As we
continue to wait, I am frequently asked about why the process takes so long. We
see statistics like there are currently about 18 million “double orphans” (both
parents deceased) in the world… so we all know that the need for orphan-care
exists. On the surface, it seems like such a simple equation:
Child without
a family + family with desire to adopt = quick and easy adoption
So why does connecting those children with our family turn out to be so complicated? Why does
it take so long???
Here’s the
short answer: Paperwork and court proceedings!
Here’s
the LONG answer: It takes a significant amount of time and effort to ensure that (1) a child is in fact in need of a long-term family and (2) the family wanting
to adopt understands the commitment and is a safe and nurturing environment. (For
our specific family, add to this the logistics of rural Ethiopia – no running
water, shotty electricity, rainy seasons that shut everything down, areas lacking
reliable means of transportation/communication, etc.)
I won't claim to be an expert on international adoption procedures and ethics. But
here’s what I do know… There will always be people who take advantage of the
disadvantaged. Wish it wasn’t true, but it is. They are out there and resurface
again and again. So, as it relates to international adoption, the circle goes
something like this:
- Children lose their parents and are in
need.
- The rest of the world learns about the need and an
adoption process develops.
- Someone, whether intentional or not, messes up
(abuse by adoptive family, human trafficking, paying birth family to give
up child, etc.)
- Governments and agencies respond to the negative
outcomes, by creating more policies, more paperwork, more processes. The
intent is good – to protect the innocent. But the outcome is a slow,
complex process.
- Children wait for an adoptive family while LOADS of paperwork
is submitted, reviewed, verified, re-reviewed, approved in court, etc.
- Finally, a match is made! A family adopts!
- Oh wait, someone, somewhere messes up again.
- A new policy and additional step is now needed in
the adoption process to prevent XYZ from happening in the future.
- And so forth and so on…
Here’s an
example that we have directly experienced – families wanting to adopt from Ethiopia were
“on hold” earlier this year while the Ethiopian government implemented another
“check” in their adoption process. This new step will enforce a two month
waiting period that allows time to potentially find a domestic placement for
the child. This is one of many ways they try to ensure that a child is not
being uprooted to another country if there is an arrangement that allows the
child to stay in their home country. There are kids who will benefit from this
– a friend or neighbor may have the chance to step up and bring them into a
familiar home! But the reality is there are also kids who will now spend an
additional two months in an orphanage waiting… because there is no one
domestically who has the means to care for them.
Reflect on all
of this and the timeframe starts to make sense… it’s frustrating. It’s not
perfect. It’s one more broken thing in our fallen world. But… if the waiting
leads to confidence that no one was taken advantage of in the process of
bringing your child home… there is obviously relief in that!
Choosing an
adoption agency is an important decision in this process. Your agency is who
will represent you, guide you, inform you, etc. When you are just waiting for
updates (any little nugget of news), your agency feels like a lifeline. I am so
thankful for ours – specifically the transparency and character that they
consistently demonstrate.
We initially
started our journey with a different agency than we now have. The original
agency progressed us from point A (casually inquiring about adoption) to point
B (a referral) in a very short time frame. It was a WHIRLWIND. And so difficult
to think clearly… We hadn’t even submitted an application to adopt when they
referred a sibling set to us that they said was orphaned and available for
adoption… Emotionally, I felt pulled in by the sweet boy and girl referred to
us. I saw their pictures. I read their files. I analyzed their medical
information. I felt connected… But there were red flags and we were being
pressured to make a fast decision. It was outside of our understanding of the typical
process and so confusing. How awesome that God took over for us… I kept praying
that He needed to take the decision out of my hands because I wasn’t seeing
clearly… and He did. We got a phone call that made it clear we would not
proceed. Whew! That agency has since been charged with multiple crimes… we feel
like God just covered us with His hedge of protection.
He’s been
protecting us... and I trust that He is protecting the children who will become
ours… and I’m also asking Him to protect my heart from becoming jaded by this long,
drawn-out, complex, evolving and frustrating process!
So let’s not get tired of
doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing
if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:9
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