I wanted to celebrate the good news that the adoption process was (finally) moving again AND the excitement of reuniting with our kids…

 

On the other hand, I was feeling fear and anxiety. I felt like I was preparing for battle. I was coming over here to fight for these kids - to ensure that all of the players were considering their best interests – to not allow ego or processes to hold them in an orphanage any longer. I worried about how I was going to get things done, knowing the challenges here. I’m not an assertive person by nature. I shy away from confrontation… I am not a “fighter”.

And yet I’ve been able to “fight” for these kids without stepping outside of my natural temperament. I’ve felt God’s prompting to remain quiet and compliant at times. I’ve tried to demonstrate humility, compassion and kindness in all of my interactions. I’ve been carrying a supernatural patience which I cannot even begin to claim as my own willpower because it has transcended some true chaos.  

Today, my attorney told me he liked and appreciated my disposition. That it worked in my favor within the culture here. And I just felt so overwhelmed with emotion when he made that one simple comment… because I had nothing to be fearful of. God is the one in control of all of this… and He has used my love for these kids and my quiet persistence to make things happen here. I am so beyond grateful…

  

Answers

We're a week into the trip and I've been postponing blogging about it... because to be honest, my head is swirling! My emotions are just running high. The things that we see, hear, feel over hear are just overwhelming and difficult to process at times.

I was looking back through past blogs last night, making a list of the things that we’ve asked you to be praying for over the past year… A year when we had little to no idea what was happening in our kids’ lives on a day-to-day basis... I’m so clearly seeing how God has been faithful to us and gone ahead of us here. He has been present with our children and is making a way for our family to be united.  

You collectively prayed with us that God would…

·       Protect our kids in Africa. Keep them safe and healthy. Use this time to grow their English skills. Prepare their hearts and minds for adoption… The kids are well and we're thrilled to be loving on them in person. They know enough English now to understand much of what we’re saying. They can ask us questions and express their needs... It's amazing to see how they come to us and are bonding with us. We're still getting to know them and I can't wait til we can tell you all about them... but where we are now feels like the first steps of trust and attachment. In some ways it seems incredible and in other ways it just seems so simple.
 

·       May God meet them where they are… make Himself known to them... Fill their little hearts with His peace… The best way to explain this in action is to tell you about the first meal we shared with the kids. We brought them to our hotel for lunch. When the waitress laid out the plates, Chad and I were distracted helping our daughter into her seat. We looked up to see our son, head bowed over his food, praying. Not a little, quiet grace. He was PRAYING. Fervently. Even the waitress stopped to watch him and said “do you see him praying?!” My heart overflowed! God is with our son. Our son knows Him and knows that all thanks are directed to Him!

 

 

·       Lift Asher’s anxieties from his mind so that he doesn’t carry the weight of worrying about their well-being… The message that we can take home to Asher from this trip is that the kids are alright. But more than that, it’s being able to tell Asher (and show him via photos and videos) that at the end of the day, they are just kids! They laugh. They play. They bicker. They hold our hands. They are easily distracted. They sing and dance. They go to school and church. They have favorite sport teams. They love taking selfies. They ask for phones and iPads. And on and on… J  

 

Thank you all so much for continuing to pray for our family. We are just overcome with support and so appreciate each of you! Please continue praying for the actual adoption proceedings. We're still wading through the steps, but feel confident and know God is walking this with us. More to share in the days to come...!

 

 

Court Date

It feels so good to have news to share! We have a court date! Hallelujah!

So, what does that mean? We will now have the opportunity to go before a judge, in our children’s birth country, to request that their adoption be finalized. This is the big next step that we’ve been waiting for…

… and it came at a totally unexpected time. It was our understanding that courts would be closed and no cases would be even scheduled til mid-late September at the earliest. So I have total confidence that our hearing over the “recess” period is God’s work!

This doesn’t mean the kids are coming home right away… we’ll still need to return to the US for additional paperwork (oh, the paperwork!) before making our third, and final, trip.

But this is by far the most movement that we have seen since we first met these kids 14 months ago. Another family was there visiting the orphanage this month and has sent numerous photos and videos that have just warmed our hearts. We’ve seen more of them and their sweet little personalities in the last 3-4 weeks than ever before. They remember us… they now know bits of English… they look healthy… but most importantly, they understand that we are coming soon.   

So we’re gearing up for travel. I have bags packed with clothes, shoes, cheeseballs, ring pops, and other random requests from our son. Chad is in research mode, ordering indestructible soccer balls (check them out! One World Play Project) and other goodies. We are SO ready!

Chad and I will be there, together, for about a week. We’re anticipating that I will stay longer, as needed, to ensure that the paperwork necessary for next steps is, at a minimum, moving in the right direction. However, my BOLD prayer is that the paperwork will all be COMPLETED while I’m there!   

The Unknown

We just got back from a trip to Cincinnati. It was so refreshing to be away!! We haven’t traveled for more than a day or two in quite awhile… always rationing money and vacation days in the hope that we’ll get some last minute news of travel back to Africa. I didn’t realize how much we needed the change of scenery until we were experiencing it. It was so good! 

While we were there we caught up with friends and relayed our adoption status multiple times… It gave us an opportunity to think about how to best frame where we are at the moment. And here’s where we are: THE UNKNOWN. Not at all somewhere I like to be. It’s my human nature to be uncomfortable here.

For awhile, our wait had a deadline. The light at the end of the tunnel was supposed to be last December. But for over 6 months now we’ve been living in ambiguity. We’ve had vague time frames, indistinct steps to follow, changing players. I feel like we have been living from one disappointing e-mail to the next, always hopeful for news that will come in the next e-mail. We can’t go into details… but there’s a whole web of a backstory that we will one day be able to share. Although I have a feeling that once the kids are with us, the backstory won’t even matter to us anymore!

Side Note: We bought these matching 4th of July dresses last year,
thinking Cora and her sister would be wearing them.
Hopeful they still fit in them next year?! 

I’ve felt unsettled. Emotionally rundown. Anxious that there’s not a clear path to finalization. Hesitant to make commitments (hence our lack of travel!).

But now that we realize this is truly the UNKNOWN, I’m finding myself moving to a new phase – a place of release. No more living wound up for the next message, deadline, bit of news. No more praying fervently from a state of worry. The joy of the true unknown is that it’s just that – UNKNOWN. I can’t even pretend to have control over any single piece of this. So why try? There’s no illusion of power or ability. It’s completely out of my hands. Acceptance. Peace.

I am reminding myself daily that nothing is unknown to the Lord and His peace is sustaining…

When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer. Psalm 94:19

 “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid. " John 14:27  

 
I will boast only in the Lord; let all who are helpless take heart…I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.In my desperation I prayed, and the Lord listened; he saved me from all my troubles…Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!  Psalm 34: 2-8

Prayer Requests:

• Please pray for our continued state of peace and joy. When I am focused on God and resting in His promises, I feel no anxiety. But I find myself easily distracted and it can take only one e-mail for me to spiral into a negative mental state. Pray for my focus to be steadfast on the Lord.
• Please continue to pray for Asher. He wants his brother home so badly! He understands better than Cora that life in the orphanage isn't like life here. He recently shared with us that he wakes up in the middle of the night, scared for the kids - are they safe? healthy? etc. He said praying calms him down so he can go back to sleep. Love him! Prayers that he tangibly feels God's presence and that his sweet faith grows through this trial.  
• Continued prayers for health and safety of our kids. Their current caregivers are English-speaking Christians. Although this appears to be a "useless" wait in our human eyes, we are praying that growth in language skills and learning about Jesus are positives the kids draw from this time.
• PRAY FOR A SIGNATURE AND COURT DATE!!

Love, Like Rain

Oh, I wish I had news to share! The papers still sit without signatures... and our hearts still feel incomplete. 

The waiting is difficult, y'all! It feels like life is on hold in so many ways... yet it obviously keeps moving forward all around us. We're doing our best to live in the present and enjoy this phase... some days that's easier said than done... but everything else is out of our hands.  

We get photos every month or two... and the kids looks good! They seem healthy. They're growing. They're attending school and church. We're celebrating these things. We're appreciating what deep love we feel when we see their sweet faces. And when I see photos of them in clothes I've sent over or holding gifts from us, I am so overjoyed. I'm clinging to those images as proof that they feel loved and trust we're coming back. 

Our Boy... June 2015... I'm guessing he's
now a few inches taller based on
the latest pictures we received!

We would appreciate your continued prayers...

• Pray that we continue to trust God and actively turn over to Him our feelings of discontent, worry and fear. May we live in the present, not allowing this draining process to rob us of joy. 

• Pray for the continued health and welfare of the kids. We are so thankful that they are well cared for and are hoping that this time at the orphanage/school is helping them learn English to ease the transition here. Pray that God is also using this time to draw them close to Him - may they feel loved, valued, strong and courageous. 

• Pray for motivations to be changed regarding the signatures that we need. Pray for a sense of urgency within their government (and ours!) regarding moving these kids through the process with the end goal of giving these children a family. 

Thank you!!

Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently on the Lord. Psalm 27:14 

...God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope... Rom 15:13

How Can We Not?

I have been sitting on this article for a few days. I read bits and pieces and then just need to pause to process before I read more...

The Most Dangerous Place to Become a Mother

I wanted to share it with all of you… because so many ask us why we chose to adopt internationally… and why/how the children are orphaned… We have decided that as we move forward and collect information, we won’t share many details of our own children’s stories outside of our family, because it’s personal. None of us would want to wear our darkest losses on our sleeves. It’s their story to tell when they are ready... … But this article will paint a broad picture for you. 

While wading through this article, I read a quote in another book that has also stuck with me. The author, a foster mom, wrote about her initial awareness of the needs of impoverished and at-risk children. She described her journey as starting in a place of “can we” do anything? Then progressed to “how can we” help… and finally arrived at “how can we not” take action?

We’re obviously past the “how can we not” stage in adopting – we’re in the thick of it! But we’re back to “can we” in terms of doing more at another level. Our adoption is bringing precious children who have experienced great loss into the stability of our family. It is a way to shine love and hope into a tragic situation. But better yet would be to move towards a place where birth moms and their children could not be in danger, but could thrive... "Can we"? 

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.  Isaiah 1:17

No News is Good News??

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has been supporting us through prayer over recent weeks. 

I was reminded today that absolutely everything that happens is either God-arranged or God-allowed. So while we continue to wait, I am trying not to question. We continue to trust that God is weaving together a beautiful testimony that we can not yet see.

As we mentioned previously, happenings and decisions made earlier this month were crucial to our adoption and have been weighing heavily on us. I wish we could say that we had fantastic news to report, but that’s not really the case. Insert your preferred sad emoji’s here. ;)

That’s not to say that we have bad news to report. We had a few big “wins” in the realm of paperwork issues which were a major relief. In addition, multiple changes have taken place regarding documentation, processes, etc. In theory all of these changes are positives and should help the process move forward with less potential for problems. However, our big hope was that the court date we are awaiting would be set… and that has not yet happened.

The biggest change taking place is that our children have been moved to a new residence. It’s been difficult because I saw where they were previously. Having a visual of their daily life and knowing the adults caring for them was reassuring to me. Now I have no point of reference – nothing to picture. It’s also difficult because we just don’t know what is in their sweet little heads. So many random questions run through my head: Do they understand why they are moving? Do they know the other kids moving with them? Are they scared? Did they get to bring the photo books I gave them? Is someone loving on them?

We had a moment of reassurance when a social worker from our adoption agency was visiting them recently. She gave them gifts from us and sent us photos of them. Our son told her that he had a mama who was coming back to take him to America. That one little statement from him is exactly what I needed. I am so thankful that he is remembering and holding on to the promise of me coming back!   

As we move forward, there are two specific prayer requests we’d like to share with you:

(1)  Please pray for the sweet little African boy and girl we call ours! Pray for their health and protection. Pray for their adjustment to a new place. Pray that the promise of family continues to solidify in their hearts. Most importantly, though, pray that they sense God with them and do not feel alone. (This morning I heard a story of someone relaying a very difficult childhood and her response to that difficulty was “don’t cry for me – God met me there.” I am now praying that fervently for these kiddos – may God be meeting them where they are.)

(2)  Pray for Asher. This wait has been challenging for Chad and I. In all honestly, it’s gotten exponentially worse over the past 1-2 months. But it’s now starting to be difficult on Asher. He loves these kids and considers them siblings already. He is starting to really question why it’s taking so long… and his sweet ability to empathize has him feeling worried and anxious for their well being. Please pray that he hears us when we tell him about how God works in all things, even when we don’t see it. Pray for peace in his anxious little mind.   

This sweet boy wants to meet his brother SO badly! 

   

My Meditation

As we continue to await updates on our children and news of adoption proceedings, I go through periods of frustration and sadness. I so appreciate the coffee dates and venting sessions friends grant me. And I am grateful that you lend an ear through this blog.

However, as much as I love chatting about the adoption, I’m learning that talking about where we are at the moment doesn’t lift me up emotionally. Discussing it just feels like I’m running in circles... because whoever I’m conversing with inevitably reflects back to me all of my own frustrations. After all, we can all agree, “it doesn’t make sense that there are so many hurdles when the children are in need and waiting!”

I’ve reconciled that this is 100% out of my hands. So it serves me best to go through the present without dwelling on the challenges. I’m trying to stop thinking of my own thoughts, questions and concerns. Instead, I find peace when I shift my thoughts to God, and Him alone.  
So, I’m trying (and some days it takes serious effort!) to meditate on these things:

This journey isn't necessarily about me and my family. It's about demonstrating faith.
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God! Proverbs 3:5-6

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-10

God has done amazing things for us and through us in the past. He will continue to do so – He is weaving a testimony of his greatness.
The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3

God is all-powerful. He IS able.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Ephesians 3:20-21

My role is to be still and faithful.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

God loves our children even more deeply than we do. He IS the Father to the Fatherless.
Father of orphans, champion of widows, is God in his holy house. God makes homes for the homeless… Psalm 68:5-6

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


There's one last verse that has just been implanted in my head and heart in recent months. I repeat this to myself regularly... 

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. Psalm 20:7

Adoption begs for your confidence in adoption agencies, social workers, attorneys, government representatives and others... But I am continually reminding myself that my trust is actually in one so much greater. With that being said, can I ask for your prayers? Happenings and decisions coming up over the next two weeks appear to be very important to our adoption. Please pray that God is making a way for those who represent us. We trust in Him alone. 

     

Margin

It’s a new year, so like everyone else we’re thinking back on 2015 and setting goals for 2016. While working through this whole goal process, I’ve been reflecting on this movement near and dear to my heart called “minimalism.” I love it. It encompasses my whole desire to simplify life and slow down our pace… The concept of minimalism is relative – others may look at my life and say I’m definitely not living with the minimum. Which is true… but in comparison to life 5-10 years ago, we are moving in that direction! And it's really about having a heart that is content with less. We so value the core of this way of thinking. Check out this blog: Becoming Minimalist. It’s one of my greatest models and a source of total inspiration to me! This guy thinks like I think. Love it!

When Chad and I first got married, we had a vision for not getting caught up in the “rat race”. We left corporate America early in our careers, knowing that the demanding hours and promise of higher rungs on the ladder didn’t fit with what we wanted to prioritize and value in life. We thought that career change was a solid preventive measure to avoid the “race.” But we still found ourselves caught up in a busyness that was not healthy. And I’d say 99% of what we were committed to was “good” stuff – it’s just that there is such thing as too much of a good thing.

Simplifying hasn’t been as difficult as I expected, but it has taken a concerted and consistent effort. As we’ve made decisions about time, commitments, relationships and money, we’re had to keep the decisions in the framework of our end goal – slowing down to truly be present in the present.

A piece of the puzzle has been learning to build margin into our lives – especially in our schedule. I looked up the definition of the word “margin” while writing this. It is “an amount of something included so as to be sure of success or safety.” Space. Fluff. I’ll admit, open space intimidates me for some reason. I want to fill it – and fill it fast. But that inevitably leads to the same old busyness that I’m trying to move away from.

So what does having margin mean for me at the moment?

I’m no longer making double (or triple or quadruple) commitments. We’re not going to try to swing by here on the way there before we go to our final destination.

I’m saying no. And sometimes I’m saying no to good things. It’s just not physically possible to say yes to everything. When I say no, it may allow someone else the opportunity to say yes. And when I say yes, you know you'll have my full attention.

We’ve got cushion in our budget. If we need to pay money to farm something out one month because it enables us to focus on something of more mental, emotional or spiritual value, we can do it without stress.

I’ve built space into our calendar and we're prioritizing the sabbath as a day of rest. There are times when we intentionally block off our calendar for nothing. Nothing. Sometimes we end up filling that time, sometimes we don’t. But we have the option. And allotting open time allows me to be available for last minute things without rushing into revamp mode for our whole schedule.

Now that we’re kind of settling into a lifestyle with margin (keep in mind it's a work in progress and always will be!), I’m seeing really great benefits…

It opens us up to build better community. We have time for people because we’re not over-committed. I know more of my friends than their Facebook statuses. We can show up when things are tough and offer to help without restraint. (The old Kristin & Chad were like “I would LOVE to help you, but only if your need falls between X and Y o’clock on Z day of the week.” Hearts were in the right place, just too busy!) 

I like myself a lot more. :) I’m not exhausted. I’m not burnt out. I’m not in a rush. I’m a better friend when I’m not avoiding phone calls that I don’t have time for. I’m a more patient driver when I’m not freaking out over how one additional red light is throwing my entire night’s sequence of events into a tailspin. I’m a more understanding mom when I can take the time to see the root cause of behavior and default to teaching instead of disciplining.

We have room to pursue things that interest us. Chad can go mountain biking without feeling guilty. I can invite neighbors over to do volunteer projects. We can adopt! Yes, we could adopt no matter how busy we were… but the margin has allowed us to prepare, be healthy mentally and physically, and hopefully make the transition the smoothest it can possibly be. 

Although it’s been a little while now since we’ve really gotten in the groove of this margin concept, I didn’t feel like I could quite own up to it before. If someone asked me how I was, it seemed like the only "acceptable" response was "busy." There’s this undercurrent of competition in the world with our busyness... and somehow I bought into the concept that busyness equates to value and importance. 

But I’m owning up to it now. I’m not going to be “busy” in 2016. I have a vision for the year, specific goals and a lot of desires... I'll be present and active... But I won’t be busy for the sake of busyness!

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:1-2 (Message)

"Making" time for the sunrise!