I Believe

Asher is a little more “up” on world news than I expected for a 1^st grader. He soaks in absolutely every he hears - even with I think he's not paying a bit of attention. Out of the blue yesterday he asked me if “that Kaci girl is following the rules and staying in her house”. J

I consciously leave the TV news on when he’s in the room because I want him to be exposed to the world outside of our nice little suburban bubble. At times I’ve wondered if I should turn it off to prevent him from becoming fearful from the negative stories, but it always turns into a launching pad for some great discussions. 

So today he asked me if his friend, who is sick, has ebola. When I said no and explained a little more about the disease, he told me that Jesus could “snap his fingers and get rid of ebola.” He also reminded me that Jesus may chose not to, but "He could if He wanted to". What sweet faith my little man has!

Could he be any cuter?

I can learn from Asher. God is continuing to speak to me about my faith through this adoption… I find myself mentally chanting “I believe you” throughout the day! 

I am reminding myself to believe Him when He says:

• He is the one true father to the fatherless
  “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” Psalm 68:5-6
  
• He works for good on my behalf
  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
  
• His thoughts and ways are higher and wider than my own“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
  
• He is my peace and comfort through this adoption process“You who are my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me.” Jeremiah 8:18

And by believing these things and truly accepting them, I’m having to let go of my own thoughts, worries and expectations… I choose to believe him and gratefully accept the peace of mind that comes to me!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Disconnected

So, this pattern is starting to emerge in our life. It’s already happened a handful of times and I have a sneaking suspicion that it will continue as we move forward… Updates from our adoption agency coincide with business trips for Chad. We keep receiving e-mail updates right as Chad is heading out of town. I read an update and all I want to do is discuss and digest it with him. But he’s gone and I have to wait. Aghhh!

I’ve jokingly said that it’s probably for the best. Not being able to hash through the information with Chad leaves me to process it on my own… And to rely on prayer instead of human conversation.

Last week, it went to a whole new level. We received an adoption update Wednesday. I wouldn’t say it was negative, but it definitely wasn’t what I wanted to hear. It was realistic and not overly optimistic about the continued wait time for referrals from Ethiopia. The changes they are making in-country continue to trickle down and affect the movement (or lack thereof) for international adoptions.

I called Chad to chat about it, but he was already in the throes of travel and inaccessible. So I figured that while he was away I could really take the time to be still, process the information, and seek the Lord. To do that, I decided to take a 3-day Facebook hiatus. I logged off and removed the app from my phone… No Facebook.

Literally, just a few minutes later the internet went down in our whole house. No Facebook. No e-mail. No Netflix. Definitely time to be still and pray… but also some time to text and vent with friends…   

I woke up the next morning and my phone was dead. It just stopped working. No Facebook. No e-mail. No Netflix. No texts. No calls. Seriously. I was a little freaked out by the whole scenario. Chad was gone and I had no way to communicate with anyone. 

I had disconnect from the world, but plenty of ways to connect with God - stillness, reading, meditation and prayer. And that time was so beneficial and uplifting to me! The message that I needed to hear was clear… God is saying to me, do you believe me? Not do you believe IN me… do you really BELIEVE ME? Because believing Him means letting go of trusting the things of this world (agencies, countries, laws, adoption processes)… and all of the worry, anxiety and mental time frames associated with them. It means trusting His power and His plan. I want that!

 “I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

And here’s the coolest part of the whole thing… Chad came home having a similar message and outlook after digesting the agency update. He feels a renewed contentment with having faith in God’s power and plan. A sense of relief that all we have to do is believe Him.

God spoke to both of us last week, separately, but together. Love that!

(P.S. All communication is back up and running! :))

Blogosphere

I so miss having a pencil and address book! I do not have an active list of phone numbers and mailing addresses anymore. And I realized this morning that I don't even have e-mail addresses for people! That's how engrossed in Facebook I've become... for many of you it's how we communicate. I don't know how to get ahold of you outside of Facebook!

So for those of you who didn't get my e-mail this morning, here it is on the blogosphere. :) 



Hi friends... 

I'm not trying to rush the next few months... but it just hit me that we're transitioning into the end of 2014! I made that realization as I was planning out my final adoption fundraiser workshops for the holiday season. And while I was thinking about the workshops, my mind wandered to how grateful we are for all of you supporting this (LONG) process! 

The financial support is measurable - we've raised over $3000 between the craft workshops and Bits of Fab (and the grand total raised is even more thanks to generous supporters!)... but the emotional and spiritual support is even more valuable. It can't put it in numbers, but it's priceless to me! :)

So please keep spreading the word about the workshops... and please don't tire of praying for us and this adoption. ;)

Kristin


Upcoming Workshops:

Painted Burlap
Wednesday, November 12 @ 6:30pm

Christmas Card/Gift Card Wreath
Tuesday, December 2 @ 10am OR 6:30pm

Family Birthday Sign (GREAT Gift Idea!!)
TBD

Seeing Clearly

I'm the exact opposite of a procrastinator. I get an idea and I want to just run with it. No waiting. No postponing. Immediate gratification. (This is why you can find me at Hobby Lobby multiple times in one day… I get an idea and immediately run up the street to grab supplies so I can get started!)

In the adoption realm, I feel content waiting for a period of time… and then I hit a patch of restlessness. My impatience leads me to thinking maybe I can act in some way. I can circumvent the wait. There has to be something I can do… Surely, I can take control of this… So I start re-reading, re-researching, inquiring here and there… searching for something that can be done to speed up this process.

But the more I try to maneuver, the more frustrated I get. I try to go this way, and remember we looked into that before and there was a catch. I look into another direction and realize it’s a dead-end. I read and read and read. I zig zag through ideas, websites, contacts… and I exhaust myself. It is mentally and emotionally draining.

And then I come to a place where I see clearly again. Yes, I temporarily lost sign of the big picture, but it's within my vision again… 

This is not our family’s adoption story. This is God’s adoption journey that He is entrusting to our family. It’s HIS children in Africa that He loves. It’s HIS all-knowing nature that is already preparing us (our family and those children) for one another. It’s HIS timing. I can’t speed that up. I wouldn’t want to – because I know that HIS gifts are GOOD. And those good gifts are HIS idea of good, not mine. So it’s all going to come together in a way that’s bigger and more beautiful than I can even imagine…  

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

(Kind of like our marriage. A gift that was more than I could have even imagined! Happy 10 years, Chad! J)

Then...

...and now.

Empowered to Connect

I went to the “Empowered to Connect” conference that I told you all about… and LOVED it! 

I learned so much! I'm so grateful for the opportunity. And so glad I didn’t let my fear of getting re-excited about the adoption (because it could cause an emotional crash!) keep me from attending. The weekend was so refreshing… because it wasn’t necessarily about adopting… It was about how to connect with and parent kids from all kinds of backgrounds.

And I was reminded… that’s really what this is all about. The adoption journey is short term, but becoming a family is long term. We don’t love the adoption process. (Seriously, it’s pretty rough. I'd say I detest it at the moment.) We DO love being a family and parenting. That’s the good stuff! 

Ups and Downs

I have been up and down in terms of my mental preparation for our adoption. In the beginning, I read books about adoption and Ethiopia non-stop. The positive stories had me uplifted, excited, encouraged… and also impatient. :) The negative stories brought fear, concern, and a desire to educate myself more and more.

Blogs are also great! They are sweet glimpses into other families with similar values, beliefs and passions… and the little nuggets of information that I glean will one day be priceless. But the blog comments? Oh my! They can be SO NEGATIVE! Just downright mean-spirited, hurtful, depressing, bigoted, etc. Reading the comments is sort of like the instinct to stare while passing a car wreck… I just keep scrolling down the page, knowing the comments are horrific but I can’t stop reading. Wow, does it get me worked up!  

After months of tunnel-vision in my reading, I had to take a break because it was overwhelming my thoughts. I knew it couldn't possibly be healthy to live in that all-consuming state of mind. (And poor Chad! He came home to some crazy moods swings related to my reading-binges!) So I shelved the reading (because it is never-ending if you allow yourself to keep going) to focus on where we are now... The fun stages with our kids that come and go so quickly. The priceless one-on-one time with Chad. The time and energy that we have to be available to others. This is a great period for us!

Here’s my confession: By concentrating on the present and minimizing my focus on the adoption, I have allowed myself to go into a self-preservation mode… Because the wait is hard! My thinking has been, "If I'm not reading about it and getting excited about it, then I won't feel as discouraged with the wait, right?!" But I’m about to come out of my little place of denial to go to an adoption conference next weekend. I've been fearful that I will come home disheartened. I almost turned down the opportunity to attend because I know I will get so excited and energized while I am there… and I’m going to come home to more waiting. Ugh.

Side Note: This is the author I'm going
to see speak next weekend...Loved her book! Check it out!

Then this morning, God laid something on my heart: It's not about MY wait. Our future child(ren) are waiting in much worse circumstance… While I can enjoy my present, they are living out a loss in theirs. And those sweet little heads may not yet know hope... So I am going to ride the ups and downs of the wait without spending all this energy trying to guard my heart. I can take it - because my God is my strength.

Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. Philippians 4:13 (The Message)

Nesting

Just a note to thank you all for being so encouraging of “Bits of Fab” and our adoption fundraising! We are making headway towards our goal, and so appreciative of your feedback and support… As a result, I spend lots of time working on projects and planning workshops. Last week, I believe I made about 20 trips to Hobby Lobby and logged countless hours on the sewing machine. J

I’ve been thinking of ways to describe why I so enjoy focusing on these craft projects… It’s productive. Therapeutic. Energizing. It allows me to stay focused on my home. It consumes my thoughts. It is a bit irrational at times. Ahhh, wait. I’m NESTING! That’s exactly where I am now. I’ve got some adoption hormones taking over… Funny how with this adoption, I am emotionally going through the same stages as a typical pregnancy!

We’ve been “paper pregnant” for one year now…. And I’m in the middle of what feels like a never-ending nesting phase. Thank you for giving me something to focus on!! J

 

Working on lots of home-made
items to bring our kids home! :)