Reconciling the 3 C's

Confession time: I love my life. I in no way intend to come across as prideful when I make that statement. God has given me exceedingly more than I deserve or could ask for…  I love my husband, kids, family. I love that I have been staying home during this phase and can be completely focused on caring for them. I have community in a neighborhood, schools, church, friendships…. We are healthy. There is no drama going down anywhere. I am BLESSED.

Yes, there have been challenges in the past and there will be more to come in the future. That’s a given. But at this stage of the game, it’s easy to use the word “content”. Content is being satisfied where you are with what you have. I’d like to believe that I’d still be content even if I had less… no matter what my circumstance… because more than anything else, I have hope in a God who is bigger and better than I can even imagine.

I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Phil 4: 11-13

I have always feared contentment. Crazy, right? But it’s because I’ve often confused contentment with comfort. And I’m leery of being too comfortable… because too much comfort could breed complacency… and I know that on the other side of the world (and in our own backyards), people with hearts like yours and mine are suffering. SUFFERING. And while they are suffering, I’m comfortable. I can’t handle that. So I’ve been praying for no complacency within me.

And wouldn’t you know, God has responded to that prayer in a way that I did not expect... 

I thought it was going to be answered by a really cool opportunity that recently came my way. The opportunity felt meaningful and exciting and it was easy to see the impact it could have on people. But that opportunity would have required sacrifices. Sacrifices that may not be considered important by some, but that are significant to me… sacrificing the ways I can support Chad, walking Asher to school, one-on-one time with Cora, volunteering, sleep, low-stress, etc. 

I started weighing the pros and cons of the opportunity and thought it was going to be a difficult decision. But it wasn’t. Disappointing, maybe. But not difficult. Because when it came down to it God made it clear to me that NO was the answer. Simple as that. And in saying no, it was also made clear that He’s had our family on the path to simplifying life for years. And although it sometimes feels too comfortable, or counter-cultural, this phase of life is intentional. It is my period of renewal and preparation. 

So, Chad and I are prioritizing balance and simplicity at the present time… knowing it frees us up to help, serve, and jump in where needed in little and big ways while we wait for our BIG jump into adoption! 

James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

A quick update to my last post... 
Asher and Cora are now proudly sporting their Amharic
titles for brother (wundim) and sister (ehit). The joy continues to grow...

Asher's Joy!

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart

Where?

Down in my heart to stay!

There is so much joy in my heart today... and so much joy in Asher's heart! He now knows that we are adopting. And he is EXCITED! (Thank you, Lord, because we have been praying for him to understand, accept and be on board!)

He has so many questions... and so many sweet concerns for his future siblings. His thoughts and inquiries pour out throughout the day. His heart is big and his desire to give is deep. Please share in his joy when you see him next! Encourage him! Get excited with him! And when he tells you we're adopting from Hondorus or China or some other country, gently bring him back to Ethiopia. All of those country names get mixed up in his little 5 year old head. :)

He has asked for a necklace that says "brother" in Amharic to match mine which says "mother" (enat). So I'm working on that... and coming up with lots of other fun activities to build up his knowledge of Ethiopia and understanding of adoption... So if you come across any cool ideas for me, please share them!!

Wendem (brother)

On a Mission, Part 2

You now know that I value a good mission statement… and lucky for me, my dear husband does too. Between the two of us, we’ve created a good number of mission statements over the years for organizations, ministries and business that we have been involved in.

So when we moved into our current house, Chad decided that we needed a vision for our family. And not only that, it needed to displayed in our new entryway so that people know what we are about. This stressed me out! A statement for our entire family? That we would publicly display? Talk about pressure! I don’t remember how long it took… but it was a drawn out process of thinking about it, praying about it and trying to simplify it. Then, once we knew we had it just right, we put the lettering up in our hallway.

 

Nothing like painting something on the walls to make it official! The simple statement truly sums up our family. We use it to teach our kids what we value most. We fall back on it when we’re overwhelmed and need to remember what truly matters. We use it raise our minds and spirits above the daily grind. And we use it to hold ourselves accountable to the way we want to live.

And, of course, we used it as a framework for deciding to adopt.

• Live Simply  We have felt God impress upon us the need to SIMPLIFY for years now. We were running CRAZY about 5 years ago. Simplifying our possessions and commitments (socially, financially, etc.) has been AWESOME. And it has allowed us to divert our money to ministries and now the adoption process.
• Be Grateful  Gratitude is the foundation of our decision to adopt. We are so blessed. SO BLESSED. And how humbling to know that nothing we have is ours – it is all from the Lord. So then, how can we not share all that we have with more children??
• Give Love  We love being parents and hope that Asher and Cora are 100% confident in our love. Can you imagine living without confidence that someone loves you?? That thought breaks my heart. We want our love to extend past the two biological children God has blessed us with.
• Pray Lots  Completely necessary in this process! Praying and hearing the Lord’s response has given us complete confidence to more forward.
• And the rest will fall into place…  We don’t know the ins and outs yet, but our world is about to be rocked! I am daily turning over my desire to control and perfect, trusting in the Lord’s perfection. The rest will work itself out!!

So… there is a reason why I am sharing all of this!! J

We are in the fundraising part of our adoption process. As I’ve already shared ("Uh, Isn't that Expense?") , the fees are overwhelming (especially since we requested a sibling set and will likely be paying fees for TWO). We have already made changes within our family/home to generate the first 1/3 of the fees. We have a plan in place to cover another 1/3 as we move forward... and we hope to raise support to fill in the gap of the final third.

We’ve struggled with this part of the process… not so much about the notion of needing support. Friends and family have supported us in various missions over the years, just as we have financially and prayerfully supported them. We totally believe in the concept of community and trust that God uses others to help us get to where He is leading us.

But we struggle with fundraisers in general. It seems silly to ask people to buy something that they probably don’t really want or need so that our cause gets a tiny percentage of what they spent. When my kids are asked to participate in fundraisers I usually opt out and just write the school/organization a check as a donation. That way my money is going straight to the cause and I’m not getting a bunch of junk I really don’t need.

So we have come up with two ways to raise support that are personal to us and hopefully beneficial to you, as well. You have been so receptive of the first – my monthly craft workshops. Thank you for participating and spreading the word to others!

Our second campaign is rooted in having a vision statement for our family… Should you choose to make a donation to our adoption fund (see below), your financial support will allow us to give children a family - an incalculable gift! So we want to do something valuable for your family as well... Send us YOUR family's vision or guiding scripture... and we'll make it all pretty for you to hang somewhere in YOUR house. :) 

If you feel connected to our mission and feel led to financially support this process, THANK YOU. You are blessing us (and our future kids) beyond measure!! (And if you do not feel led to financially support this, we ask that you do continue to pray for the financial side of our adoption. We know God has it covered! :) ) 

We have partnered with Lifesong to create an account for funds raised. Lifesong is a non-profit organization with the mission “to bring joy and purpose to orphans”. We created this account for a few reasons:

-          Lifesong will track the funds and pay out directly to the recipients of our fees. We won’t ever touch the money. 100% of donations will go directly to covering adoption costs. Lifesong does not deduct for administration fees. 

-          Donations are tax-deductible to you. 

Please make checks payable to “Lifesong for Orphans". In the memo, note BLALOCK #4230 to assure it goes to the correct account. Please mail to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL  61744.  Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all U.S. administrative and fund-raising costs (TMG Foundation and other partners). That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the adoption.  

Another option is to give online. Go to www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate. Select “Give to an Adoptive Family.” Complete the online form and fill in “Family Account Number” and “Family Name” Fields.  

In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non-profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use. Individual donations of $250 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $250 will gladly be sent upon request. Lifesong is a 501(c)3 tax exempt organization. 

THANK YOU! Your emotional, spiritual and financial support are so heartening to us!! 

Ties that Bond

In high school, I went to a Rembrandts concert with a bunch of girlfriends. You know the Rembrandts, right? If not, here’s a little 90s trivia. Their claim to fame is the theme song for Friends, “I’ll be there for you…”.

No one could ever know me. No one could ever see me 

Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me 

Someone to face the day with, make it through all the rest with 

Someone I'll always laugh with 

Even at my worst, I'm best with you, Yeah! 

I vividly remember only one detail from that concert… spinning around in a grassy field, surrounded by friends and singing my heart out. A total sense of solidarity.

Fast forward 5 years to a post college. I was living on my own, doing the “adult thing” and just really missing the camaraderie that came with high school and college. That transition out of school is challenging – you’re no longer constantly surrounded by peers. Add to it that I was going through a really tough time – and I just flat out felt alone. One night I specifically prayed for someone to come into my life - just one friend who could relate to where I was… and the next morning I got a phone call. Someone from my church had given my name to another 20-something and said we should connect. So we grabbed lunch… and discovered we were dealing with the exact same issue. Immediate understanding. Immediate friendship. Immediate answer to prayer.

I said a similar prayer last summer as we were embarking on this adoption journey. I just wanted someone who knew – who understood the crazy emotional journey that comes with international adoption. Within days, I got an e-mail from an old high school acquaintance who knows adoption and has become a sweet support. Then I met a neighbor who has adopted and is herself adopted. Immediate understanding. Immediate friendship. Immediate answer to prayer.

I continue to be blessed with dear friendships… adoption- related or not...  relationships that run deep and demonstrate transparency. Relationships that are just heartening. 

You all are so supportive! You have been asking how you can help us… and at this stage of the game, we’re mainly just waiting. We’re using our time to read anything and everything we can that will prepare us for the future transition. And more than anything else, just pouring into Asher and Cora, knowing things will change dramatically in the somewhat near future. That being said, we will remember all of your offers of help and cash in on them in the future. ;)

There are two ways to support us during this waiting phase…

-          PRAYER
This whole process has only strengthened our faith in the Lord and the power of prayer. Please pray for our family. I’ll try to be diligent about posting specific prayer requests… because I believe God answers SPECIFIC requests with SPECIFIC answers… but ongoing prayer for the protection of our future kids, the openness of the adoption program in Ethiopia, and our own family’s faith and preparation is MUCH appreciated!

-          FUNDRAISING
We are continuing to fundraise for the next set of fees that will be due when we accept a referral. The one “perk” of a long wait time is more time to raise funds! We don’t want our family and friends to feel any pressure or burden to support this financially. However, even if you don’t feel led to participate in the fundraisers, we would really appreciate you spreading the word to others!!

I recently came across this blog that I want to share… we feel blessed that we have such incredible friends and family supporting us. You all are wonderful. So in  some ways, this post doesn't apply. In other ways, it sums up where we are... This is a little “wish list” of what most adoptive families wish others knew… we feel the same. Here’s the first item to know about adoptive parents:

1. We have tunnel vision - especially at the beginning. Perhaps our eyes are just being opened to the orphan crisis, to foster care in our country, to what God says about caring for those in need - which then dominoes into social justice and sometimes missions, and we are very passionate about the subject. We are so passionate that conversations with us will be single subject, one sided rants about the above. It's new, it's exciting, and we are on the front-end - it's much like a brand new dating relationship. We see all of the positives, and we are starry eyed, hopeful, expectant and just plain excited. We want to share this excitement with the world. I mean the. whole. world. We see brown skinned babies at the mall with white parents, and we go weak in the knees and nearly squeal at them. We see Asian children at preschool and immediately start dreaming and yapping about our future children and the beautiful gift that is adoption. You might feel a little weird around us (okay a lot weird). Something has happened to your once-normal friend who used to chat about shoes and clothes and TV shows, but is now shouting about how your clothes are not fair-trade (and neither is that coffee your drinking or your candy bar your eating!), and don't you care about the child soldiers in Africa?! You might feel a little uncomfortable, like perhaps now your friend expects you to jump on the bandwagon and get weird too - perhaps even start an adoption process yourself, and that's not your calling so you squirm and begin to feel uncomfortable every time you see her number on the caller id or read another passionate blog post or facebook update. We are single-minded and self-absorbed, much like the expectant first-time mama who is growing her precious baby inside of her. But we need you - no, not to adopt - we need you to listen, give us grace, and invest in the process - much like you did when your sister was expecting her first baby. Be excited with us - even if you don't quite get it yet. Do your own research on these subjects that have begun to matter to us. We need you to give us time and space and allow us to go through this process. The tunnel vision will not {exactly} last forever.

I definitely have the tunnel vision described in the blog. Thank you for listening, asking, reading and bearing with me! (And if you want to find out about fair trade coffee and supporting Ethiopia, visit Just Love Coffee!) J

What's in a Number?

We received a number today. It’s the number representing where we are on the wait list for our dossier to be reviewed by Ethiopia’s Ministry of Women’s, Children and Youth Affairs. Each month they will hopefully review some dossiers (some months they do not). Then on the first of the following month we’ll get a new number that is lower to indicate we’ll be closer to our own review.

The number is a bit ill-defined for us. If we had requested a baby, the number would probably be meaningful... because we would wait on that list number by number. However, we have not requested a baby. So in theory, we could move more quickly (I’m being optimistic!).  

I’m choosing NOT to share the number right now… In reality, I don’t know if it’s better to have a number or to just not know. I am now fixated on this number. I will have a number in my mind from now until we get a referral. It is likely going to drive me crazy. So I am saving you from the crazy consummation that comes with knowing the number… and I’m saving myself from you asking us about our number. (Love you all and know the questions would be innocent, but it would still add insult to injury that we have to sit on a wait list for these sweet kids…)

So while I’m in a numbers mood, here are some statistics (from Wikipedia) that are shaping our future kids… 

• Ethiopia is a multilingual society with around 80 ethnic groups

• There are ninety individual languages spoken in Ethiopia and an even higher number if dialects

• Currently, the population growth rate is among the top ten countries in the world (86.6 million strong)

• About 16% of the population in Ethiopia are living on less than 1 dollar per day

• Only 65% of rural households in Ethiopia consume the World Health Organization's minimum standard of food per day (2,200 kilocalories), with 42% of children under 5 years old being underweight

• Most poor families (75%) share their sleeping quarters with livestock, and 40% of children sleep on the floor, where nighttime temperatures average 5 degrees Celsius in the cold season.

• In the capital city, 55% of the population lives in slums

• Ethiopia has only 1 medical doctor per 100,000 people

• The overall literacy rate in Ethiopia is 23.4%

• Marriage by abduction accounts for 69% of the nation's marriages

The numbers start to paint a picture, right? The marriage one struck me the most. Marriage by abduction! It breaks my heart.

I recently read the book “Orphan Justice” by Johnny Carr (HIGHLY recommend it. Seriously, read it. You can borrow my copy.) He spends a chapter walking through the complexities of poverty and comes to this conclusion: “When people are living in a culture of poverty, they quickly lose hope. They become desperate, and desperate people resort to desperate measures.”

Regardless of the numbers and statistics, I have no doubt that God created each and every one of the women and children in Ethiopia. I am praying that they know Him, love Him and allow Him to be their protector and provider. And I'm specifically praying that our sweet kids feel a supernatural strength and protection while they wait for their "forever family."

You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God, are my fortress. In his unfailing love, my God will stand with me. Psalm 59:9-10

On a mission...

I read a book years ago called “Living a Purpose-Full Life”. The first section of the book discusses creating a unique mission statement for your life. It really resonated with me. At the time I was working on my MBA, learning about missions, goals, values, objectives, etc. for business-related projects. Why not also have a mission to guide my own personal endeavors?

But coming up with a personal mission statement was more difficult than I expected. How do you narrow down all of your thoughts and interests into one brief statement? But part of the process outlined in the book was “data collection.” What is your personality type? What are your passions? What unique experiences have already shaped your life? What are your spiritual gifts? When do you feel happiest? And so on…

When I started thinking through all of those questions (i.e., collecting my data), I began to see patterns in my life. So while sitting in my Cincinnati dentist office with a red pen and a torn envelope, I wrote down a “draft” mission statement. I fully intended to go back and tweak it at a later date. I would love for it to have more sophisticated wording. But every time I’ve revisited it since that day, I feel like it’s good just the way it is! Divine inspiration at the dentist office back in 2002, I guess.

“Enhance appreciation of God through:

-          Artistic expression

-          Acceptance of different cultures

-          Encouraging confidence in the gifts God gave us”

It is just broad enough that it sums up how I wanted to live 15 years ago, now and moving forward. And the great thing is, it has helped me to make difficult decisions over the years. When I’m considering something, I can see how it compares to my mission to decide if it’s something that my time and energy would be best spent on. I’m a “yes” girl, so falling back on my mission statement helps me filter out what I should not be saying yes to!

It's affirming that when I’ve felt called to do big things, they have all been consistent with my mission statement. For example, my mission trips to China and Nigeria. Both trips were focused on providing aid to children – in China it was working in an orphanage, in Nigeria it was working on plans for a hospital. So I felt like the trips would hit #2 and #3 on my statement… but on BOTH trips, I got there and was asked “do you paint?” I ended up spending my time in China painting murals on bedroom walls in the orphanage. And I spent my time in Nigeria painting murals in a new daycare facility being built on the hospital campus. I'll admit, for a brief moment I was caught up in negative thoughts about painting not being the most important work for each trip… but at the end of the day, I used my gifts to illustrate God’s word and encourage others. Definitely important work and definitely aligned with who God made me to be!

   

            

You’re probably a step ahead of me and see how our current journey fits with my personal mission. Adopting internationally hits on the encouraging and diversity prongs of my statement. More affirmation that we’re heading just where God wants us to go…

I bring all of this up because we’re at the stage in our process where we are starting to raise the remaining adoption funds. Thinking through this has been a challenge for Chad and I because we really dislike fundraisers. J We’re been working through what type of fundraising best fits us, our skills, etc. More to come on all of that, but for the time being I am excited to announce our first fundraising effort!

I am going to be hosting monthly craft/art classes. Woo hoo! I LOVE crafting… and I know all of you do too. Even those of you who say you aren’t good at it… you can be good at it with a little inspiration!! So look for upcoming invitations and e-mail me feedback… feedback on crafts you would like to try, on when is the best time to meet, etc. (And if you already meet with a group of women – Bible Study, moms groups, etc. and want me to plan a craft night specifically for your group, let me know!!!) 

Tidbits of Good News

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy.  Proverbs 13:12


Good news #1:

All of the negativity from the article I previously mentioned has settled down. The article was apparently out of context. According to our agency, Ethiopia is NOT closing international adoption. There was a meeting about human rights where adoption came up and the officials discussed changing some rules that could potentially slow the approval process… but they are NOT closing. YEAH!

(A lesson could be learned here in not paying attention to negative facebook chatter until all facts are confirmed. It was a rough couple of days for me. Stuff like this will likely come up frequently. For my own sanity (and Chad’s), I may need to boycott social media and the internet during those times!)

 

Good news #2:

I am LOVING our adoption agency. It took quite awhile for us to settle on the right agency for us… and we initially chose a different agency that we left after some questionable things came up. So it is a relief to trust them and know that they are proactively working for their families in a transparent way. They were online over a holiday weekend answering questions from families freaking out about the potential for adoption to close. And when they ran out of answers, they admitted they knew no more at the moment and posted this:

 

 

Good news #3:

We received our letter from USCIS approving moving forward under the new PAIR process. Like the acronyms?! This basically means the Customs/Immigration department has agreed that we are reliable to care for an orphan.

This letter from USCIS was the LAST document needed to complete our dossier. Yeah! If your mind works like mine, you will assume that means the dossier can now be sent to Ethiopia. However, that is not the case. It needs to be authenticated. Not once. Not twice. Three times. Yes, our dossier complete with notarized documents will now be authenticated. That authentication will be authenticated. And then the authentication of the authentication will be authenticated. No idea how long this will take… So we wait…

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Romans 12:12