Life in Photos

I make an annual photo book for our family. I slowly piece it together throughout the year so that I can take the time to really enjoy the process. And I can’t tell you how often I look through them. It’s fun to reflect back on the years. And it’s actually helped me fill in memory gaps… especially during Cora’s first year when I was in a fog of sleeplessness. (I sometimes look at a photo in the 2011 time frame and truly not recall the where/what/when of it!)

Our accumulation of books reminds me that this family is established and growing. Chad and I are coming up on our 10 year anniversary! (I'd say something like "where did the time go?" - but I have the photo books to show us! :))

Asher and Cora love the books, too. They flip through and point out every single page. They laugh at funny faces. They replay their favorite stories and ask me to fill in the blanks when they forget a detail. I’m not even sure if their little brains can actually remember the events. I think they’ve seen the pictures so many times that the images, not the memories themselves, have become ingrained in their heads.

Pointing out favorite photos in their books...

Here’s the thing – the other day, I walked into the living room and they were sitting side by side, flipping through the books. I felt an immediate warmth… followed by a sadness… because our adopted kids will not have a similar accumulation of photo books to call their own. We hope to gather as much information as possible to create their own “life books”… books that explain their birth family, culture, and the story of how God brought them to our family. I am praying that their birth family will be willing to meet with us when we visit Ethiopia so that we have details to share with the kids one day. And I’m going to gather up every piece of information that I can while there… This blog will be a part of their life book, too. This is the story of how God spoke to us and led us to them…   

But knowing that they won’t have the full comfort of flipping through their whole history… or maybe wouldn’t even choose to flip through their history because it is painful, saddens me. The millions of memories we make together won’t minimize the ones that aren’t documented or remembered.

So we’ll take as many photos as we can, construct life books and teach them about our God who already knows the story of their lives...

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered.

Psalm 139:15-17

The Need

Chad and I really struggle with the whole economics – “supply & demand” for lack of a more compassionate term - of the adoption process. There is a "high demand" for healthy babies. But other kids, who may be a little bit outside of the majority’s comfort zone, also need families… maybe even more so because they have greater needs than can’t be addressed in an orphanage.... 

Since the beginning, we’ve felt conflicted about this. We wanted to put our name on the “special needs” list… but we hesitated. The adoption process alone is overwhelming. And even the most physically healthy child will come to us with cognitive, emotional and developmental needs… But as time passes and we continue to read and research, we are feeling more confident in our knowledge and understanding of this whole world of orphan care… (I also acknowledge that we probably really don’t know a thing. Afterall, reading the “What to Expect” and Dr. Sears books didn’t really prepare me for the reality of a newborn!) 

There is an unending list of questions and what-ifs for a child coined “special needs.” (And I should pause here to explain that “special needs” in international adoption is WIDE open. This “category” includes disabilities and illnesses, but it also includes sibling sets, certain ages, certain ethnic backgrounds, family histories, high risk groups, etc.…) What accommodations will they need? How will they fit in at school? Will it be difficult to live/treat XYZ? Will they have extra struggles with XYZ? What will their future relationships be like?

But here’s the thought that I keep falling back on: these kids are already on this earth with those needs… so the questions and concerns apply to them with or without us being a part of their lives. The real question, for us, has come down to: can WE handle walking through all of their challenges WITH them. And how can we possibly answer no to that question when we have a God who promises to walk through life WITH US?

So we have expanded our dossier… And we continue to wait and trust…

For since the world began, no ear has heard and no eye has seen a God like you, who works for those who wait for him! - Isaiah 64:4

Bits of Fab

This is such a minor blip on our adoption journey… but I feel encouraged and just wanted to share!

I felt overwhelmed today… just one of those days where things feel a bit out of control and I wanted to have a sense of order… I was waffling with adoption thoughts – should I be reading more? Taking more classes? Learning Amharic? Rearranging the house to make room for a growing family? On and on…

So I decided to distract myself with sewing. I have been making these cute little purses and thought I’d make a few more… so I went up to my scrap fabric bin and grabbed some fun prints and started cutting away.

Seriously, aren't they cute?

MAJOR SIDE NOTE: I’ve got this ongoing craft sale happening on Facebook as a fundraiser to offset adoption expenses. I named it “Bits of Fab” because there’s so much that can be done with “leftover” bits of fabric. Trying to create out of the scraps is a fun challenge! It’s like a puzzle… what can fit in this random piece?? Anyway… back to my primary train of thought... :)

I’m laying down patterns for the purse on the scraps of fabric, making sure I have enough to start the project. And as I’m doing this, I realized I had just enought of the first fabric. So I move onto cutting the next print. And I have just enough of that to make another bag. Literally, JUST ENOUGH. This continued… and I continued to have JUST ENOUGH.

Whew. Thank you, Lord, not just for giving me enough fabric (although that was a nice treat today since Hobby Lobby is closed on Sundays.) Thank you for knowing what I need and making sure I have ENOUGH! I get the message loud and clear. No more worrying for me today…

Matthew 6:30-34 (Message)

If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Opportunity

I’ve been reflecting on that job opportunity that I walked away from earlier this month (need an update? Read this!)… and that word, OPPORTUNITY, is just hanging with me. What a blessing to have opportunities! Whether you ignore them, accept them, turn them down… We are blessed to have opportunity!

We have the opportunity to…

Choose what we want for dinner… to even have dinner!

Enroll in a public school...

Speak freely…

Dress in a style of our own choosing...

Come and go as we please…

Choose and communicate what we believe without fear…

Seek medical care…

Turn on the faucet and drink water…

Dream about what we want to do when we grow up – whatever that may be…

Grow families without government constraints…

Play sports, be creative, follow dreams…

Seriously, I could just spend the afternoon adding to this list. The opportunities are countless for us… in large part because we were born free in a country that values our freedom and opportunity.

As I have been sitting on this word, I keep thinking of the sweet children waiting for homes… many of whom are “older” or have “special needs” that may limit even their opportunity to be adopted. My heart just breaks for them...  and seriously, while in the middle of writing this post, someone sent me a link to the video below. WATCH IT. I am so moved...

I Like Adoption: Video

The Dennehy's decide to give the gift of 'family' to nine children from around the world....

Tug of Heart

No real news to share. But here’s the thing: the waiting isn’t bothering me. I think it’s bothering all of you more than me – because you all look so disappointed when you ask for an adoption update and there’s not one to give. :)

That’s not to say it’s not disappointing to see our number stay the same for a few months in a row. (If you're thinking to yourself, “what number?", click here.) It is disappointing! A decreasing number would be a visual reminder that things are moving along in the process… but so far the wait isn’t hanging over us and weighing on me like I had anticipated.

And here’s the reason why: God in continually laying things on our hearts regarding this adoption. Many of the things are just small thoughts here or there. But it’s enough to get us thinking, get us praying, and taking action… maybe it’s a bit of research… maybe it’s a lesson to teach our kids…maybe it’s supporting other orphan-care movements… no matter how big or small each individual action is, I know it’s all in preparation for what’s to come. And it fulfills a PURPOSE in the PRESENT. So as we listen and follow the tugs on our heart, we are finding meaningful ways to fill the wait...

God, the one and only— I’ll wait as long as he says. Everything I hope for comes from him, so why not?  Psalm 62:5 (Message)

One "purpose for the present" is teaching Asher & Cora
about sharing with others... They are getting it!

Another "purpose for the present" is fundraising...
Thank you to everyone participating in my monthly crafting workshops!!!

In You...

Just a quick note of gratitude to everyone who has indicated an interest in supporting us financially during the adoption. We truly appreciate you!

We are continually being asked the amount for our fundraising target…  We haven’t intentionally been vague! See my last blog and add finances to the “learning curve” list! :)

The honest answer is (1) we are uncomfortable focusing on the money and (2) we don’t know for sure how much we will need… BECAUSE in our dossier, we indicated an interest in a sibling set. So we could be referred one OR two children… meaning the fees could be double for two kids!

So, our initial goal is to raise $8,500. If the referral comes back for two children, we may kick into higher gear with raising support… only time will tell. We continue to trust that God has it all figured out already. He wouldn’t put us on this path without the funding being out there!

... for in you the fatherless find compassion. Hosea 14:3

If you do decide to donate, (THANK YOU!), please make checks payable to “Lifesong for Orphans". In the memo, note BLALOCK #4230 to assure it goes to the correct account. Please mail to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL  61744.  Lifesong has been blessed with a partner that underwrites all U.S. administrative and fund-raising costs (TMG Foundation and other partners). That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the adoption.  

Another option is to give online. Go to www.lifesongfororphans.org/give/donate. Select “Give to an Adoptive Family.” Complete the online form and fill in:

“Family Account Number” 4230

“Family Name” BLALOCK 

More information on our fundraising and arrangement with Lifesong can be found here.

Learning Curve

We are continuing to learn SO much as we move forward in the adoption process…

• Learning statistics about need, disease and poverty.

• Realizing social injustice is real and not comprised of clear-cut black and white issues/solutions.

• Discovering that we have held our own misconceptions and biases.

• Gathering information about parenting orphaned children and addressing their special needs.

• Learning that their needs are deep and wide - emotional, spiritual, physical, medical, social, etc. (As we speak, I am signed up for a class called Braids, Curls, Twists and Twirls : A How-To for Natural Black Hair Care – because my sweet children will need to look presentable! :))
  

Perhaps I should start with a simple style...
and not this adorable heart braid!

And in addition to processing all of this external information, I am examining myself. Because I have a lot to work on!

I’m a “doer”. I don’t like to talk about things for long… I don’t want to chit-chat while we could be taking action. I want to come up with a few possible solutions and then pick one. Jump in. ACT. DO something about it!

That complicates this whole adoption process… because you are constantly bombarded with information that is not actionable! One day there’s a rumor that adoption laws may change… Another day you find out your paperwork is delayed… Then you read someone’s adoption horror story… then you read a truly positive and inspirational story… Then you get information on a specific child outside of your homestudy parameters… Then you read about parenting techniques, but you don’t have an adopted child yet to parent!... Then another article surfaces about more changes in the process… etc. etc.  

So, I’m addressing my do-er tendencies and understanding that within this process (and really all of life), I've got to truly dig deep and rely on the Lord… Many times no other action is necessary other than prayer. He’ll fight our battles for us. He’ll work things out for the good of those who love him…. So frustrating to feel paralyzed sometimes, but SO TRUE!

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Another piece of my self-discovery? I’m transparent. I don’t want to hide whatever I’m going through. I want to be open about it - real – sincere - genuine. I want to share what I am learning. I want to talk it through with people and know that I have their support.

This is also an area of complication for me in the adoption journey… because my future kids may NOT be comfortable with transparency. They will be joining our family without a say… and at an age where they do not yet fully know their own story. Being a part of our family will hopefully be a positive part of their story, but joining our family is not the beginning OR end of their story… and one day it will be THEIR choice to share or not share… Because they may have something heavy to reconcile. They may not want to be labeled or judged for something. They may not be ready to own every piece of their history.

So as we move forward, I’m starting to check myself. To make sure I’m not sharing what is not mine to share… boundaries will need to be set. Information made for our family only. It’s a balance that I am learning… and ask that you respect the boundaries if a time comes when we “clam up.” 

Oh… there is so much more learning to be done… would love to hear what you are learning in your stage of life, as well!